Jun 3, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Various Forms of Relationship Abuse and How to Get Help
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Apr 8, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
If you are considering whether or not it’s time for marriage counseling, then it probably is! A little guidance can help even the most healthy relationship. But it’s especially important if you find yourself struggling to connect with your partner. For example, if you are having communication issues. In addition, if there is broken trust within the marriage or an affair, a counselor can help you deal with it. If the intimacy in your marriage has dropped off or changed, it’s not a bad idea to seek help. And finally, even if your relationship is perfect, it’s always a good idea to check in with a counselor periodically. Hopefully, you’ll be able to sort out any issues you are your partner are having and build a much stronger relationship.
When is it Time for Marriage Counseling? How to Know When You Need Help
You Have Trouble Communicating
One reason why it might be time for marriage counseling is if you are struggling to communicate. If it feels like you and your partner are often not on the same page, it might be time to get help. A marriage counselor can help you find ways of communicating with each other effectively. There are many different ways of communicating, and your partner will likely respond better to some than others. A counselor can help you identify these.
Broken Trust
Another reason it might be time for marriage counseling is if there is a lack of trust in the relationship. For example, if one of you has had an affair. This can be incredibly painful to deal with. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and communicate with your partner about the affair.
Lack of Intimacy
Lack of intimacy might be another thing that lets you know it’s time for marriage counseling. If your sex life has changed recently or dropped off completely, it can be a sign that there is something amiss in your relationship. It might not necessarily be a dire warning, but it might be a sign that your partner is dealing with some new emotions. A counselor can help bring these to light in a way where you can talk about them together.
Things are Great
Finally, it might be time for marriage counseling…if things are going great! Marriage counseling doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with your relationship. Counseling can help you learn to have difficult conversations more easily with each other. It can also help you identify areas where you might be able to improve your relationship. Seeing a therapist can help you prepare for any bumps that come along.
Many different things can signal that it’s time for marriage counseling. Any major changes in your relationship are a great reason to seek some outside help. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, or feel you’re not on the same page, it might be time. In addition, if the trust has been broken, a counselor can help you sort out your feelings. A lack of intimacy or change in your sex life can be a great time to check in with a counselor. And finally, even if things are going great, seeing a marriage therapist is always helpful. They can help you learn to communicate better so that you’re prepared to handle anything that comes your way. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get the help you need to make your marriage as strong as possible.
Feb 18, 2022 | Divorce, Emotional impact of divorce
It can be difficult to deal with a child’s behavioral changes after divorce. Children react in many different ways to sudden changes in their lives. Some will act out, others get quiet, and some regress with behaviors. It’s not uncommon to see any of these changes in your children if you are going through a divorce. However, it’s important to support them through the life change. Give it time, because often things like this resolve themselves quickly. It can help to talk to your children about how they’re feeling. Be reassuring to them each time you talk that they will adjust quickly to their new life. And finally, seek the help of a therapist if you feel like your child is needing some extra support. It can be hard to see your children going through these things, but kids are resilient. It might take an adjustment period, but they will settle into a new routine soon enough.
Dealing with Child’s Behavioral Changes After Divorce: Each Child is Different
Give it Time
Your child’s behavioral changes after divorce might be making things difficult at home. Regressions are a common reaction to big life changes. So you might be seeing regressions with sleep or using the bathroom. This is completely normal and often resolves itself quickly. Be patient with your child and give them support to re-learn the task.
Talk it Out
You can also try talking it out to help your child’s behavioral changes after divorce. Your child may want to open up and talk about their feelings. Some kids do well with explaining big feelings, while others might be shyer. Make sure that they know they can come to you with any questions without you being angry. Even if the things they say are painful to hear, don’t react defensively. Understand that this is a big change for them just as much as it is for you.
Be Reassuring
It’s always helpful to be a calming voice of reassurance when dealing with your child’s behavioral changes after divorce. Often behavioral problems stem from a deep-seated feeling of guilt and blame. Children often internalize a divorce and begin to think that they are the cause. Make sure that they know that they did not have anything to do with the divorce. It’s always helpful to reassure them about how much you love them. And of course, reassure them that they will adjust to this new lifestyle in their own time.
