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My Divorce is Final: Now What Do I Do?

Your divorce is final. It’s taken months and what might feel like years of stress and anxiety. You’ve put so much energy into keeping yourself organized and hashing out details. But it’s finally over. Now what? You might be at a loss because it’s the first time you’re confronting your new life without the distraction of a divorce. Take time to acknowledge that life that you’ve lost and grieve your divorce. If you’ve been holding off telling others, now is the time when you can finally let your friends and family know. Next, make a plan for yourself and how you’d like the next years of your life to look like. And finally, take your time moving on. You’ve gone through one of the biggest stressors in your life, and you can move forward with a new life.

My Divorce is Final: Now What do I do? Tips for Moving On

Take Time to Grieve

Some have compared the stress of divorce to being comparable to the stress of losing somebody close to you. You started your married life together with a version of what your future would look like. But you probably never expected to be going through a divorce. It’s ok to take time to grieve that life you planned to have. It’s healthy. After your divorce is final, acknowledge what you’ve lost and take time to experience your sadness. Try writing down your feelings in a journal to organize your thoughts. You might even be able to gain more perspective on your relationship with your spouse once you’re able to step away.

Let Others Know

If your divorce is final, now is the time to open up and let others know. If you’ve been hiding your separation, now is the time to give people notice. You may need to alert people if you’ve changed your address. Similarly, if you’ve changed your name you’ll need to update your friends and family. You’ll also need to register the name and address change with the DMV, Social Security Office, and others. Go at your own pace when telling people about your divorce. Keep it simple and try not to badmouth your ex.

Make a Plan

After your divorce is final, you’ll need to make a plan for your future. Things probably look very different than you were expecting when you first got married. Now it’s time to make a new plan for the next few years and beyond. The first thing up is to make a financial plan. Your assets and income might have been affected in the divorce, so making a budget is more important than ever. You’ll also want to plan out how to handle future events with your ex if you have split custody. Figure out what your new life looks like and set goals for yourself. You’ll adapt to your new life soon and will be proud of yourself when you reach milestones.

Move on at Your Own Pace

You’ll want to move on at your own pace after your divorce is final. While it’s important to eventually move on, give yourself plenty of time. You want to make sure that you are comfortable being single again before you try to seek out a new relationship. Try to keep things moving slowly. Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you need in a future partner. Taking it slow will allow you to make sure you are both a good fit for each other before things get too serious. Once you are comfortable, try putting yourself out there and meeting new people. Maybe you can make a connection with somebody new that will be an even better partner for you.

After your divorce is final, you may feel a little bit at a loss since you’ve been so focused on the divorce for so long. Take plenty of time for yourself to grieve and accept that your life looks different than you expected. Also, give yourself time to get comfortable being single before moving on romantically. Let your friends and family know if you haven’t already. Now is also the time to update your contact information if your address or name has changed. Finally, make a plan for yourself and layout how you’d like your future to look. Hopefully, the next chapter of your life will be fulfilling and exciting.

Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.

Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Pick the Right Time

Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.

Reassure Them

Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.

Give Them Time to Process

After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.

Check in and Offer Support

Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.

Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.

Re-Building Confidence After a Divorce

Divorce can often leave people questioning their self-esteem. Re-building confidence after a divorce is important so that you can begin to get back to living your best life. You can also have more confidence to grow and begin this new chapter of your life on a positive note. Try to refocus on old hobbies or passions that make you feel happy. Reconnecting with old friends can also boost your confidence. Many people find positive affirmations to be extremely helpful with boosting self-confidence. And finally, reach out and get help from a therapist if you feel like it would be helpful. Divorce can shatter your self-confidence, but it’s important to gain it back so you can focus on the exciting adventures to come.

Re-Building Confidence After a Divorce: Get Your Groove Back

Refocus on Old Hobbies

One way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Oftentimes, divorce can be extremely time-consuming and stressful. It’s hard to make time for hobbies. Now that your divorce is final, you can try to get back to hobbies you care about. If you’re a talented painter, make time to paint. Or try to find a new hobby like yoga or meditation. Finding things you’re passionate about can really boost your self-confidence as you hone new skills.

Reconnect with Old Friends

Another way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to reconnect with old friends. You might have lost touch with people in the stress of the divorce process. If that’s the case, take the time now to reach out to them. For example, ask a friend to dinner or for a quick coffee. They can help you process your feelings about the divorce. It’s also confidence-boosting to be around people you care about and who respect you.

Positive Affirmations

Many people find positive affirmations to be very helpful in rebuilding confidence after a divorce. Affirmations are positive statements you say to yourself repeatedly to reprogram your brain to focus on positivity instead of negative self-talk. Many people find it helpful to write them where they’ll be seen frequently. For example, on the bathroom mirror so that they see them each morning as soon as they wake up. It could be something as simple as “I am worth loving.” Conversely, it could be something specific to yourself like “I will name three things I’m grateful for each morning as I brush my teeth.”

