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How to Make Split Custody Easier On Children

You can make split custody easier on your children by being communicative and civil with your ex-partner. A new schedule and lifestyle can be very difficult for children. They thrive on routine, so split custody can be a real shock to the system for them. It’s best if you can communicate early about what their schedule will look like. Keep a routine as much as possible, which means being civil with your ex. Give your children resources and space to ask questions and feel their emotions. And finally, if you and your ex have a relationship where this is possible: carve out some family time. Hopefully, you will come up with a custody situation that works well for your family and your children will adjust quickly and easily.

How to Make Split Custody Easier On Children: Adjusting to the New Normal

Communicate With Them

The first step to making split custody easier on children is to set expectations with them. Communicate exactly what is happening. Let them know what their new schedule will look like, and when they’ll be spending time with each of you. Be very reassuring that they are still loved and that the divorce has nothing to do with them. But it is good to explain the situation in clear terms that they can understand.

Keep a Routine

Children thrive on routine. Knowing what their day will look like helps them stay calm and feel in control. Make split custody easier on children by following a routine with them that you share with your ex. If you can keep their day-to-day as similar to before the divorce as possible, the better. This relies on you and your ex being civil with one another and communicating clearly. Try to keep their school day schedule, nap schedule, feeding schedule, and sleep schedule as similar as possible across your two homes.

Give Them Resources

Another way to help make split custody easier on children is to give them resources. Depending on their age, they may or may not feel comfortable confiding in you as a parent. Some children prefer to speak about their feelings with a counselor or therapist. Give them plenty of space to feel their emotions about your divorce. They may also have tough questions. Try to answer them truthfully in an age-appropriate way. And always avoid speaking negatively about your ex.

Carve Out Family Time

Finally, it can make split custody easier on children if you and your ex can get along long enough to do some family activities. While this doesn’t have to happen all the time, children typically do appreciate having time with their whole family together. If you and your ex can be civil with one another, perhaps you could carve out some family time. Aim for something that is not likely to bring up stress, like a walk in a park together or a movie.

Divorce is difficult for everybody involved, including children. You can make split custody easier on children by making sure to lay out what their new schedule will look like for them. They need time to mentally prepare for change just like adults do. Keep a routine as much as possible across your two homes. Also, try to give them resources to deal with their emotions if they seem like they are having a difficult time adjusting. And finally, if it’s possible with your ex, try to take some time for a family outing now and then. Hopefully, you and your ex can remain civil for the sake of your children. A co-parenting relationship is a tough one to maintain, but it’s important for your children’s well-being that you and your ex be civil to make the divorce easier on them.

Leaving a Physically Abusive Relationship Safely

It can be dangerous to get out of a physically abusive relationship. Abusers are often fueled by deep insecurities. When their partner threatens to leave or tries to walk out, it can cause them to snap and escalate their abuse. The first step is to gain the trust of somebody close to you that you can turn to if things are getting out of hand. It’s also important to do research and find where to go but to do it safely. Practice your escape and make sure you have a safe word for a friend if you need help. And finally, know where to go once you leave, like a shelter. Hopefully, you can get out safely and find the help you need to allow you to emotionally heal from your ordeal.

leaving a Physically Abusive Relationship Safely: Get Help

Find Somebody You Can Trust

One thing that can help you get out of a physically abusive relationship is somebody on the outside helping. Find a close friend or neighbor whom you trust completely. You can confide in them about what is going on and ask them if they would be able to help you if you needed it. Make sure and memorize their number in case your abuser has control over your phone. Establish a code word with them to use in case your abuser is attacking, so they know that you need emergency help.

Be Careful About Surveillance

If you are trying to leave a physically abusive relationship, one thing to keep in mind is to be careful about surveillance. Many abusers keep careful tabs on their partners. For example, they might go through your phone or install tracking devices on your car or computer. It is safest to research your escape on somebody else’s phone or computer. Try a local library or borrowing from a friend if you need to look up information about getting away from your abuser.

Practice Your Escape

It’s important to practice your escape from your physically abusive relationship. Know your partner’s schedule so that you might know a time when you’re alone. If you have children, practice with them as well. It’s best to leave when your abuser is away. Trying to confront them and tell them that you’re leaving often can turn dangerous. Memorize how to get to a safe location so that you can get there even if you have to leave your phone or computer behind.

Know Where to Go

Finally, when escaping a physically abusive relationship, know where to go. There are domestic violence shelters that you can find within your community. You can also head straight to the police or hospital to get help. If you are not ready for that you can go to a friend or close family member that you trust. Even if you don’t have a long-term plan of where to stay, that’s ok. The important thing is that you get out safely before the abuse escalates.