Speak to a Therapist
Finally, if you are searching for some professional help with your child’s behavioral problems after divorce, reach out to a therapist. There are many pediatric therapists and counselors available who can give you some guidance. They might do play therapy, talk therapy, or a combination of many things. They will help your child learn how to express their feelings and cope with big feelings.
Children feel your stress and anxiety. So when you go through a divorce, no matter how much you keep from them, they’ll pick up on your mood. Divorce is hard on everybody. And their entire life may be changing in big ways with new living arrangements and not getting to see both parents all the time. If you are having trouble with your child’s behavioral changes after divorce, get support from other parents who have been in your situation. They might suggest that you give it some more time to let the issues resolve on their own. Or you might try talking to your children in a very reassuring way about how they’re feeling. And finally, if you need some professional support, reach out to a childhood therapist. There are many ways to help your child handle the big feelings of divorce. Just remember that they are resilient, they will adjust, and you are probably doing the best thing for them in the end.
Oct 1, 2021 | Divorce, Family Law
Your divorce is final. It’s taken months and what might feel like years of stress and anxiety. You’ve put so much energy into keeping yourself organized and hashing out details. But it’s finally over. Now what? You might be at a loss because it’s the first time you’re confronting your new life without the distraction of a divorce. Take time to acknowledge that life that you’ve lost and grieve your divorce. If you’ve been holding off telling others, now is the time when you can finally let your friends and family know. Next, make a plan for yourself and how you’d like the next years of your life to look like. And finally, take your time moving on. You’ve gone through one of the biggest stressors in your life, and you can move forward with a new life.
My Divorce is Final: Now What do I do? Tips for Moving On
Take Time to Grieve
Some have compared the stress of divorce to being comparable to the stress of losing somebody close to you. You started your married life together with a version of what your future would look like. But you probably never expected to be going through a divorce. It’s ok to take time to grieve that life you planned to have. It’s healthy. After your divorce is final, acknowledge what you’ve lost and take time to experience your sadness. Try writing down your feelings in a journal to organize your thoughts. You might even be able to gain more perspective on your relationship with your spouse once you’re able to step away.
Let Others Know
If your divorce is final, now is the time to open up and let others know. If you’ve been hiding your separation, now is the time to give people notice. You may need to alert people if you’ve changed your address. Similarly, if you’ve changed your name you’ll need to update your friends and family. You’ll also need to register the name and address change with the DMV, Social Security Office, and others. Go at your own pace when telling people about your divorce. Keep it simple and try not to badmouth your ex.
Make a Plan
After your divorce is final, you’ll need to make a plan for your future. Things probably look very different than you were expecting when you first got married. Now it’s time to make a new plan for the next few years and beyond. The first thing up is to make a financial plan. Your assets and income might have been affected in the divorce, so making a budget is more important than ever. You’ll also want to plan out how to handle future events with your ex if you have split custody. Figure out what your new life looks like and set goals for yourself. You’ll adapt to your new life soon and will be proud of yourself when you reach milestones.
Move on at Your Own Pace
You’ll want to move on at your own pace after your divorce is final. While it’s important to eventually move on, give yourself plenty of time. You want to make sure that you are comfortable being single again before you try to seek out a new relationship. Try to keep things moving slowly. Hopefully, you’ve learned a lot about yourself and what you need in a future partner. Taking it slow will allow you to make sure you are both a good fit for each other before things get too serious. Once you are comfortable, try putting yourself out there and meeting new people. Maybe you can make a connection with somebody new that will be an even better partner for you.
After your divorce is final, you may feel a little bit at a loss since you’ve been so focused on the divorce for so long. Take plenty of time for yourself to grieve and accept that your life looks different than you expected. Also, give yourself time to get comfortable being single before moving on romantically. Let your friends and family know if you haven’t already. Now is also the time to update your contact information if your address or name has changed. Finally, make a plan for yourself and layout how you’d like your future to look. Hopefully, the next chapter of your life will be fulfilling and exciting.
