Mar 25, 2023 | Divorce, Marriage
Dealing with a narcissistic spouse can be incredibly frustrating and painful because they often lack empathy and understanding. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that can lead to a person having an inflated sense of self, and a lack of empathy for others. It can often lead to selfish behavior and make conflict resolution difficult. If you are married to a person with this type of personality, it’s important to share with them how you’re feeling. It’s also important to set boundaries and stick to them. Finally, take care of your own mental health and know your own limits. Hopefully, you and your significant other can learn to get along more peacefully and you can learn to accept their limitations and work around them.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Spouse: Recognizing NPD and Navigating Conflict
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition. A person with NPD might have an inflated sense of self-worth, or feel that they are superior to everybody else. They might blame others for their problems, have difficulty with healthy conflict resolution, or generally lack empathy for others. While there are many egotistical people in the world, not everybody with a big head is a narcissist. Speaking with a clinician can give you a better idea of whether or not your spouse is displaying behavior that coincides with NPD.
Share Your Feelings
If you are married to a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to share your feelings with them. People with NPD are not always aware of how their actions damage the mental health of those around them. Because they only think about their own feelings, it might not occur to them how you’re feeling. Speak up and share your thoughts, but try to do so in a way that does not point blame or accusations. Otherwise, you probably won’t get very far with your conversation.
Set Boundaries
It’s also important to set boundaries with a narcissistic spouse. People with NPD often display extreme jealousy and controlling behavior. They also do not like being told what to do. However, it’s important to stand up for yourself. For example, you might say “I don’t appreciate it when you make fun of my friends. I won’t engage in conversations like that any longer.” Set boundaries, and stick to them.
Take Care of Yourself
Finally, when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to take care of yourself. Surround yourself with a support network and seek counseling if you are struggling. Additionally, it’s important to know when to draw the line. Some people are able to work around the limitations of being married to somebody with NPD. However, nobody deserves to be in a marriage that makes them unhappy. And if your partner ever crosses a line and becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it’s time to consider divorce.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a tricky mental health condition to navigate. People with narcissistic personalities often struggle with long-term relationships and commitment. They feel superior to others and generally lack empathy, which can make dealing with a narcissistic spouse very aggravating. It’s important to let them know how their behavior affects your mental health. It’s also important to set boundaries with them and then stick to them. But at the same time, you need to know your own limits. You deserve to be happy. Hopefully, you and your spouse can learn to navigate their disorder, but if not, it might be time to consider the kind of future you want.
Feb 2, 2023 | Marriage
The emotional damage of infidelity can last many years or even a lifetime. If your spouse cheats, it can change the way you see the world and lead to scars that take a lot of work to heal. Many people experience a range of emotions after an affair, from anger to grief, and everything in between. Self-blame is not uncommon and it can take a long time to rebuild your self-confidence after infidelity. Grief is also very common because your relationship is going to be different. Many victims of a cheating spouse also have trouble with trusting future partners and can develop anxiety in other relationships. While you might be able to salvage the marriage, it’s okay to give yourself permission to take time to process all of the emotional fallout from the affair.
The Emotional Damage of Infidelity: Lasting Scars
Self-Blame
One of the most common types of emotional damage from infidelity is self-blame. Victims of cheating usually begin questioning why the affair happened in the first place. Often the only reason they can come up with is some sort of shortcoming on their end. However, self-blame isn’t fair to yourself. Your partner decided to cheat all on their own. And while you can’t change the past, you can change the way you talk to yourself and try to remember that you are not at fault for your spouse’s poor lack of judgment.
Grief
Another form of emotional damage from infidelity is grief. You might be able to salvage your marriage and even build it back into a strong relationship. However, the marriage that you had is over. Something will always be fundamentally different between you. And it’s okay to take some time to process the grief that comes from any type of loss.
Distrust
Distrust is one of the most common forms of emotional damage from infidelity that victims of cheating experience. It can be difficult to be vulnerable with future partners ever again. Especially if you were completely blind-sided by the affair. However, try to remember that the actions of your spouse don’t indicate what another partner will do.
Anxiety
Finally, cheating can create a lot of anxiety. If your spouse has an affair, it can take you by surprise and fundamentally change the way that you see the world. This can create a lot of stress and make you feel like you suddenly doubt other things that you took for granted. Finding a healthy outlet for your anxiety, talking things through with a friend, or reaching out to a therapist can help you with managing stress.
The emotional damage of infidelity is far-reaching and can touch other aspects and relationships in your life. Being the victim of a cheating spouse can create lasting scars that take a lot of time and a lot of personal growth to heal. It’s essential to try to avoid placing the blame on yourself. Additionally, give yourself plenty of time to grieve the marriage that you had. Even if you can rebuild your relationship and move on, it’s okay to realize that things will never be quite the same. It’s also important to try to not take the mistrust that you experience into future relationships. And to learn ways of coping with the anxiety and stress that can come from being the victim of an affair. Hopefully, you will be able to move forward while healing from the emotional wounds of infidelity.
