Taking on sole custody after divorce can be a big adjustment. It can seem overwhelming if you’ve been living together and suddenly are the only guardian. However, it’s important to remember that both you and your children will adjust in time to your new schedule. The most important thing is to get support. Hire a sitter or childcare provider so that you can take breaks sometimes. Listen to your children and their needs. Give yourself some slack and remember that things don’t have to be perfect all the time. It’s okay if the schedule gets a little messy for a few weeks or even months. Your children will bounce back quickly. And finally, have a backup plan in cases of emergency so that you are prepared for anything. Sole custody can seem overwhelming at first, but you will adjust soon enough.
How to Take on Sole Custody: A Big Adjustment
The first thing to do when taking on sole custody after divorce is to get support. If you’ve been in a situation where there were two parents and now it’s just you, you’ll need some breaks. Plan to enroll your children in daycare or preschool, even if just part-time. If not, you could hire a nanny or babysitter to give you some breaks during the week. If you have any local family members, maybe they could watch the children now and then to give you a break. It’s important to take time for yourself to preserve your mental health. You can’t take care of your children as well if you’re completely exhausted.
Listen to Your Children
Another thing to remember when taking on sole custody after divorce is to listen to your children. Divorce is stressful for kids too. It’s a big upheaval for their lives as well. They may be emotional or have times when they need to talk to you about their feelings. Be a good listener to them and remember that this adjustment can be hard for them as well. It’s never good to bash your ex in front of your kids. Instead, continually remind them that they are well-loved and that their schedules will seem normal to them soon.
Give Yourself Some Slack
Taking on sole custody after divorce can get overwhelming, and parents can get bogged down easily. Don’t sweat the small stuff for a little while. The adjustment period is not the time to worry about whether your children are getting exactly the right nutrients or going down for naps at the same minute every day. Let them have a little extra screen time. Order takeout if you’re feeling exhausted. Try to remember that kids bounce back quickly from changes to their schedules. It’s ok to let things slide for a few weeks while you adjust to your new schedules.
Make Back-Up Plans
Finally, when taking on sole custody after divorce, make backup plans. You never know when you will get knocked down with a stomach bug or have some emergency come up at work. It’s good to have a solid list of caregivers you can call on if you need help spur of the moment. In addition, while it’s not fun to think about, it’s important to make legal plans as well. Update your will to reflect what will happen with your children if you were to become incapacitated or in an emergency. It’s important to have backup plans in case unpredictable things come up.
Winning sole custody after divorce can be a huge win. However, it does come with its stresses. Suddenly you are the sole caregiver to your children. Enlist some support from helpful friends and family or a babysitting service. Listen to your children to make sure that you are taking care of their emotional needs as well as physical needs. Don’t stress about everything on the schedule being perfect, just get through the adjustment period. And finally, make backup plans in cases of emergency. Sole custody can seem overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that it will seem normal to you in a short time. You and your children will adjust quickly to your new schedules.
Trash talking your ex after a divorce can be very tempting, but it’s important to resist the urge. You’re getting divorced, so nobody expects you to like your ex at the moment. However, airing your dirty laundry can have a lot of unintended consequences. If you’re talking badly about your ex in front of your kids it can hurt them emotionally. In addition, your family will remember everything you say, even in the heat of the moment. What you say can come back to bite you eventually. Trash talking to friends can also pull them in different directions and make it harder for them to maintain mutual friendships with your ex. And finally, talking badly online can end up hurting your divorce settlement and even your custody situation. It’s best to retrain from trash-talking altogether.
The Dangers of Trash Talking Your Ex After Divorce: Speak Kindly or Not at All
Trash Talking In Front of Kids
Trash talking your ex in front of your kids can be the most damaging thing you can do after a divorce. Especially if you’re talking about their other parent. They love you both equally. Hearing horrible things from one parent about another can make them question themselves and make them distrust either of you. It can also make them feel guilty for loving their other parent. It’s best to maintain as friendly a relationship as possible when dealing with your ex in front of your children. Divorce is hard enough on children already, don’t add feelings of guilt and mistrust into the equation too.
Trash Talking to Family
Trash talking your ex in front of your family can also be tempting but is dangerous. During a divorce, your feelings will probably fluctuate a lot about your ex. There might be times when you’re feeling nostalgic about them. But your family will remember everything you say about them. They won’t be as forgiving as you might be. Things said in the heat of the moment can come back to haunt you if you’re feeling nostalgic about your ex and want a sympathetic ear.
