Jul 1, 2022 | Co-parenting, Family Law
If you are wondering if you should fight for sole custody after your divorce, a lot depends on the motivations behind it. If you want to fight for custody as a way of retaliating against your ex, it’s probably not the best idea. However, if you have concerns about your ex’s ability to parent, then it might be best to seek sole custody. Think about your children’s schedules as well and what type of custody will give them the most consistency. There can be harmful effects if your children are close to their other parents and suddenly don’t get to see them anymore. But if you have any concerns about their safety, then sole custody might be in their best interest. Hopefully, you and your ex can find the solution that works best for you and your children.
Should I Fight for Sole Custody? When Sole Custody is Appropriate
What’s the Motivation?
The motivation behind wanting to fight for sole custody is an important thing to consider. Divorces can be bitter and long, and create a lot of resentment. If that resentment is the reason you want to seek sole custody, you might want to think again. You need to put aside your feelings and think about what’s in your children’s best interests. No matter how difficult the divorce was, if your ex is a good parent, your children deserve to have them in their lives.
Your Children’s Schedules
A major consideration when deciding if you want to fight for sole custody is your children’s schedules. Kids thrive on consistency. Therefore, the more reliable schedule you can give them the better. You and your ex need to try to work together to keep their wake times, sleep times, mealtimes, and activities as similar as possible. If you don’t think your ex is capable of this, then maybe sole custody is a good idea. For example, if your ex doesn’t have a stable living environment or schedule, then that could be difficult for your kids.
Repercussions
It’s important to think through the decision about whether to fight for sole custody carefully. This is a big deal. There can be harmful effects on children if they are separated from a parent. Especially if they are close with both of their parents. Often, kids start acting out or displaying other behavioral issues when they are going through such big changes. If you do seek sole custody, make sure to get your children the support they need. For example, a child therapist or psychologist.
Safety Concerns
If you have any safety concerns about your children with your ex, then it’s a good idea to fight for sole custody. For example, if there are substance abuse problems or mental illnesses that make them unreliable. Or if their living environment is chaotic or unsafe for children. Sole custody doesn’t just mean the physical custody of children. You will also be the sole decider in all decisions for them, for things like medical questions, schooling, and anything else that comes up. So if you have concerns about your ex’s ability to make those kinds of decisions, then it might be appropriate to seek sole custody.
The decision to fight for sole custody is a big one and one that needs a lot of consideration. If you do win sole custody you will be responsible for making all legal decisions for your children. Make sure that your motivation for seeking sole custody is in the kids’ best interest. Not a way of getting back at your ex. Consider your kids’ schedules when coming up with a plan. And keep in mind that children need consistency in their lives. Think things through carefully as there can be harmful effects of children losing one of their parents. However, if you have safety concerns then it might be in your kids’ best interest to seek sole custody. They need a safe and stable environment. Hopefully, you and your family can find the custody arrangement that suits you best, and your children can adapt quickly.
Jun 24, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Marriage counseling is a great tool for any couple to use throughout their marriage. A good marriage counselor can give you tips to strengthen your bond in good times and in hard times. However, some people view the need for counseling as a weakness. They might not be open to seeing a therapist at all. If you are trying to convince a partner to see a counselor with you, make sure to pick a good time and place to bring up the conversation. Do your homework up front so you can tell them what they can expect from a session. Listen to their concerns and try to work through some of them. If they refuse, you can still go on your own and benefit from counseling. Hopefully, you’ll be able to convince them to join, and you both can get the support you need.
How to Talk Your Partner Into Marriage Counseling: A Tough Sell for Some
Choose the Right Time and Place
If you’re trying to convince a partner to try marriage counseling, it’s important to start the conversation in the right way. For example, you want to pick a time when you have some uninterrupted time to talk things through. Don’t sideline them as they’re walking out the door. Instead, tell them you’d like to discuss something important and then in a non-judgemental way, bring up therapy. Make sure it doesn’t sound like you are accusing them of anything. Rather, you just think that both of you could benefit from some outside support.
Do Your Homework Up Front
Do your homework on marriage counseling up front, especially if it’s going to be a tough sell. You might even consider going ahead and making an appointment and just letting your partner know you’d like them to join you. Research what happens in counseling sessions so you can alleviate any worries they have. Remind them that you aren’t going so that they can be blamed for anything, and the therapist will not choose sides.