Nov 27, 2022 | Marriage
If you and your spouse have decided on separation, it’s important to use that time to examine what your goals are for the relationship. Some states require separation before divorce, and some are more formal than others. However, many couples choose to take some time apart before deciding on getting a divorce. Both of you need to focus on making this time productive so that you can decide your future together. Practice open communication through counseling. In addition, take time to explore your feelings outside of the marriage. And finally, keep kids out of the drama. Hopefully, you and your partner can use this time effectively to help determine what you should do in the future.
How to Have a Healthy Separation: Making the Most of It
Why Separate?
While some states require a separation period before a divorce, many couples choose to do it regardless. Getting some space is a great way to examine your relationship from a little bit of distance. When you’re right in the thick of arguments, it’s hard to see the bigger picture of your relationship. Separation can be the first step towards divorce unless a couple decides to use this time to heal from old hurts and move forward with honest communication.
Open Communication
Communication is the foundation of a strong marriage, but it’s hard for many couples to accomplish this. Your separation time is a great time to focus on becoming better communicators. One way to improve this is to speak to a marriage counselor. Therapy can go a long way in helping a couple reconcile old arguments and heal long-standing wounds.
Explore Your Feelings
It’s helpful to take this separation time as a chance to explore your feelings. Get to know yourself outside of the marriage, and outside of the influence of your partner. This is a time for you to focus on yourself, so try to avoid any sort of affairs or rebound relationships. Instead, focus on what you’d like your future to look like, and how you can achieve that with your spouse.
Keep Kids Out of It
Finally, one last thing to remember during a separation is to keep your children out of it. They’ll need to know the basics that they might be moving back and forth between two homes. However, don’t get into the details with them. In addition, never trash-talk your spouse in front of them. Children love both of their parents equally, and hearing you speak negatively about a person they love can be stressful and scary for them. Always treat your spouse with respect and kindness, especially in front of your kids.
Separation can be a difficult thing to decide on. And for some couples, it’s a stepping stone to divorce. However, many couples determine to use this time fruitfully and wind up stronger than ever. Give yourself some space from the relationship so you can examine your marriage and what you’d like the future to look like. Be in constant contact with one another, and improve your communication through marriage counseling during this time. Try to focus on yourself and decide what you want to get out of this time. And finally, keep your children out of it as much as possible. Whatever decision you come to, hopefully, you and your spouse will be on the same page after your period of separation.
Nov 20, 2022 | Marriage
Hiding assets before divorce is one way that soon-to-be-exes might try to take advantage of the situation so that they wind up with more money. By hiding the amount of money you have, there is less to split with your ex. If you are concerned that your partner might be hiding money, it’s important to reach out to an attorney to figure out the best way to protect yourself financially. You might notice that funds are missing from accounts, or that accounts seem to be dwindling quickly. Or you might find some tax discrepancies. Unusual purchases or withheld income can also be signs that your ex is monkeying around with your finances. Hopefully, if you notice any of these warning signs, you’ll be able to take action to protect yourself.
Warning Signs that Spouse is Hiding Assets Before Divorce
Missing Funds
This one might seem obvious, but if you notice that your accounts seem unusually low or are dwindling quickly, it might be a red flag that your spouse is hiding assets. They might be transferring funds to an account that you don’t have access to. Or, they might be loaning money out to friends or family. These people will then pay it back after the divorce. By hiding some of the money in your accounts, there will be less to divvy up between the two of you.
Tax Discrepancies
Another warning sign that your spouse could be hiding assets is if they are meddling around with your taxes. They might overpay for income taxes and ask the IRS to use the money for future years. This way, the IRS will have money they can apply to their taxes after you no longer file jointly. If they are an independent contractor or business owner, they can also overestimate business expenses. These are tax-deductible and will decrease their net profit. This means less money to divvy up while they pocket more. This is a form of tax fraud.
Unusual Purchases
If you notice your spouse purchasing unusual amounts of things like antiques, art, or jewelry, it could mean they are hiding assets. These are items that hold their value well. Your spouse might downplay their worth so that they aren’t included on your assets list. Or significantly undervalue them. They can sell them after the divorce is final.
Withheld Income
Finally, if your spouse seems to be delaying payments on large contracts or commissions, it can also be a warning sign that they’re hiding assets. They might be asking their company to hold off on paying a bonus or commission until after the divorce is final. Then, they can pocket all of the money without having to split it.
Hiding assets is a dirty move, but unfortunately, in contentious divorces, it can happen. To prevent this from happening, it’s best to reach out to an attorney. Do this as soon as you think divorce might even be a possibility. They can help you protect yourself financially and look for warning signs that your spouse hiding assets. Be on the watch for money leaving your accounts or inconsistencies with your taxes. In addition, if your spouse is making odd purchases or doesn’t seem to be getting paid for large commissions, it can be a warning sign. It’s important to always have a general knowledge of your overall financial health as a couple so that your partner cannot hide assets from you.