Feb 14, 2021 | Divorce, Family Law
Alimony is a court-ordered payment that is awarded to a spouse or former spouse within a separation or divorce agreement. There is a reason behind why court-ordered alimony exists. The purpose is to provide financial support to the spouse who makes a lower, or no, income. Laws about alimony can vary from state to state. This guide will help you learn a little bit more about alimony.
Court-Ordered Alimony: What is It?
The Basics
The goal of court-ordered alimony is to provide spousal support. This is so that that the other spouse can continue the lifestyle they are used to, despite getting a divorce. No one wants to find themselves in unexpected debt after getting a divorce. The amount of money owed and duration of the payments could be different based on how long a couple was married. Also, they may also weigh the current and potential future incomes of the spouses. There are other factors that will determine the amount and type of alimony. Therefore, these are just a part of the equation.
Timeframe
Based on different factors, the length of time that court-ordered alimony must be paid for could vary. A judge, or both of the parties involved, may set an expiration date for the alimony. This means that the payer is no longer has to financially support his or her spouse. They no longer have to make payments.
In addition to this, there may be other reasons that alimony may end. These may vary from state to state. There could be a termination of alimony in the event that a former spouse remarries, children no longer require a parent at home, retirement, or death. Another possibility could be if a judge deems that the recipient is not making efforts to become self-sufficient.
Child Support
It is important to keep in mind that court-ordered alimony should not be confused with child support. These are two separate things. For example, the purpose of alimony to support a spouse or former spouse. On the other hand, child support payments are meant to support one or more children from a relationship or marriage that has ended.
You now know some of the basics about court-ordered alimony. The criteria used for determining alimony can vary from state to state. Also, the circumstances that dictate many aspects of the alimony will differ based on location as well as the unique situation of both parties involved. Also, remember that child support and alimony are not the same things.
Jun 26, 2020 | Divorce, Family Law
2020 has been a year of firsts for many. Maybe you had your first child, marriage, divorce, quarantine… In many areas, divorce rates have hit a high between quarantine and a lot of one-on-one time. After all, even when you’re married, many people live a portion of their lives separately. Now that they aren’t, those fractures might increase. But, before rushing to our office for a post-quarantine divorce, we urge you to consider the pro’s and cons. Furthermore, is this something you actually want or are you just in desperate and difficult times?..
Post-Quarantine Divorce: What To Consider
Evaluate your situation
When you begin to consider a post-quarantine divorce, you don’t want to rush things. Rather, you should slow down and thing about what’s going on. All the stress that the pandemic is causing could be having a negative impact on your mental health and marriage.
Therefore, you need to think if what’s going on in your marriage is due to the crisis, or comes from long-standing issues. Having to spend so much time with each other can make those problems become apparent. If you feel that these issues have been brewing for some time, then a divorce may make sense.
Consider your priorities
If you’ve set yourself on a post-quarantine divorce, then you need to think about what you can take care of now. Many places may be closed or on reduced hours, which can slow down the process. Still, that doesn’t mean you can’t get some initial prep work out of the way.
You’ll also need to think about your living situation. Will you be able to find another place to stay if needed? Or will you need to stay sheltered-in-place for some time? If you find yourself in the latter situation, then make sure you and your soon-to-be-ex can come up with some plans to make things tolerable.
Plan ahead
Be sure to plan out your post-quarantine divorce. It’s good to develop a basic game plan and some ideas of what you may want to get out from it. There might be a lot of people with the same idea, and so don’t be surprised if the process still takes longer than it would normally.
Also, think about your post-divorce life. This might include thinking about a potential new job, home, etc. It can be hard to fully predict what your situation will be like in a few month’s time, so make sure you have a few backup plans in mind. At the end of the day, you have to make the right choice for your family whatever that may be. We encourage you to do just that and to call us if you need us.
