Jun 17, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
The custody transition after divorce can be a difficult and painful time for parents and children. Everything they know is changing and sometimes children don’t react well. They might lash out, shut down, regress in behaviors, or show other concerning signs of stress. Remind yourself and them that this will seem normal soon enough. Be as consistent as you can be across your households with schedules and activities. Give your children an outlet if they are older. For example, a child psychologist or therapist to talk to about their feelings. And finally, be patient. This process can take a long time and many struggles with this transition for a while. But hopefully, your children will adapt to change quickly and everybody will settle into their new routine easily.
Easing the Custody Transition After Divorce: Easing Your Child’s Worries
Reassure Them
It can help ease the custody transition after divorce to always reassure your children. Reassure them that you love them and that the divorce did not have anything to do with them. Children often feel guilt about divorces or internalize them as their fault. Make sure they know that is not the case. Also, reassure them they’ll get used to their new schedule quickly.
Be Consistent
Children thrive on consistency. So it can be helpful when easing the custody transition after divorce to keep their routines as similar as possible. Try to stick to their normal schedule and school activities. Make sure that you and your ex are following similar routines at each of your houses. Try to keep bedtime, mealtimes, and wake times as consistent as possible.
Give Them An Outlet
If you have older children, a professional can help ease the custody transition for them. They might not want to open up to you or your ex because you are so involved in the situation. So giving them another adult that they can trust is often very helpful. Reach out to a child therapist or counselor. Even younger children can benefit from seeing a child psychologist.
Be Patient
Finally, be patient with the custody transition. It can take a long time for children to get in the swing of things with their new schedules. Try to give them the time and space to feel their feelings without pressuring them. Just be consistent and reassure them of your love. Make them feel secure. Eventually, they will come to see their new schedule as normal.
Easing the custody transition for children during a divorce can be hard on parents. Children feel emotions deeply and it can often be hard to figure out what’s going on in their heads. Divorce can be very hard on children, but with some consistency and love, you can help them get used to their new normal. Constantly reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that you love them. Be as consistent as you can be with their schedules across your and your ex’s households. If your children are older, consider letting them speak with a counselor or therapist about their feelings. Children often open up more to adults who are not their parents. And finally, just give it time. This transition can take a while, but hopefully, you will all adjust to your new lives and begin the next exciting chapter.
Jun 3, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Various Forms of Relationship Abuse and How to Get Help
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Several forms of relationship abuse can take place between partners. Unfortunately, all forms of abuse can leave victims with scars- both physical and psychological. The abuse stems from a desire to control another person. Physical abuse involves acts of violence against a partner. Emotional abuse can take many forms but almost always creates feelings of the doubt for victims. It leaves them feeling powerless in the relationship. Financial abuse involves an abuser restricting money for a victim to make them more dependent on their abuser. And finally, sexual abuse happens when an abuser either forces unwanted sexual advances on a partner or withholds intimacy. All forms of abuse are damaging to victims, and if you are experiencing any of these, it’s important to get help.
Physical
Physical abuse is the form of relationship abuse that we most often think about. This form of abuse is meant to frighten victims by using physical harm. For example, the abuser might hit, punch, choke or use other means to hurt their victim. Sometimes abusers are careful to avoid leaving marks or scars. Or they make sure that injuries aren’t easily visible to others. By doing this, they can make it harder for others to realize what’s happening in their relationship.
Emotional
Emotional abuse is another form of relationship abuse that is, unfortunately, very common. It can take many forms, but it is a way for an abuser to harm their victim’s mental health. They might gaslight them into questioning their own emotions, question their every decision, or insult them. They might also threaten or try to control them. When victims feel like they doubt their own decisions, they can be less likely to seek out help. In addition, abusers often try to isolate their victims from friends and family so that their partners become reliant on them.
Financial
Relationship abuse can also take the form of financial abuse. This is a situation where an abuser can control their victim through financial means. For example, they might control all of the money and only let their partners have access to a tiny bit at a time. Or they might cut them off financially from the rest of the world so that they are dependent. Financial abuse can leave victims with absolutely no idea how to get away from their abuser because they do not have any resources.