Get Help

Re-building confidence after a divorce can be difficult. Sometimes it’s hard to figure it out on your own. Try reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They’ll be able to help you with negative self-talk and self-doubt. They can often recommend ideas for boosting self-confidence. In addition, it can be very helpful just to have another person to vent your feelings to. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional for help.

Divorce can be very damaging to your self-confidence. If you’ve realized that you now have lower self-esteem it’s important to re-build confidence after a divorce. Re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Finding things that you’re good at can boost your confidence. Next, re-connect with old friends with who you’ve lost touch. In addition, many people find positive affirmations to be helpful with self-confidence. And finally, get help from a professional. A therapist or counselor is a great resource to use if you’re struggling with low self-esteem. If you can build back your self-confidence after a divorce, you can move on to the next exciting stage of life.

Prenuptial Agreement: Is It Necessary?

Prenuptial agreements seem to get a pretty bad rap, but are they as bad as people make them out to be? There are many things people do not know or understand about prenuptial agreements, or ‘prenups’. Are they just for the rich and famous? Are they unfair? Do they mean you do not trust your partner? Let’s break down what they are so that you will know if you should get a prenup.

Prenuptial Agreement: Necessary Pre-Wedding Decisions

What are Prenups?

When you are planning a wedding, whether you should get a prenup may be the last thing you want to think about. While some people associate these arrangements with someone already having their mind on divorce, prenups can actually be a smart decision for both parties. A prenuptial agreement will go over how a couple will split their finances. Also, it lays out what each person came into the marriage with and how they would split their assets and debts.

You can customize these agreements to fit your needs. They can even have verbiage written in that the arrangement expires after kids come into the picture, or after you have been married and built a life together after a certain number of years. Even if you don’t want to think of it this way, marriage is ultimately a contract between two people. If that contract ends without any provisions, your assets will be split right down the middle, no matter what anyone came into the marriage with. In a way, they are like an insurance policy. You hope you never have to use it but it can protect you if you do need to use it.

Assets

There are many reasons why some would consider a prenup, and they do not all include being married to a celebrity. Anyone can get a prenuptial agreement. For example, one or both parties could have already been married previously. Therefore, they could come into the marriage with children, child support, or multiple properties that you do not want to get mixed in with other finances. While there are wills for this too, a prenuptial arrangement can also ensure assets will be set aside for their children.

Coming into a marriage, one spouse could have a lot more wealth, or a lot more debt, than the other. A prenup can actually protect you from assuming half of your spouse’s pre-marital debt in the event of a divorce. This also can apply to keeping a business separate if a spouse had it before coming into the marriage.

Other Reasons for Prenups

Some people marry quickly, after knowing each other only a short time. In this case, you may not know your spouse very well. You may decide that you should get a prenuptial agreement in order to protect yourself in this case. Fortunately, you can make amendments to these arrangements after you are married. Therefore, are not locked into anything written in the prenup if you decide to change it later.

If you are still unsure if you should get a prenuptial agreement, you could talk with a marriage counselor. Remember, signing a prenup does not mean you are going into the marriage expecting a divorce. It really is just a smart decision that can protect both parties.

Court-Ordered Alimony: The Basics

Alimony is a court-ordered payment that is awarded to a spouse or former spouse within a separation or divorce agreement. There is a reason behind why court-ordered alimony exists. The purpose is to provide financial support to the spouse who makes a lower, or no, income. Laws about alimony can vary from state to state. This guide will help you learn a little bit more about alimony.

Court-Ordered Alimony: What is It?

The Basics

The goal of court-ordered alimony is to provide spousal support. This is so that that the other spouse can continue the lifestyle they are used to, despite getting a divorce. No one wants to find themselves in unexpected debt after getting a divorce. The amount of money owed and duration of the payments could be different based on how long a couple was married. Also, they may also weigh the current and potential future incomes of the spouses. There are other factors that will determine the amount and type of alimony. Therefore, these are just a part of the equation.

Timeframe

Based on different factors, the length of time that court-ordered alimony must be paid for could vary. A judge, or both of the parties involved, may set an expiration date for the alimony. This means that the payer is no longer has to financially support his or her spouse. They no longer have to make payments.

In addition to this, there may be other reasons that alimony may end. These may vary from state to state. There could be a termination of alimony in the event that a former spouse remarries, children no longer require a parent at home, retirement, or death. Another possibility could be if a judge deems that the recipient is not making efforts to become self-sufficient.

Child Support

It is important to keep in mind that court-ordered alimony should not be confused with child support. These are two separate things. For example, the purpose of alimony to support a spouse or former spouse. On the other hand, child support payments are meant to support one or more children from a relationship or marriage that has ended.

You now know some of the basics about court-ordered alimony. The criteria used for determining alimony can vary from state to state. Also, the circumstances that dictate many aspects of the alimony will differ based on location as well as the unique situation of both parties involved. Also, remember that child support and alimony are not the same things.

How-to: Help Kids Understand Divorce: Difficult Talks

Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.

How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk

Planning For It

The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce.

Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.

Things to Say

Children often find divorce hard to understand. In order to help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is something that is possible.

Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.

Listen

In order to help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kid’s concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings.

Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.