The idea of escaping a physically abusive relationship can be quite intimidating. It can often be dangerous as well. Abusers might escalate their violence when their partner tries to leave. Therefore, it’s best to have a plan in mind and prepare yourself in advance. And also to leave when your abuser is not at home. Find somebody you can trust and let them help you with your escape. They can be a haven to go to once you leave. Be careful about using your own devices to do any research. Practice your escape plan and know exactly where you’re going to go once you’re out. There are many support groups and help available for victims of abuse. Hopefully, you can get out safely and find some support so that you can move on from this painful relationship.

How to Take on Sole Custody after Divorce

Taking on sole custody after divorce can be a big adjustment. It can seem overwhelming if you’ve been living together and suddenly are the only guardian. However, it’s important to remember that both you and your children will adjust in time to your new schedule. The most important thing is to get support. Hire a sitter or childcare provider so that you can take breaks sometimes. Listen to your children and their needs. Give yourself some slack and remember that things don’t have to be perfect all the time. It’s okay if the schedule gets a little messy for a few weeks or even months. Your children will bounce back quickly. And finally, have a backup plan in cases of emergency so that you are prepared for anything. Sole custody can seem overwhelming at first, but you will adjust soon enough.

How to Take on Sole Custody: A Big Adjustment

Get Support

The first thing to do when taking on sole custody after divorce is to get support. If you’ve been in a situation where there were two parents and now it’s just you, you’ll need some breaks. Plan to enroll your children in daycare or preschool, even if just part-time. If not, you could hire a nanny or babysitter to give you some breaks during the week. If you have any local family members, maybe they could watch the children now and then to give you a break. It’s important to take time for yourself to preserve your mental health. You can’t take care of your children as well if you’re completely exhausted.

Listen to Your Children

Another thing to remember when taking on sole custody after divorce is to listen to your children. Divorce is stressful for kids too. It’s a big upheaval for their lives as well. They may be emotional or have times when they need to talk to you about their feelings. Be a good listener to them and remember that this adjustment can be hard for them as well. It’s never good to bash your ex in front of your kids. Instead, continually remind them that they are well-loved and that their schedules will seem normal to them soon.

Give Yourself Some Slack

Taking on sole custody after divorce can get overwhelming, and parents can get bogged down easily. Don’t sweat the small stuff for a little while. The adjustment period is not the time to worry about whether your children are getting exactly the right nutrients or going down for naps at the same minute every day. Let them have a little extra screen time. Order takeout if you’re feeling exhausted. Try to remember that kids bounce back quickly from changes to their schedules. It’s ok to let things slide for a few weeks while you adjust to your new schedules.

Make Back-Up Plans

Finally, when taking on sole custody after divorce, make backup plans. You never know when you will get knocked down with a stomach bug or have some emergency come up at work. It’s good to have a solid list of caregivers you can call on if you need help spur of the moment. In addition, while it’s not fun to think about, it’s important to make legal plans as well. Update your will to reflect what will happen with your children if you were to become incapacitated or in an emergency. It’s important to have backup plans in case unpredictable things come up.

Winning sole custody after divorce can be a huge win. However, it does come with its stresses. Suddenly you are the sole caregiver to your children. Enlist some support from helpful friends and family or a babysitting service. Listen to your children to make sure that you are taking care of their emotional needs as well as physical needs. Don’t stress about everything on the schedule being perfect, just get through the adjustment period. And finally, make backup plans in cases of emergency. Sole custody can seem overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that it will seem normal to you in a short time. You and your children will adjust quickly to your new schedules.

The Dangers of Trash Talking Your Ex After Divorce

Trash talking your ex after a divorce can be very tempting, but it’s important to resist the urge. You’re getting divorced, so nobody expects you to like your ex at the moment. However, airing your dirty laundry can have a lot of unintended consequences. If you’re talking badly about your ex in front of your kids it can hurt them emotionally. In addition, your family will remember everything you say, even in the heat of the moment. What you say can come back to bite you eventually. Trash talking to friends can also pull them in different directions and make it harder for them to maintain mutual friendships with your ex. And finally, talking badly online can end up hurting your divorce settlement and even your custody situation. It’s best to retrain from trash-talking altogether.

The Dangers of Trash Talking Your Ex After Divorce: Speak Kindly or Not at All

Trash Talking In Front of Kids

Trash talking your ex in front of your kids can be the most damaging thing you can do after a divorce. Especially if you’re talking about their other parent. They love you both equally. Hearing horrible things from one parent about another can make them question themselves and make them distrust either of you. It can also make them feel guilty for loving their other parent. It’s best to maintain as friendly a relationship as possible when dealing with your ex in front of your children. Divorce is hard enough on children already, don’t add feelings of guilt and mistrust into the equation too.

