When you’re in a marriage, it can become a large part of your identity. As a result, a divorce can make you question who you really are. Discovering your new post-divorce identity can be tricky. However, there are some ways you can make it easier…
Post-Divorce Identity: Find the New You
In order to create your new post-divorce identity, you should first consider how you view the divorce itself. For many people, they see their marriage as a sign of success. Over time, their marriage becomes a very important part of who they are. A divorce is drastically changing what they see as a key part of who they are.
Usually, this will make them feel like they are a failure. They believe that they failed in their role as a spouse, rather than accepting that sometime relationships of all types don’t work out. This also tends to come with a massive sense of loss. If you find yourself feeling this way, then it’s key to make some changes.
Don’t let divorce define you
It’s important that you don’t let your divorce define your post-divorce identity. The end of a marriage doesn’t mean you can’t experience new, great things in the future. Instead, you have to keep in mind that a divorce is just one small hurdle in the grand scheme of life.
You should also remember that while a divorce can be rough, it doesn’t always properly represent the people involved. You and your spouse can be great people who just had a relationship which didn’t work out. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with that, and you don’t have to let it define you!
Looking to the future
Your should focus your post-divorce identity on what you want to do in the future. It’s good to take some time and reflect on what you really enjoy doing. Start small by thinking about stuff like hobbies or interests that you neglected while married. These can serve to be some inspiration for what you’d like to do down the line.
Also, consider the lessons your marriage and divorce have taught you. Taking away those important lessons will help you immensely in the future. That way, you can begin to do some strong self-improvement, and really become the person you want to be.
Ending a marriage can come in several different forms. There is a difference between divorce, separation and annulment. They all mean different things. Here are some of their differences.
Ending a Marriage: Divorce, Separation and Annulment
A divorce is when a couple goes through the process of legally ending a marriage before either spouse has passed away. There are many different reasons that a couple may choose to get a divorce. Each state may handle the divorce process differently. Once a divorce is finalized, the two people are no longer legally bound to each another. This opens up the ability for either or both people to remarry or enter into a domestic partnership.
When someone gets an annulment, it is a way of ending a marriage that states that the marriage is null and void. Annulments are not granted very often. An exception to this is when a court finds that a marriage is not valid. Reasons that could warrant an annulment are duress, fraud, bigamy, or incest. Another reason could be that one party was underage and lacked parental consent. Alternatively, they never lived together, or one spouse was not mentally able to make the decision.
Annulments are not the same as a divorce. If someone does not meet the requirements for an annulment, they will have to file for a divorce. With an annulment, the marriage never happened. On the other hand, a divorce ends a marriage that was legally valid. Just like with a divorce, the parties are legally single. Because of this, the parties are able to get remarry afterwards.
A separation is not actually a way of ending a marriage directly. A separation occurs when a married couple makes a legal decision to live separate lives. This happens while thinking about or getting ready for divorce. This is not the same as if a couple decides to informally live apart. A separation does not allow for either person to remarry. This is because they are still both legally married.
In some states, the date a couple separated will determine how long they have to wait to get a divorce. Sometimes, couples work through their issues during this period. This can lead to them to get back together. Other times, couples decide to go through with a divorce.
As you can see, divorce, annulment and separation are 3 very different things. With divorce and annulment, the parties become single. On the other hand, separation is just a time period before a possible divorce takes place.
Divorce can be a draining and emotional process which can leave you feeling pretty down and depressed. These feelings can begin to seep into other parts of your life, especially if you’re a co-parenting. Co-parenting depression can be rough on both you and your kids. Therefore, it’s helpful to know some methods which make things easier for everyone and can help you bounce back…
Co-Parenting Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Have shared house rules
Something which can make your co-parenting depression worse is a lack of shared rules. It can be extremely tough for you when your kids forget how to behave because you and your ex don’t share any basic rules. Plus, this makes It harder for your kids to learn what kind of behavior is acceptable or not. Therefore, you’ll want to have some rules which you both enforce.
For example, maybe you can both agree on certain bedtimes. You may also be able to find common ground on when they should do their homework, time they get to spend on electronics, etc. While not every rule has to be the same, just having a few in common can make things go smoother.
Keep in touch
Another issue which can contribute to co-parenting depression is a lack of communication. Some exes struggle to talk without arguing. Others may not communicate at all, which prevents them from being on the same page. However, it’s important to keep some kind of healthy communication open.
One thing you may want to try is keeping your conversations digital. It may be easier for you to keep it touch via email or text instead of phone calls or in-person meetings. Plus, it’ll be more convenient, especially if there’s any sudden schedule changes or other issues which come up.
Focus on what you have
Going from being a “normal” family to a split one is a major source of co-parenting depression. This can be made even worse if it seems your ex is moving on faster then you are. However, it’s important not to focus on the supposed negatives. Rather, you should focus on the positive things you have.
After all, you still get to be a parent to your kids and be involved in their lives. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent. There may even be new opportunities which have opened up because of your divorce. You just have to be willing to look for them!
2020 has been a year of firsts for many. Maybe you had your first child, marriage, divorce, quarantine… In many areas, divorce rates have hit a high between quarantine and a lot of one-on-one time. After all, even when you’re married, many people live a portion of their lives separately. Now that they aren’t, those fractures might increase. But, before rushing to our office for a post-quarantine divorce, we urge you to consider the pro’s and cons. Furthermore, is this something you actually want or are you just in desperate and difficult times?..