Sexual
Finally, one form of relationship abuse that sometimes gets overlooked is sexual abuse. While this can be a form of physical abuse if the abuser forces their partner to have sex, it can also involve the withholding of affection. An abuser might use threats of sexual violence against their victim. Or they might refuse to engage in any sort of intimacy or affection until their victim does what they want.
Relationship abuse can take many different forms. However, it always is a way for an abuser to use fear to control their victim. They might engage in physical violence with them, emotionally damage their well-being, financially restrict them, or sexually abuse them. If you are in a relationship that involves abuse, you need to realize that it will not stop. Abusers do not change or stop abusing their victims. Victims need to create a plan to safely leave the relationship. Reach out to a supportive friend or family member to help you look into options near you for shelters or help for abuse victims. You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find resources in your area that can help you get away. Leaving an abuser is the only way to protect yourself from the potential physical and psychological harm that they will inflict.
Apr 8, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
If you are considering whether or not it’s time for marriage counseling, then it probably is! A little guidance can help even the most healthy relationship. But it’s especially important if you find yourself struggling to connect with your partner. For example, if you are having communication issues. In addition, if there is broken trust within the marriage or an affair, a counselor can help you deal with it. If the intimacy in your marriage has dropped off or changed, it’s not a bad idea to seek help. And finally, even if your relationship is perfect, it’s always a good idea to check in with a counselor periodically. Hopefully, you’ll be able to sort out any issues you are your partner are having and build a much stronger relationship.
When is it Time for Marriage Counseling? How to Know When You Need Help
You Have Trouble Communicating
One reason why it might be time for marriage counseling is if you are struggling to communicate. If it feels like you and your partner are often not on the same page, it might be time to get help. A marriage counselor can help you find ways of communicating with each other effectively. There are many different ways of communicating, and your partner will likely respond better to some than others. A counselor can help you identify these.
Broken Trust
Another reason it might be time for marriage counseling is if there is a lack of trust in the relationship. For example, if one of you has had an affair. This can be incredibly painful to deal with. A therapist can help you sort out your feelings and communicate with your partner about the affair.
Lack of Intimacy
Lack of intimacy might be another thing that lets you know it’s time for marriage counseling. If your sex life has changed recently or dropped off completely, it can be a sign that there is something amiss in your relationship. It might not necessarily be a dire warning, but it might be a sign that your partner is dealing with some new emotions. A counselor can help bring these to light in a way where you can talk about them together.
Things are Great
Finally, it might be time for marriage counseling…if things are going great! Marriage counseling doesn’t necessarily mean there is anything wrong with your relationship. Counseling can help you learn to have difficult conversations more easily with each other. It can also help you identify areas where you might be able to improve your relationship. Seeing a therapist can help you prepare for any bumps that come along.
Many different things can signal that it’s time for marriage counseling. Any major changes in your relationship are a great reason to seek some outside help. If you are having trouble communicating with your partner, or feel you’re not on the same page, it might be time. In addition, if the trust has been broken, a counselor can help you sort out your feelings. A lack of intimacy or change in your sex life can be a great time to check in with a counselor. And finally, even if things are going great, seeing a marriage therapist is always helpful. They can help you learn to communicate better so that you’re prepared to handle anything that comes your way. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get the help you need to make your marriage as strong as possible.
Mar 18, 2022 | Co-parenting, Family Law
The first week of joint custody can be a big change in your life. It can often cause a lot of stress for you, your ex, and your children. However, no matter how different it feels, you will get used to the new schedule eventually. Children are incredibly resilient and will bounce back quickly as well. Talk to your children ahead of time so that they know what the plan is. Keep their schedules as consistent as possible to their old schedule and between you and your ex’s homes. Keep your cool with your ex and try to put your co-parenting relationship first. And finally, expect issues the first week. This is a big adjustment and takes some getting used to. The more flexible you can be, the better. You’ll adjust and get used to your new normal quickly.
