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Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.

Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Pick the Right Time

Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.

Reassure Them

Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.

Give Them Time to Process

After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.

Check in and Offer Support

Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.

Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.

Arguing in Front of Your Children: Negative Effects

Every couple argues sometimes. And children need to see that parents can sometimes have minor conflicts that they resolve. However, if your fighting has become destructive, it’s important to stop arguing in front of your children. Constant arguing in front of your children can affect them negatively in many different ways. It creates a stressful atmosphere for them which can cause short and long-term issues. In addition, they may feel insecure because of constant arguments. They might develop hostility or anger which can harm their relationships in the future. And finally, your relationship with your children might suffer as well. While it’s normal for couples to argue every now and then, if you feel that the arguing is constant and highly combative, it’s best to make sure you are not being overheard by young ears.

Arguing in Front of Your Children: Negative Effects It Can Have on Your Kids

Stress

Arguing in front of your children can create a very stressful atmosphere for them. The raised voices and emotions feel even more overwhelming to a child’s ears than they do adults. Children usually think that raised voices mean they are in trouble, whether or not they’re directed at them. So if you and your spouse are shouting, even if the child is not remotely involved, they can internalize all that anger as being pointed at them. In addition, they don’t know how to cope with strong emotions. So seeing you angry and having emotional outbursts can scare them.

Insecurity

Arguing in front of your children can also create feelings of insecurity. They may wonder whether or not their family is going to stay together. Older children often wonder whether or not their parents will be getting a divorce. This uncertainty can make children feel helpless and confused. This insecurity can have long-term effects on their self-confidence later in life. In addition, they may not build trust with others as easily.

Hostility

Hostility is another negative effect of arguing in front of your children. If your kids see you and your spouse being angry or saying hurtful things, they may think that that is the only way to deal with conflict. This can have very negative impacts on their relationships later in life. If they don’t see you and your spouse dealing with conflict in a healthy way, they’ll never know how to do it themselves. Even younger children can display more hostility if they’re exposed to a lot of arguing.

Relationship Damage

Finally, one final negative consequence of arguing in front of your children is that it can harm your relationship with them. If you and your partner are constantly arguing, you’re more likely to be in a bad mood. This in turn can make you short-tempered or less patient with your kids. They may even feel like they are not a priority. Sometimes, even without realizing it, parents take out their frustrations with other things on their children. All of this can harm your overall relationship with your kids.

All in all, arguing in front of your children can be very harmful both in the short term and even later in their life. It can affect their relationships for years to come. If they see constant conflict, it can create a very stressful environment for them. In addition, they may feel insecure about their family. All of this can result in increased hostility and them not knowing how to healthily handle conflict in their own relationships. And finally, arguing can hurt your relationship with your own kids. If you and your partner are arguing constantly, make sure that your kids are not within earshot. In addition, it might be best to seek professional help in order to learn how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.

How-to Juggle Co-parenting and Back-to-School Stress

Preparing for the new school year can be a busy and stressful time. There are so many things to get taken care of before the school year starts. This can be even more complicated if you are having to juggle co-parenting and back-to-school as well. There are some steps that can make this transition smoother.

How-to Juggle Co-parenting and Back-to-School: Smooth Transitions

Shopping

The start of a school year can bring a lot of extra expenses for families. For example, kids will need new clothes, supplies for school, and electronic devices. Neither parent should have to pay for all of the items on their own. This should one of the things you discuss when working through co-parenting and back-to-school things.

Be sure to coordinate who will purchase what, so that it will eliminate unnecessary duplicates. Also, this will help to ensure that your child has everything they need. Be prepared for disagreements about brands, price points, and values. Try to find a common ground wherever possible.

Build a Schedule

During the school year, children need a schedule and consistency. Make sure your children know where they are staying each night. Also, make sure that your children know who will be dropping them off or picking them up. Try to keep this schedule consistent so that your children have structure.

A great tip is to create a digital calendar to share with your ex. This will back co-parenting and back-to-school preparations much smoother. For example, you can put sporting events, school holidays, extracurricular activities, and appointments on the calendar. This will help to eliminate confusion or miscommunications.

Information

Be sure that the school has contact information for both parents. This will help to ensure that both parents get communication from the school, including report cards, handouts, and behavioral updates. This will allow for better communication between parents, children, and the school while navigating co-parenting and back-to-school.

Be Involved

Each parent should try and be as involved as possible in their children’s lives. This is something to really focus on while getting into the co-parenting and back-to-school routines. However, this can be difficult to make time for while juggling work and other living things. Carve out some time to spend time asking them about their day and sit down to help them with their schoolwork. This will show them that you care about them and their success.

In the same way, be sure to attend events at school. A great way to be supportive would be to even show up to events that your ex is at. Examples include school performances, graduations, and functions. You do not have to engage with the other parent if you do not feel comfortable doing so. Just remember that you are there to support your child.