Post-Quarantine Divorce: What To Consider
Evaluate your situation
When you begin to consider a post-quarantine divorce, you don’t want to rush things. Rather, you should slow down and thing about what’s going on. All the stress that the pandemic is causing could be having a negative impact on your mental health and marriage.
Therefore, you need to think if what’s going on in your marriage is due to the crisis, or comes from long-standing issues. Having to spend so much time with each other can make those problems become apparent. If you feel that these issues have been brewing for some time, then a divorce may make sense.
Consider your priorities
If you’ve set yourself on a post-quarantine divorce, then you need to think about what you can take care of now. Many places may be closed or on reduced hours, which can slow down the process. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t get some initial prep work out of the way.
You’ll also need to think about your living situation. Will you be able to find another place to stay if needed? Or will you need to stay sheltered-in-place for some time? If you find yourself in the latter situation, then make sure you and your soon-to-be-ex can come up with some plans to make things tolerable.
Be sure to plan out your post-quarantine divorce. It’s good to develop a basic game plan and some ideas of what you may want to get out from it. There might be a lot of people with the same idea, and so don’t be surprised if the process still takes longer than it would normally.
Also, think about your post-divorce life. This might include thinking about a potential new job, home, etc. It can be hard to fully predict what your situation will be like in a few month’s time, so make sure you have a few backup plans in mind. At the end of the day, you have to make the right choice for your family whatever that may be. We encourage you to do just that and to call us if you need us.
A divorce is a very uncertain time in anyone’s life. Where do you go from here? What’s a good way to start over? Post-divorce worries are not uncommon. But, with the right support and one first step in the right direction you will begin making progress. I can guarantee it. We’ve compiled some of the most common worries that people have after divorce and given you a way or two to combat them. You have to start facing them sometime… right?
Post-Divorce Worries: Rise Above
Needing to both move and find a new job tend to be some post-divorce worries which go hand-in-hand. If you need to move, then odds are you may also need to find a new job. But, if you need to find new work, that could also require a move. These are both big changes and they can leave you feeling quite concerned.
Therefore, it’s important to try and think about the positives. You’ll have full control over your new home and how you decide to set it up. Plus, a new job can open up new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before. It may take some time for it all to come into place, but you can see great results if you keep calm and find a mix which works for you.
Relationship with the kids
Another type of post-divorce worries are those about your connection with your kids. A lot of parents feel that a divorce is going to ruin their bond with their kids. They tend to be afraid that maybe their kids will resent and hate them for thinking they split their family up.
The thing is, it’s possible that those early days/months can be a bit rough for the kids to adjust to. However, that’s why it’s also key that you show them the love and support that they need. Even if they come off as a bit distant, seeing you still care for them will mean a lot. Eventually, they’ll understand what has happened and why, and with your help, adjust to this somewhat different lifestyle.
Many post-divorce worries relate to trying to go out and date again. Some people worry that they’re too “out of practice” and won’t know how to date again. Others think that their divorce makes it so no one will want to date them ever again. As a result, they wonder if they need to accept that they won’t find a new partner ever again.
Of course, going into dating with such a negative mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, you should keep positive and wait until you feel ready to date again. It might take some getting used to, but that’s okay! By sticking with it and getting more comfortable, you’ll be able to find someone you truly get along great with.
When you’re going through a divorce, one of the biggest decisions you’ll find yourself making— is what becomes of the family home? You’ve spent the better part of your marriage, and your adult life, making this house a home, and a safe haven for your family. But, now that your family is going to be looking a little bit different— what is the right choice for this, no longer communal, space? Do you keep it? Does your spouse? Or, do you sell the home and go your separate ways? Every family will make this choice, and do so in a different way…
Family Home: Where Do We Go From Here?
This decision is emotional for all parties involved. After all, you bought the family home, or built it, with a vision of building a family there. Little feet on the hardwood, grandchildren, and growing old. But, now, you’re left to decide where you go from here. Maybe you want the house right now, or your spouse does. Or, maybe neither of you want to take it on by yourself…
Taking on the debts of a home by yourself…
While, in the moment, you might decide that you want this house. After all, you put a lot of love, blood, sweat, and tears into making the family home what it is today. You don’t just want to pass off all that work to the highest bidder. But, before you make the decision, and buy your spouse out, you have to make a few decisions.
Chiefly, you have to decide if you can afford the debts of a home by yourself. Utilities, upkeep, accidentals… There is a lot of financial hardship that goes into owning a home, especially a home built for an entire family.
Do you want to give up other assets, or a nest egg, in exchange for this house?
You might want the family home. If so, you might have to either buy your spouse out of their portion, or give some other large asset over in exchange. Therefore, you have to decide if this specific house is worth giving up something else potentially beneficial. Ultimately, you have to decide what it’s worth to you.
A family home has a lot of memories…
While you might love your home, and the memories you’ve made here— not all of them are good. Furthermore, not all of those memories are going to be fond. You must consider if you really want to spend the years following a divorce in a family home that represents your marriage. Do you want to sleep in the same room, maybe even the same bed, that you spent the best and worst days of your marriage in?
Making the decision to sell the family home can be a difficult one. But, it can make for a cleaner break and a fresh start for the both of you. Consider taking the money you make from it, and buy something better suited to your new lifestyle. We wish you luck in this difficult time, offer our condolences for your divorce, and extend our services if you find that you may need them.