While some arguments are normal in a marriage, it becomes a problem when anger issues turn into abuse. Abuse can sometimes be difficult to spot, especially emotional abuse. A partner that lashes out in anger with threats and violence can be dangerous. However, a partner that uses anger like a weapon and makes their spouse unsure of how to navigate situations without triggering outbursts can also be incredibly damaging. Learning to de-escalate outbursts is important. As is seeking professional help. However, you must learn to set boundaries for yourself and decide what you feel is tolerable in a marriage. If your partner crosses the line, it might be time to consider taking more drastic steps to protect yourself physically and emotionally.
When Anger Issues Turn into Abuse: Finding the Line
Normal Anger vs. Abusive Behavior
Everybody has periods where they feel angry, aggravated, or annoyed. And in a marriage, that anger can sometimes be directed at your spouse. However, anger issues turn into abuse when they make your partner feel frightened or threatened. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your spouse, it might be an indication that they have an anger problem. Or if you change your behavior, or try to hide things from them just to avoid an argument. Your spouse should respect your feelings and give you the freedom to express them without fear.
De-Escalation
If anger issues turn into abuse with your spouse, it’s important to know how to keep yourself safe. De-escalation is an important tactic. If you get angry yourself, it could just make your spouse even more defensive. When they are experiencing rage, they won’t be able to see reason, and getting upset yourself might make things dangerous. Instead, try to remain calm and walk away. Hopefully, giving your partner time and space to cool down will help them gain control of their emotions.
Seeking Professional Help
If you’ve experienced an episode where anger issues turn into abuse, it’s time to reach out for professional help. While it’s important to de-escalate the situation in the moment, it shouldn’t be your constant job to regulate your partner’s emotions. They need to do the work so that you can have mature conflict without it escalating into verbal or physical abuse. See if your partner is willing to speak with a doctor, therapist, or marriage counselor.
Enough is Enough
If your partner is not willing to reach out to a professional in order to get help for their anger, or if it is starting to negatively impact your day to day life, you need to decide when enough is enough. It’s not fair to live a marriage afraid of your partner’s reaction to things. And if the abuse ever becomes physical, it could continue to escalate and put you in a dangerous position. Set boundaries for your own happiness. If your spouse isn’t able to respect them, then it might be time to consider if you want to continue the marriage.
When anger issues turn into abuse it can be very frightening. It can also be subtle and hard to pinpoint exactly where the line is between normal anger and emotional abuse. However, if you are changing your behaviors in order to avoid arguments, or are living in constant fear of your spouse’s outburst, it’s probably emotionally abusive behavior. Additionally, if arguments ever escalate and become physical, it’s time to reach out to a professional. Try to de-escalate the situation as much as possible. When things are calmer, have your spouse get help from a medical professional or marriage