Jul 8, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
A divorce is a very uncertain time in anyone’s life. Where do you go from here? What’s a good way to start over? Post-divorce worries are not uncommon. But, with the right support and one first step in the right direction you will begin making progress. I can guarantee it. We’ve compiled some of the most common worries that people have after divorce and given you a way or two to combat them. You have to start facing them sometime… right?
Post-Divorce Worries: Rise Above
Moving/new job
Needing to both move and find a new job tend to be some post-divorce worries which go hand-in-hand. If you need to move, then odds are you may also need to find a new job. But, if you need to find new work, that could also require a move. These are both big changes and they can leave you feeling quite concerned.
Therefore, it’s important to try and think about the positives. You’ll have full control over your new home and how you decide to set it up. Plus, a new job can open up new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before. It may take some time for it all to come into place, but you can see great results if you keep calm and find a mix which works for you.
Relationship with the kids
Another type of post-divorce worries are those about your connection with your kids. A lot of parents feel that a divorce is going to ruin their bond with their kids. They tend to be afraid that maybe their kids will resent and hate them for thinking they split their family up.
The thing is, it’s possible that those early days/months can be a bit rough for the kids to adjust to. However, that’s why it’s also key that you show them the love and support that they need. Even if they come off as a bit distant, seeing you still care for them will mean a lot. Eventually, they’ll understand what has happened and why, and with your help, adjust to this somewhat different lifestyle.
Dating
Many post-divorce worries relate to trying to go out and date again. Some people worry that they’re too “out of practice” and won’t know how to date again. Others think that their divorce makes it so no one will want to date them ever again. As a result, they wonder if they need to accept that they won’t find a new partner ever again.
Of course, going into dating with such a negative mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, you should keep positive and wait until you feel ready to date again. It might take some getting used to, but that’s okay! By sticking with it and getting more comfortable, you’ll be able to find someone you truly get along great with.
Jul 1, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
After you’ve decided to get a divorce, the next hardest step might be trying to figure out how to tell people about your divorce. While your divorce is technically your business, eventually people will start to catch on and be curious. So, you might want to get a jump on things and let your loved ones know what’s coming down the pipe. Divorce announcements are an option that many divorcees might explore, especially the more lighthearted ones. But, how do you approach it? And what do you say to the people around you to show that you’re okay?
Divorce Announcements: Spreading the Word
Know What You Want to Say
The first and most apparent thing to think about when making divorce announcements is what to say. This will help avoid the pressure and stress that can come with creating one on-the-spot. Keeping it simple might seem like a suitable option, but it helps to not have it be too simple. Only saying “so-and-so and I are getting a divorce” leaves a lot of room for questions that you might not want to answer, especially to strangers. However, including something like “I appreciate the support but don’t wish to talk about it further right now”can help prevent this. Now, people will know what is going on and that you don’t want to talk about it, letting you open up when you feel comfortable to do so.
How To Tell People
Knowing what to say is one part of divorce announcements. Howyou tell people is another part to consider. In today’s age, you have more ways to share the news than ever before. For example, social media allows for you to spread the message to your followers (most of who will be your friends and family) with just one post. This is especially helpful if you worry about how many people you’ll have to tell. However, face-to-face is usually the preferred method. It’s the hardest, but it’s much more “personal” than a mass message, especially for close friends and family.
Who Should You Tell ?
Finally, the last thing to consider for divorce announcements is who to tell. If you’ve just started your divorce, you might want to only tell those very close to you. This is totally normal! Dealing with other people’s opinions along with your divorce can be too much to handle. As your divorce goes on, you can start to tell more people if you begin to feel more comfortable. However, if you are a more private person, there’s nothing wrong with only telling your closest friends and family.
In the end, you get to choose how you talk about your divorce. You get to control what you say, how you say it, and who you tell it too when it comes to your divorce. Using the strategies outlined here can help make that tough process all the more doable.
Jun 24, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.
How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk
Planning For It
The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce.
Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.
Things to Say
Children often find divorce hard to understand. In order to help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is something that is possible.
Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.
Listen
In order to help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kid’s concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings.
Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.
Apr 16, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Being a stepparent can be both rewarding and tricky. As a new stepparent, you are going to want to create a bond with your new stepchildren. Do not be surprised if it takes a new stepchild a while to warm up to you. At the same time, do not let this slow warming-up period think it will never get better. Keep working at it, and things will turn around. It will just take some time and some patience as they adjust to this changing dynamic.
How-to Bond with Stepchildren: Relationship Building
Spend Quality Time Together
As with any relationship, you have to spend time together to form a bond with stepchildren. Plan to do fun, special things with your stepchildren. Start by asking them what types of activities they like to do. By doing something that they already enjoy, they may have a more positive experience. Make sure you are spending good, quality time with them and that you are actually engaging. For example, sitting in the corner, distracted, on the phone will not show the kids that you want to interact with them. If you try to make these fun activities a routine, your stepchildren will start looking forward to spending time with you.
Understand Their Frustrations
Do your best to be patient with your stepchildren and understand their frustrations. For instance, you should listen to them, and hear what they have to say. Just as it took time for you to adjust to a new relationship, it will take the kid’s time as well. Also, keep in mind that you were able to choose your new partner. Remember that they did not have as much say in the situation. They will likely express their frustration at that at some points as you build your bond with stepchildren.
