Divorce can be a draining and emotional process which can leave you feeling pretty down and depressed. These feelings can begin to seep into other parts of your life, especially if you’re a co-parenting. Co-parenting depression can be rough on both you and your kids. Therefore, it’s helpful to know some methods which make things easier for everyone and can help you bounce back…
Co-Parenting Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Have shared house rules
Something which can make your co-parenting depression worse is a lack of shared rules. It can be extremely tough for you when your kids forget how to behave because you and your ex don’t share any basic rules. Plus, this makes It harder for your kids to learn what kind of behavior is acceptable or not. Therefore, you’ll want to have some rules which you both enforce.
For example, maybe you can both agree on certain bedtimes. You may also be able to find common ground on when they should do their homework, time they get to spend on electronics, etc. While not every rule has to be the same, just having a few in common can make things go smoother.
Keep in touch
Another issue which can contribute to co-parenting depression is a lack of communication. Some exes struggle to talk without arguing. Others may not communicate at all, which prevents them from being on the same page. However, it’s important to keep some kind of healthy communication open.
One thing you may want to try is keeping your conversations digital. It may be easier for you to keep it touch via email or text instead of phone calls or in-person meetings. Plus, it’ll be more convenient, especially if there’s any sudden schedule changes or other issues which come up.
Focus on what you have
Going from being a “normal” family to a split one is a major source of co-parenting depression. This can be made even worse if it seems your ex is moving on faster then you are. However, it’s important not to focus on the supposed negatives. Rather, you should focus on the positive things you have.
After all, you still get to be a parent to your kids and be involved in their lives. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent. There may even be new opportunities which have opened up because of your divorce. You just have to be willing to look for them!
2020 has been a year of firsts for many. Maybe you had your first child, marriage, divorce, quarantine… In many areas, divorce rates have hit a high between quarantine and a lot of one-on-one time. After all, even when you’re married, many people live a portion of their lives separately. Now that they aren’t, those fractures might increase. But, before rushing to our office for a post-quarantine divorce, we urge you to consider the pro’s and cons. Furthermore, is this something you actually want or are you just in desperate and difficult times?..
Post-Quarantine Divorce: What To Consider
Evaluate your situation
When you begin to consider a post-quarantine divorce, you don’t want to rush things. Rather, you should slow down and thing about what’s going on. All the stress that the pandemic is causing could be having a negative impact on your mental health and marriage.
Therefore, you need to think if what’s going on in your marriage is due to the crisis, or comes from long-standing issues. Having to spend so much time with each other can make those problems become apparent. If you feel that these issues have been brewing for some time, then a divorce may make sense.
Consider your priorities
If you’ve set yourself on a post-quarantine divorce, then you need to think about what you can take care of now. Many places may be closed or on reduced hours, which can slow down the process. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t get some initial prep work out of the way.
You’ll also need to think about your living situation. Will you be able to find another place to stay if needed? Or will you need to stay sheltered-in-place for some time? If you find yourself in the latter situation, then make sure you and your soon-to-be-ex can come up with some plans to make things tolerable.
Be sure to plan out your post-quarantine divorce. It’s good to develop a basic game plan and some ideas of what you may want to get out from it. There might be a lot of people with the same idea, and so don’t be surprised if the process still takes longer than it would normally.
Also, think about your post-divorce life. This might include thinking about a potential new job, home, etc. It can be hard to fully predict what your situation will be like in a few month’s time, so make sure you have a few backup plans in mind. At the end of the day, you have to make the right choice for your family whatever that may be. We encourage you to do just that and to call us if you need us.
A divorce is a very uncertain time in anyone’s life. Where do you go from here? What’s a good way to start over? Post-divorce worries are not uncommon. But, with the right support and one first step in the right direction you will begin making progress. I can guarantee it. We’ve compiled some of the most common worries that people have after divorce and given you a way or two to combat them. You have to start facing them sometime… right?
Post-Divorce Worries: Rise Above
Needing to both move and find a new job tend to be some post-divorce worries which go hand-in-hand. If you need to move, then odds are you may also need to find a new job. But, if you need to find new work, that could also require a move. These are both big changes and they can leave you feeling quite concerned.
Therefore, it’s important to try and think about the positives. You’ll have full control over your new home and how you decide to set it up. Plus, a new job can open up new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before. It may take some time for it all to come into place, but you can see great results if you keep calm and find a mix which works for you.
Relationship with the kids
Another type of post-divorce worries are those about your connection with your kids. A lot of parents feel that a divorce is going to ruin their bond with their kids. They tend to be afraid that maybe their kids will resent and hate them for thinking they split their family up.
The thing is, it’s possible that those early days/months can be a bit rough for the kids to adjust to. However, that’s why it’s also key that you show them the love and support that they need. Even if they come off as a bit distant, seeing you still care for them will mean a lot. Eventually, they’ll understand what has happened and why, and with your help, adjust to this somewhat different lifestyle.
Many post-divorce worries relate to trying to go out and date again. Some people worry that they’re too “out of practice” and won’t know how to date again. Others think that their divorce makes it so no one will want to date them ever again. As a result, they wonder if they need to accept that they won’t find a new partner ever again.
Of course, going into dating with such a negative mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, you should keep positive and wait until you feel ready to date again. It might take some getting used to, but that’s okay! By sticking with it and getting more comfortable, you’ll be able to find someone you truly get along great with.