Trash Talking to Friends
Many times, couples have mutual friendships that they want to maintain even after the divorce. If this is the case for you, trash-talking your ex to your friends can make that difficult for everybody. It can force your friends to feel like they need to choose sides. If your goal is to not split your friends and to keep those relationships, it’s best to keep your divorce private.
Trash Talking Online
Finally, people often forget that trash-talking your ex online can have very big consequences. Attorneys look at your social media accounts. Even if your Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter has privacy settings, there’s no way to prevent people from sharing the info that you’ve put online publicly. If word gets back to your ex or their attorney, it could hurt your settlement by making them more antagonistic. In addition, if you’re fighting for custody it can negatively affect you. One aspect of custody agreements that are often looked at is whether or not you can maintain a cordial relationship with your co-parenting ex. If you’ve put them on blast online, it could hurt your case.
Trash talking your ex is just never a good idea. It might feel good at the moment, but it can have very negative consequences. Trash talking in front of your children is especially harmful and can hurt their feelings. Your family will probably be on your side and will remember everything you say, so if you ever change your mind about your ex or want some sympathy, they’ll be less likely to help you. Trash talking to your mutual friends can put them in an awkward spot too. And finally, trash-talking online can hurt your settlement or custody battle as well. Although it might seem tempting, trash-talking is just never a good idea. It can only serve to hurt people, so it’s best to resist it altogether.
Your divorce is final. It’s taken months and what might feel like years of stress and anxiety. You’ve put so much energy into keeping yourself organized and hashing out details. But it’s finally over. Now what? You might be at a loss because it’s the first time you’re confronting your new life without the distraction of a divorce. Take time to acknowledge that life that you’ve lost and grieve your divorce. If you’ve been holding off telling others, now is the time when you can finally let your friends and family know. Next, make a plan for yourself and how you’d like the next years of your life to look like. And finally, take your time moving on. You’ve gone through one of the biggest stressors in your life, and you can move forward with a new life.
My Divorce is Final: Now What do I do? Tips for Moving On
Take Time to Grieve
Some have compared the stress of divorce to being comparable to the stress of losing somebody close to you. You started your married life together with a version of what your future would look like. But you probably never expected to be going through a divorce. It’s ok to take time to grieve that life you planned to have. It’s healthy. After your divorce is final, acknowledge what you’ve lost and take time to experience your sadness. Try writing down your feelings in a journal to organize your thoughts. You might even be able to gain more perspective on your relationship with your spouse once you’re able to step away.
Let Others Know
If your divorce is final, now is the time to open up and let others know. If you’ve been hiding your separation, now is the time to give people notice. You may need to alert people if you’ve changed your address. Similarly, if you’ve changed your name you’ll need to update your friends and family. You’ll also need to register the name and address change with the DMV, Social Security Office, and others. Go at your own pace when telling people about your divorce. Keep it simple and try not to badmouth your ex.
Make a Plan
After your divorce is final, you’ll need to make a plan for your future. Things probably look very different than you were expecting when you first got married. Now it’s time to make a new plan for the next few years and beyond. The first thing up is to make a financial plan. Your assets and income might have been affected in the divorce, so making a budget is more important than ever. You’ll also want to plan out how to handle future events with your ex if you have split custody. Figure out what your new life looks like and set goals for yourself. You’ll adapt to your new life soon and will be proud of yourself when you reach milestones.
Move on at Your Own Pace
You’ll want to move on at your own pace after your divorce is final. While it’s important to eventually move on, give yourself plenty of time. You want to make sure that you are comfortable being single again before you try to seek out a new relationship. Try to keep things moving slowly. Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you need in a future partner. Taking it slow will allow you to make sure you are both a good fit for each other before things get too serious. Once you are comfortable, try putting yourself out there and meeting new people. Maybe you can make a connection with somebody new that will be an even better partner for you.
After your divorce is final, you may feel a little bit at a loss since you’ve been so focused on the divorce for so long. Take plenty of time for yourself to grieve and accept that your life looks different than you expected. Also, give yourself time to get comfortable being single before moving on romantically. Let your friends and family know if you haven’t already. Now is also the time to update your contact information if your address or name has changed. Finally, make a plan for yourself and layout how you’d like your future to look. Hopefully, the next chapter of your life will be fulfilling and exciting.
Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.
Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children
Pick the Right Time
Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.
Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.
Give Them Time to Process
After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.
Check in and Offer Support
Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.
Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.
Divorce can often leave people questioning their self-esteem. Re-building confidence after a divorce is important so that you can begin to get back to living your best life. You can also have more confidence to grow and begin this new chapter of your life on a positive note. Try to refocus on old hobbies or passions that make you feel happy. Reconnecting with old friends can also boost your confidence. Many people find positive affirmations to be extremely helpful with boosting self-confidence. And finally, reach out and get help from a therapist if you feel like it would be helpful. Divorce can shatter your self-confidence, but it’s important to gain it back so you can focus on the exciting adventures to come.