Listen to Their Concerns
If you are having trouble convincing a partner to go to marriage counseling, listen to their reasons why. They might not have a lot of confidence in therapy in general. Or perhaps, they’re afraid of letting a stranger know intimate details of your life. They might even be worried that the therapist will choose sides and they will feel ganged up on. Try to reassure them as much as you can while being respectful of their feelings.
If They Still Won’t Go
Finally, if your partner refuses to go to marriage counseling, just go yourself! Even if you are there alone, there is so much a therapist can do to help you. They might give you advice about talking with your spouse or things to try to convince them to come. Perhaps if your spouse sees the improvements you make in your life because of therapy, they’ll be convinced to try a session.
Bringing up marriage counseling can be a difficult conversation for some couples. If you know that it’s going to be a tough sell with your partner, make sure to pick the right moment to bring it up. Have plenty of time and privacy to discuss, and don’t suggest it during a fight or as you’re walking out the door. Do your research upfront so you can let them know what happens during a session and what to expect. Listen to their concerns respectfully and try to alleviate their worries as best as you can. Hopefully, you can convince them to join you, but if not, it’s still worth going on your own. Every person can benefit from counseling. Hopefully, you and your partner will go together and learn to strengthen your marriage.
Jun 17, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
The custody transition after divorce can be a difficult and painful time for parents and children. Everything they know is changing and sometimes children don’t react well. They might lash out, shut down, regress in behaviors, or show other concerning signs of stress. Remind yourself and them that this will seem normal soon enough. Be as consistent as you can be across your households with schedules and activities. Give your children an outlet if they are older. For example, a child psychologist or therapist to talk to about their feelings. And finally, be patient. This process can take a long time and many struggles with this transition for a while. But hopefully, your children will adapt to change quickly and everybody will settle into their new routine easily.
Easing the Custody Transition After Divorce: Easing Your Child’s Worries
Reassure Them
It can help ease the custody transition after divorce to always reassure your children. Reassure them that you love them and that the divorce did not have anything to do with them. Children often feel guilt about divorces or internalize them as their fault. Make sure they know that is not the case. Also, reassure them they’ll get used to their new schedule quickly.
Be Consistent
Children thrive on consistency. So it can be helpful when easing the custody transition after divorce to keep their routines as similar as possible. Try to stick to their normal schedule and school activities. Make sure that you and your ex are following similar routines at each of your houses. Try to keep bedtime, mealtimes, and wake times as consistent as possible.
Give Them An Outlet
If you have older children, a professional can help ease the custody transition for them. They might not want to open up to you or your ex because you are so involved in the situation. So giving them another adult that they can trust is often very helpful. Reach out to a child therapist or counselor. Even younger children can benefit from seeing a child psychologist.
Be Patient
Finally, be patient with the custody transition. It can take a long time for children to get in the swing of things with their new schedules. Try to give them the time and space to feel their feelings without pressuring them. Just be consistent and reassure them of your love. Make them feel secure. Eventually, they will come to see their new schedule as normal.
Easing the custody transition for children during a divorce can be hard on parents. Children feel emotions deeply and it can often be hard to figure out what’s going on in their heads. Divorce can be very hard on children, but with some consistency and love, you can help them get used to their new normal. Constantly reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that you love them. Be as consistent as you can be with their schedules across your and your ex’s households. If your children are older, consider letting them speak with a counselor or therapist about their feelings. Children often open up more to adults who are not their parents. And finally, just give it time. This transition can take a while, but hopefully, you will all adjust to your new lives and begin the next exciting chapter.
Jun 3, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Various Forms of Relationship Abuse and How to Get Help
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Apr 8, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
If you are considering whether or not it’s time for marriage counseling, then it probably is! A little guidance can help even the most healthy relationship. But it’s especially important if you find yourself struggling to connect with your partner. For example, if you are having communication issues. In addition, if there is broken trust within the marriage or an affair, a counselor can help you deal with it. If the intimacy in your marriage has dropped off or changed, it’s not a bad idea to seek help. And finally, even if your relationship is perfect, it’s always a good idea to check in with a counselor periodically. Hopefully, you’ll be able to sort out any issues you are your partner are having and build a much stronger relationship.