Nov 13, 2022 | Marriage
If you are in an unhappy marriage, it can feel overwhelming. But sometimes, those signs that things are beginning to go sour can creep up on you unexpectedly. There can be many issues in a relationship, but there are some things that many unhappy couples have in common. For example, they might argue constantly or have trouble communicating. The marriage might feel one-sided, leading to feelings of loneliness. And there might be a lack of romance or even the desire to start a romance with somebody else. All of these things can be warning signs that things are not going well in your marriage. If you are feeling this way, it’s important to communicate with your partner so you can decide the best course of action together.
Common Signs of an Unhappy Marriage: What To Do?
Constant Arguments
One common sign of an unhappy marriage is if a couple fights all the time. Arguments are normal in any relationship, but they should not be constant. If you and your spouse are always battling, it might be a sign that your communication needs some improvement. A therapist can be very helpful in navigating conflict. If fights escalate to abusive behavior, you need to end the relationship because the abuse is not likely to stop.
Loneliness
Another common sign of an unhappy marriage is a feeling of loneliness. If it feels like one person puts more effort into your relationship, it might be a red flag. Marriage should be a joint partnership with equal effort on both sides. In addition, if you feel like you don’t connect with your spouse anymore, or if you feel like they aren’t there for you, it might be time to examine where your relationship is going.
Lack of Romance
There might be a lack of romance in an unhappy marriage. This doesn’t necessarily mean sex. There can be reasons why couples might not be having sex that doesn’t mean they’re unhappy. However, there should always be some romance and some connection between partners. If you feel like the romance has died, it might be time to try to shake things up a bit. If that doesn’t work, or if you aren’t feeling inclined to do so, maybe it’s time to look at your marriage.
Feelings for Someone Else
Finally, if you are having romantic feelings for somebody else, it’s a sign that you’re in an unhappy marriage. While it’s normal to feel attraction to other people, if you’re wanting to start a relationship with them, it’s a sign that you aren’t having your needs met by your spouse. If you are talking to an ex or beginning to spend more time with a new friend then it’s time to have a conversation with your spouse.
It can be painful to realize that you are in an unhappy marriage. Maybe you’ve noticed that you and your spouse are constantly arguing, or that you feel lonely. Or that there’s a lack of romance in your relationship. Or maybe you’ve started talking to somebody new to fill a gap that your spouse isn’t filling. All of these things can point to an unhappy marriage. If you’re experiencing them, then it’s time to discuss things with your spouse. Find out how they feel and whether they’re experiencing the same issues. If you both want to heal your relationship, reach out to a marriage counselor and commit to giving your best effort. Hopefully, you can either decide together to make your marriage stronger or decide together to move towards an amicable divorce.
Jul 31, 2022 | Divorce, Marriage
It can feel not easy to make time for your marriage, especially if you have young children. However, it’s incredibly important for you and your spouse to reconnect. The best way to make time for your partner is to put it on your calendar. If you need childcare, don’t feel guilty about hiring a babysitter or asking for help from a friend. And remember, it’s not about the quantity of the time, it’s about the quality. Make a more concentrated effort to connect with your spouse and set aside other distractions. Hopefully, even with little children, you and your partner can find the time to make your marriage a priority.
How to Make Time for Your Marriage: Even with Young Children
Realize the Importance
The only way to make time for your marriage if you have young children is to realize how essential it is. Our lives get so busy, that it’s easy to allow relationships to take a back seat. However, every marriage needs effort and dedication. You can prioritize your relationship by showing appreciation for one another, communicating, and spending quality time together.
Put It in Your Calendar
The best way to make time for your marriage is to put it on your calendar. Physically blocking out a specific time during the week to reconnect with your spouse will help you both make it a habit. Don’t let other things take priority, but instead, make that time set in stone for each other.
Hire Help
While you can make time for your marriage by having a date night at home, sometimes it’s nice to get out of the house. Especially if you also work remotely. Hire a sitter for a few hours so that you and your spouse can have alone time where you know you won’t be interrupted. If a sitter isn’t an affordable option, see if a friend or family member will help out.
Make it Quality Time
Finally, when you do make time for your marriage, make sure that it’s quality time. Put aside your cell phones for a bit so that you can re-connect distraction-free. Try to take an interest in your partner’s life. Communication is all about becoming a better listener. When you set aside a specific time in the day to reconnect, it can prevent tensions from building up and bubbling over.
If you have young children, it might feel like you never have time for yourself, let alone your partner. However, it’s incredibly important to make time for your marriage so that you can re-connect with your spouse. It’s far too easy to begin to feel like roommates with one another, rather than partners in a marriage. So put quality time on your schedule and carve out some time each week to communicate with one another. Hire a sitter or ask a friend to watch your kids so that you won’t be distracted. And finally, put away your phones so that you can focus on one another. The years with young children can be difficult for a marriage, but if you both put effort into reconnecting, you can make your marriage even stronger.