Re-Building Confidence After a Divorce: Get Your Groove Back
Refocus on Old Hobbies
One way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Oftentimes, divorce can be extremely time-consuming and stressful. It’s hard to make time for hobbies. Now that your divorce is final, you can try to get back to hobbies you care about. If you’re a talented painter, make time to paint. Or try to find a new hobby like yoga or meditation. Finding things you’re passionate about can really boost your self-confidence as you hone new skills.
Reconnect with Old Friends
Another way to rebuild confidence after a divorce is to reconnect with old friends. You might have lost touch with people in the stress of the divorce process. If that’s the case, take the time now to reach out to them. For example, ask a friend to dinner or for a quick coffee. They can help you process your feelings about the divorce. It’s also confidence-boosting to be around people you care about and who respect you.
Many people find positive affirmations to be very helpful in rebuilding confidence after a divorce. Affirmations are positive statements you say to yourself repeatedly to reprogram your brain to focus on positivity instead of negative self-talk. Many people find it helpful to write them where they’ll be seen frequently. For example, on the bathroom mirror so that they see them each morning as soon as they wake up. It could be something as simple as “I am worth loving.” Conversely, it could be something specific to yourself like “I will name three things I’m grateful for each morning as I brush my teeth.”
Re-building confidence after a divorce can be difficult. Sometimes it’s hard to figure it out on your own. Try reaching out to a therapist or counselor. They’ll be able to help you with negative self-talk and self-doubt. They can often recommend ideas for boosting self-confidence. In addition, it can be very helpful just to have another person to vent your feelings to. Don’t be afraid to reach out to a professional for help.
Divorce can be very damaging to your self-confidence. If you’ve realized that you now have lower self-esteem it’s important to re-build confidence after a divorce. Re-focus on old hobbies or passions. Finding things that you’re good at can boost your confidence. Next, re-connect with old friends with who you’ve lost touch. In addition, many people find positive affirmations to be helpful with self-confidence. And finally, get help from a professional. A therapist or counselor is a great resource to use if you’re struggling with low self-esteem. If you can build back your self-confidence after a divorce, you can move on to the next exciting stage of life.
Prenuptial agreements seem to get a pretty bad rap, but are they as bad as people make them out to be? There are many things people do not know or understand about prenuptial agreements, or ‘prenups’. Are they just for the rich and famous? Are they unfair? Do they mean you do not trust your partner? Let’s break down what they are so that you will know if you should get a prenup.
Prenuptial Agreement: Necessary Pre-Wedding Decisions
What are Prenups?
When you are planning a wedding, whether you should get a prenup may be the last thing you want to think about. While some people associate these arrangements with someone already having their mind on divorce, prenups can actually be a smart decision for both parties. A prenuptial agreement will go over how a couple will split their finances. Also, it lays out what each person came into the marriage with and how they would split their assets and debts.
You can customize these agreements to fit your needs. They can even have verbiage written in that the arrangement expires after kids come into the picture, or after you have been married and built a life together after a certain number of years. Even if you don’t want to think of it this way, marriage is ultimately a contract between two people. If that contract ends without any provisions, your assets will be split right down the middle, no matter what anyone came into the marriage with. In a way, they are like an insurance policy. You hope you never have to use it but it can protect you if you do need to use it.
There are many reasons why some would consider a prenup, and they do not all include being married to a celebrity. Anyone can get a prenuptial agreement. For example, one or both parties could have already been married previously. Therefore, they could come into the marriage with children, child support, or multiple properties that you do not want to get mixed in with other finances. While there are wills for this too, a prenuptial arrangement can also ensure assets will be set aside for their children.
Coming into a marriage, one spouse could have a lot more wealth, or a lot more debt, than the other. A prenup can actually protect you from assuming half of your spouse’s pre-marital debt in the event of a divorce. This also can apply to keeping a business separate if a spouse had it before coming into the marriage.
Other Reasons for Prenups
Some people marry quickly, after knowing each other only a short time. In this case, you may not know your spouse very well. You may decide that you should get a prenuptial agreement in order to protect yourself in this case. Fortunately, you can make amendments to these arrangements after you are married. Therefore, are not locked into anything written in the prenup if you decide to change it later.
If you are still unsure if you should get a prenuptial agreement, you could talk with a marriage counselor. Remember, signing a prenup does not mean you are going into the marriage expecting a divorce. It really is just a smart decision that can protect both parties.