When is it Time for Marriage Counseling? How to Know When You Need Help
You Have Trouble Communicating
One reason why it might be time for marriage counseling is if you are struggling to communicate. If it feels like you and your partner are often not on the same page, it might be time to get help. A marriage counselor can help you find ways of communicating with each other effectively. There are many different ways of communicating, and your partner will likely respond better to some than others. A counselor can help you identify these.
Broken Trust
Another reason it might be time for marriage counseling is if there is a lack of trust in the relationship. For example, if one of you has had an affair. This can be incredibly painful to deal with. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and communicate with your partner about the affair.
Lack of Intimacy
Lack of intimacy might be another thing that lets you know it’s time for marriage counseling. If your sex life has changed recently or dropped off completely, it can be a sign that there is something amiss in your relationship. It might not necessarily be a dire warning, but it might be a sign that your partner is dealing with some new emotions. A counselor can help bring these to light in a way where you can talk about them together.
Things are Great
Finally, it might be time for marriage counseling…if things are going great! Marriage counseling doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with your relationship. Counseling can help you learn to have difficult conversations more easily with each other. It can also help you identify areas where you might be able to improve your relationship. Seeing a therapist can help you prepare for any bumps that come along.
Many different things can signal that it’s time for marriage counseling. Any major changes in your relationship are a great reason to seek some outside help. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, or feel you’re not on the same page, it might be time. In addition, if the trust has been broken, a counselor can help you sort out your feelings. A lack of intimacy or change in your sex life can be a great time to check in with a counselor. And finally, even if things are going great, seeing a marriage therapist is always helpful. They can help you learn to communicate better so that you’re prepared to handle anything that comes your way. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get the help you need to make your marriage as strong as possible.
Mar 18, 2022 | Co-parenting, Family Law
The first week of joint custody can be a big change in your life. It can often cause a lot of stress for you, your ex, and your children. However, no matter how different it feels, you will get used to the new schedule eventually. Children are incredibly resilient and will bounce back quickly as well. Talk to your children ahead of time so that they know what the plan is. Keep their schedules as consistent as possible to their old schedule and between you and your ex’s homes. Keep your cool with your ex and try to put your co-parenting relationship first. And finally, expect issues the first week. This is a big adjustment and takes some getting used to. The more flexible you can be, the better. You’ll adjust and get used to your new normal quickly.
The First Week of Joint Custody: Getting Used to the New Normal
Talk to Your Children
The first week of joint custody might be a big upheaval for your children. Therefore, it’s important to prepare them ahead of time. Talk to them about what their schedule will look like for the week. Especially if they’ll be spending a few nights at a new house with your partner. Listen to their concerns and reassure them. For example, make sure that they know how much you love them. And also reassure them that they will adjust to their new schedule quickly.
Keep Schedules the Same
The first week of joint custody is much easier if you can keep some consistency in your children’s schedule. Children thrive on repetition and schedule. Try to keep their schedule as similar to normal as possible. There will be some times when you’ll need to adjust, but try to keep things as close as possible. Also, try to make sure that you and your ex are keeping consistent schedules across your two homes. For example, similar nap times, wake times, and mealtimes.
Keep Your Cool
It’s important to keep your cool with your ex during the first week of joint custody. You will need to work together with them for the rest of your lives, so now’s a great time to start. Be understanding if they need to make changes to the schedule. Hopefully, in return, they’ll be flexible with you if you need to make changes. Never bad-mouth them on social media or with your friends. And of course, never bad-mouth them in front of your children.
Expect Mishaps
During the first week of joint custody, you should plan to have some mishaps. This is a big adjustment and it likely won’t go perfectly smoothly the first week. The more you prepare for things to go wrong, the less stress it will cause. Try to stay as flexible as possible and anticipate some missteps along the way. You’ll work out the kinks soon enough.
The first week of joint custody is a big change in your life and your children’s lives. It can be a scary time for you and them. So try to remember that the stress you feel over the change will be gone soon. You’ll quickly adjust to your new normal. Likewise, your children will adjust quickly to their new schedules. Try to prepare them ahead of time and listen to their concerns. Keep consistency in their schedules as much as is possible. Play nicely with your ex and remember to put your co-parenting relationship first. And of course, try to stay flexible when the inevitable snags happen during the first week. This is a big adjustment for everybody, so there will likely be a few missteps here and there. But everybody will adjust quickly and you’ll be able to begin your new life post-divorce.