When you’re going through a divorce, one of the biggest decisions you’ll find yourself making— is what becomes of the family home? You’ve spent the better part of your marriage, and your adult life, making this house a home, and a safe haven for your family. But, now that your family is going to be looking a little bit different— what is the right choice for this, no longer communal, space? Do you keep it? Does your spouse? Or, do you sell the home and go your separate ways? Every family will make this choice, and do so in a different way…
Family Home: Where Do We Go From Here?
This decision is emotional for all parties involved. After all, you bought the family home, or built it, with a vision of building a family there. Little feet on the hardwood, grandchildren, and growing old. But, now, you’re left to decide where you go from here. Maybe you want the house right now, or your spouse does. Or, maybe neither of you want to take it on by yourself…
Taking on the debts of a home by yourself…
While, in the moment, you might decide that you want this house. After all, you put a lot of love, blood, sweat, and tears into making the family home what it is today. You don’t just want to pass off all that work to the highest bidder. But, before you make the decision, and buy your spouse out, you have to make a few decisions.
Chiefly, you have to decide if you can afford the debts of a home by yourself. Utilities, upkeep, accidentals… There is a lot of financial hardship that goes into owning a home, especially a home built for an entire family.
Do you want to give up other assets, or a nest egg, in exchange for this house?
You might want the family home. If so, you might have to either buy your spouse out of their portion, or give some other large asset over in exchange. Therefore, you have to decide if this specific house is worth giving up something else potentially beneficial. Ultimately, you have to decide what it’s worth to you.
A family home has a lot of memories…
While you might love your home, and the memories you’ve made here— not all of them are good. Furthermore, not all of those memories are going to be fond. You must consider if you really want to spend the years following a divorce in a family home that represents your marriage. Do you want to sleep in the same room, maybe even the same bed, that you spent the best and worst days of your marriage in?
Making the decision to sell the family home can be a difficult one. But, it can make for a cleaner break and a fresh start for the both of you. Consider taking the money you make from it, and buy something better suited to your new lifestyle. We wish you luck in this difficult time, offer our condolences for your divorce, and extend our services if you find that you may need them.
After you’ve decided to get a divorce, the next hardest step might be trying to figure out how to tell people about your divorce. While your divorce is technically your business, eventually people will start to catch on and be curious. So, you might want to get a jump on things and let your loved ones know what’s coming down the pipe. Divorce announcements are an option that many divorcees might explore, especially the more lighthearted ones. But, how do you approach it? And what do you say to the people around you to show that you’re okay?
Divorce Announcements: Spreading the Word
Know What You Want to Say
The first and most apparent thing to think about when making divorce announcements is what to say. This will help avoid the pressure and stress that can come with creating one on-the-spot. Keeping it simple might seem like a suitable option, but it helps to not have it be too simple. Only saying “so-and-so and I are getting a divorce” leaves a lot of room for questions that you might not want to answer, especially to strangers. However, including something like “I appreciate the support but don’t wish to talk about it further right now”can help prevent this. Now, people will know what is going on and that you don’t want to talk about it, letting you open up when you feel comfortable to do so.
How To Tell People
Knowing what to say is one part of divorce announcements. Howyou tell people is another part to consider. In today’s age, you have more ways to share the news than ever before. For example, social media allows for you to spread the message to your followers (most of who will be your friends and family) with just one post. This is especially helpful if you worry about how many people you’ll have to tell. However, face-to-face is usually the preferred method. It’s the hardest, but it’s much more “personal” than a mass message, especially for close friends and family.
Who Should You Tell ?
Finally, the last thing to consider for divorce announcements is who to tell. If you’ve just started your divorce, you might want to only tell those very close to you. This is totally normal! Dealing with other people’s opinions along with your divorce can be too much to handle. As your divorce goes on, you can start to tell more people if you begin to feel more comfortable. However, if you are a more private person, there’s nothing wrong with only telling your closest friends and family.
In the end, you get to choose how you talk about your divorce. You get to control what you say, how you say it, and who you tell it too when it comes to your divorce. Using the strategies outlined here can help make that tough process all the more doable.
For some, school is their entire lives. For many others, however, going to school was never a thought. Or if it was, they put in their time and got out. But what about going to school post-divorce? Is this new chapter of your life sparking an interest in a certain field? Perhaps your new single lifestyle should be accompanying a new career. If this is the case for you, consider these tips when going back to school.
School Post-Divorce: Making Positive Changes
Get Up to Date
If you’ve been out of school for a while, your chunky laptop might not make the cut any more. Going to school post-divorce might require you to treat yourself to some new technology! New developments in tech mean more accessible textbooks and classroom resources. Tablets, laptops, and convertible laptops are great tools to set your new class off just right.
Know Your Comfort Zone
Going to school may be out of your comfort zone. It’s refreshing to push yourself and your boundaries. It’s important to remember, however, that your life is much different than the last time you were in school. For your first semester back to school post-divorce, make sure you don’t overload it.
Focus on Finances
Keep in mind that school post-divorce costs just as much as it did pre-divorce. While financial aid, grants, and scholarships are available, they rarely cover every expense you have. Keep these financial responsibilities in mind when deciding to go back to school.
If you’re returning to school post-divorce, there’s a good chance you will be slightly older than your fresh-faced peers. Don’t worry! Know that you deserve your spot in the class just as much as everyone else. You can connect with new people and groups on campus, which might be a good idea for those in need of new hobbies.
You deserve the benefit of going to school post-divorce. If you are trying to decide if this is right for you, you might start with class you have a genuine interest in. Classes like these could include the arts or music. Do whatever you feel will serve yourself best.