Trash Talking to Family

Trash talking your ex in front of your family can also be tempting but is dangerous. During a divorce, your feelings will probably fluctuate a lot about your ex. There might be times when you’re feeling nostalgic about them. But your family will remember everything you say about them. They won’t be as forgiving as you might be. Things said in the heat of the moment can come back to haunt you if you’re feeling nostalgic about your ex and want a sympathetic ear.

Trash Talking to Friends

Many times, couples have mutual friendships that they want to maintain even after the divorce. If this is the case for you, trash-talking your ex to your friends can make that difficult for everybody. It can force your friends to feel like they need to choose sides. If your goal is to not split your friends and to keep those relationships, it’s best to keep your divorce private.

Trash Talking Online

Finally, people often forget that trash-talking your ex online can have very big consequences. Attorneys look at your social media accounts. Even if your Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter has privacy settings, there’s no way to prevent people from sharing the info that you’ve put online publicly. If word gets back to your ex or their attorney, it could hurt your settlement by making them more antagonistic. In addition, if you’re fighting for custody it can negatively affect you. One aspect of custody agreements that are often looked at is whether or not you can maintain a cordial relationship with your co-parenting ex. If you’ve put them on blast online, it could hurt your case.

Trash talking your ex is just never a good idea. It might feel good at the moment, but it can have very negative consequences. Trash talking in front of your children is especially harmful and can hurt their feelings. Your family will probably be on your side and will remember everything you say, so if you ever change your mind about your ex or want some sympathy, they’ll be less likely to help you. Trash talking to your mutual friends can put them in an awkward spot too. And finally, trash-talking online can hurt your settlement or custody battle as well. Although it might seem tempting, trash-talking is just never a good idea. It can only serve to hurt people, so it’s best to resist it altogether.

My Divorce is Final: Now What Do I Do?

Your divorce is final. It’s taken months and what might feel like years of stress and anxiety. You’ve put so much energy into keeping yourself organized and hashing out details. But it’s finally over. Now what? You might be at a loss because it’s the first time you’re confronting your new life without the distraction of a divorce. Take time to acknowledge that life that you’ve lost and grieve your divorce. If you’ve been holding off telling others, now is the time when you can finally let your friends and family know. Next, make a plan for yourself and how you’d like the next years of your life to look like. And finally, take your time moving on. You’ve gone through one of the biggest stressors in your life, and you can move forward with a new life.

My Divorce is Final: Now What do I do? Tips for Moving On

Take Time to Grieve

Some have compared the stress of divorce to being comparable to the stress of losing somebody close to you. You started your married life together with a version of what your future would look like. But you probably never expected to be going through a divorce. It’s ok to take time to grieve that life you planned to have. It’s healthy. After your divorce is final, acknowledge what you’ve lost and take time to experience your sadness. Try writing down your feelings in a journal to organize your thoughts. You might even be able to gain more perspective on your relationship with your spouse once you’re able to step away.

Let Others Know

If your divorce is final, now is the time to open up and let others know. If you’ve been hiding your separation, now is the time to give people notice. You may need to alert people if you’ve changed your address. Similarly, if you’ve changed your name you’ll need to update your friends and family. You’ll also need to register the name and address change with the DMV, Social Security Office, and others. Go at your own pace when telling people about your divorce. Keep it simple and try not to badmouth your ex.

Make a Plan

After your divorce is final, you’ll need to make a plan for your future. Things probably look very different than you were expecting when you first got married. Now it’s time to make a new plan for the next few years and beyond. The first thing up is to make a financial plan. Your assets and income might have been affected in the divorce, so making a budget is more important than ever. You’ll also want to plan out how to handle future events with your ex if you have split custody. Figure out what your new life looks like and set goals for yourself. You’ll adapt to your new life soon and will be proud of yourself when you reach milestones.

Move on at Your Own Pace

You’ll want to move on at your own pace after your divorce is final. While it’s important to eventually move on, give yourself plenty of time. You want to make sure that you are comfortable being single again before you try to seek out a new relationship. Try to keep things moving slowly. Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you need in a future partner. Taking it slow will allow you to make sure you are both a good fit for each other before things get too serious. Once you are comfortable, try putting yourself out there and meeting new people. Maybe you can make a connection with somebody new that will be an even better partner for you.

After your divorce is final, you may feel a little bit at a loss since you’ve been so focused on the divorce for so long. Take plenty of time for yourself to grieve and accept that your life looks different than you expected. Also, give yourself time to get comfortable being single before moving on romantically. Let your friends and family know if you haven’t already. Now is also the time to update your contact information if your address or name has changed. Finally, make a plan for yourself and layout how you’d like your future to look. Hopefully, the next chapter of your life will be fulfilling and exciting.

Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.

Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children

Pick the Right Time

Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.

Reassure Them

Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.

Give Them Time to Process

After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.

Check in and Offer Support

Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.

Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.