Get Involved in Their Life
Do things that show your stepchildren that you care about them. Go to their game, play, recital, or another event they are involved in. For instance, ask them questions, and make sure to seem genuinely interested. Try and learn about the things that they participate in. Show interest in them and what they care about. Do your best to be supportive of them as well. One tip would be to offer to drive them to their practice or activity. This would show you care about something they are a part of and also will give you some good one-on-one time with them.
Treat Them Like Your Own Kids
If you make your stepchildren feel like they’re just an extra thing you have to carry around, they will start to resent you. Keep in mind that these kids have just gone through some big changes, and likely just had some sad experiences. For example, try introducing them as your kids, instead of step kids, so that they feel included. You definitely do not want them to feel like they are not really part of the family. Additionally, that includes not showing favoritism towards any biological kids you may have. The best way to do this is by treating them as if they were your own kids.
At the same time, do not try to replace their actual parents. Your role is not to replace their mom or dad, but to be a stepparent. Your role is special and does not have to compete with their biological parents. Also, be candid with your stepchildren and tell them that this is all new for you too.
Although it may feel like it is taking a while, do not give up. Just make sure you are showing interest in your stepchildren and their lives, being patient and understanding, and treating them as one of your own. Over time, these steps will help you form a strong bond between yourself and your stepchildren.
Feb 20, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Divorce can be a draining and emotional process which can leave you feeling pretty down and depressed. These feelings can begin to seep into other parts of your life, especially if you’re a co-parenting. Co-parenting depression can be rough on both you and your kids. Therefore, it’s helpful to know some methods which make things easier for everyone and can help you bounce back…
Co-Parenting Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Have shared house rules
Something which can make your co-parenting depression worse is a lack of shared rules. It can be extremely tough for you when your kids forget how to behave because you and your ex don’t share any basic rules. Plus, this makes It harder for your kids to learn what kind of behavior is acceptable or not. Therefore, you’ll want to have some rules which you both enforce.
For example, maybe you can both agree on certain bedtimes. You may also be able to find common ground on when they should do their homework, time they get to spend on electronics, etc. While not every rule has to be the same, just having a few in common can make things go smoother.
Keep in touch
Another issue which can contribute to co-parenting depression is a lack of communication. Some exes struggle to talk without arguing. Others may not communicate at all, which prevents them from being on the same page. However, it’s important to keep some kind of healthy communication open.
One thing you may want to try is keeping your conversations digital. It may be easier for you to keep it touch via email or text instead of phone calls or in-person meetings. Plus, it’ll be more convenient, especially if there’s any sudden schedule changes or other issues which come up.
Focus on what you have
Going from being a “normal” family to a split one is a major source of co-parenting depression. This can be made even worse if it seems your ex is moving on faster then you are. However, it’s important not to focus on the supposed negatives. Rather, you should focus on the positive things you have.
After all, you still get to be a parent to your kids and be involved in their lives. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent. There may even be new opportunities which have opened up because of your divorce. You just have to be willing to look for them!
Dec 11, 2022 | Adoption, Family Law
It is no secret that adoptions can be very expensive. Some families who are wanting to adopt may face financial challenges when setting out on their adoption journey. It can feel like an overwhelming challenge at times. But, there are many creative ways people raise money for adoptions. Learn more about being able to pay for an adoption so that you are prepared when the time comes.
How-to Raise Money for Adoptions: Fund-Raising
Crowdfunding Campaigns
Crowdfunding campaigns like GoFundMe have become a popular way to raise money for an adoption. If you are able to create a blog, record a video, or find a way to share your story, other people could be inspired to donate to your cause. Who knows, your fundraiser campaign could even go viral.
Another crowdfunding resource is Kickstarter. The drawback to this one is that you may not get your funds released if you do not hit your set goal. This is different than GoFundMe, which releases the funds even if you do not raise the full amount of your goal.
Gift Campaign
Your birthday is perfect time to raise money for adoptions. Instead of asking for physical gifts, ask for a donation towards your adoption fund instead. This also applies to Christmas gifts as well. When someone asks you want you want for a gift, tell them you are skipping physical gifts in lieu of donations towards the adoption goal.
Also, fundraising campaigns on Facebook are becoming popular for birthday gift campaigns. You are able to create a fundraiser to help raise money for a cause. Many people launch these fundraisers for their birthday.
Declutter Your Home
You probably have extra clutter laying around your house. Use decluttering to your advantage and raise money for adoptions. As an added bonus, you will be making more room for your new child and their things! One way to do this is to host a yard sale. You can sell unwanted items and clothing out in your own front yard!
If your home is not conducive to this, or you do not want to set up a yard sale, there are other options for you. Ebay, Poshmark, Facebook Marketplace and Craigslist are all great resources for selling unwanted items. Poshmark is more geared towards clothing items, but the other 3 platforms can sell just about anything.
While it may seem like an unreachable challenge to raise all of the money you need for an adoption, it is possible. Use crowdfunding resources, forgo asking for physical gifts in lieu of a donation, and sell unwanted items laying around your house. If you put in some effort, you will be well on your way towards reaching your goal in no time!