The First Week of Joint Custody: Getting Used to the New Normal
Talk to Your Children
The first week of joint custody might be a big upheaval for your children. Therefore, it’s important to prepare them ahead of time. Talk to them about what their schedule will look like for the week. Especially if they’ll be spending a few nights at a new house with your partner. Listen to their concerns and reassure them. For example, make sure that they know how much you love them. And also reassure them that they will adjust to their new schedule quickly.
Keep Schedules the Same
The first week of joint custody is much easier if you can keep some consistency in your children’s schedule. Children thrive on repetition and schedule. Try to keep their schedule as similar to normal as possible. There will be some times when you’ll need to adjust, but try to keep things as close as possible. Also, try to make sure that you and your ex are keeping consistent schedules across your two homes. For example, similar nap times, wake times, and mealtimes.
Keep Your Cool
It’s important to keep your cool with your ex during the first week of joint custody. You will need to work together with them for the rest of your lives, so now’s a great time to start. Be understanding if they need to make changes to the schedule. Hopefully, in return, they’ll be flexible with you if you need to make changes. Never bad-mouth them on social media or with your friends. And of course, never bad-mouth them in front of your children.
Expect Mishaps
During the first week of joint custody, you should plan to have some mishaps. This is a big adjustment and it likely won’t go perfectly smoothly the first week. The more you prepare for things to go wrong, the less stress it will cause. Try to stay as flexible as possible and anticipate some missteps along the way. You’ll work out the kinks soon enough.
The first week of joint custody is a big change in your life and your children’s lives. It can be a scary time for you and them. So try to remember that the stress you feel over the change will be gone soon. You’ll quickly adjust to your new normal. Likewise, your children will adjust quickly to their new schedules. Try to prepare them ahead of time and listen to their concerns. Keep consistency in their schedules as much as is possible. Play nicely with your ex and remember to put your co-parenting relationship first. And of course, try to stay flexible when the inevitable snags happen during the first week. This is a big adjustment for everybody, so there will likely be a few missteps here and there. But everybody will adjust quickly and you’ll be able to begin your new life post-divorce.
Mar 11, 2022 | Family Law, Marriage
With so many people working from home for such a long time, many relationships are feeling the strain. It can be hard to keep the romance alive when you are around your partner every waking moment. While many people have gone back to work in person, many companies are switching to more long-term work-from-home set-ups. Employees have mixed feelings about this. But one thing is for sure: it can change your relationship dynamic. To keep the romance alive, try to make a schedule and stick to it. In addition, get up and put on clothes every day. Make sure to carve out some time alone each day. And finally, also make sure to carve out some dedicated couples time as well. It’s easy to forget that a relationship takes effort, but putting in the work will make you both happier and your relationship stronger.
Relationship Tips When Working from Home: How to Keep the Romance Alive
Make a Schedule
When working from home, it’s important to remember to stick to a schedule. It can be easy to fall into a pattern of lounging around or waiting until a few minutes before your first zoom call to get out of bed. But your mental health will be better if you start the day with a similar routine. Try to get up around the same time each day, and try to keep a similar bedtime as well. Structure your day with work, breaks, and some time to get outside in the fresh air for a bit.
Get Dressed
Another important thing to remember when working from home is to get dressed each day. This might seem silly but it can really change your attitude. Getting up, showering, and putting on clothes can boost your confidence and help you approach the day with a more productive attitude. It can also keep the romance alive a bit more when you and your partner are clean and in something other than pajamas!
Make Time for Yourself
It’s also very important to make time for yourself when working from home. Especially if you and your partner are both working from home full time and even more so if you have children. Carve out some time each day to be alone and to do something that makes you feel happy. It could be as simple as walking the dog, a phone call with a friend, or a bath. You can ask your partner to get out of the house for a little while and offer to switch with them if you feel like you want to be alone. Take a short drive, go run an errand, or get out for a walk to give them privacy.
Make Time for Each Other
While it’s important to take time for yourself when working from home it’s also important to make time for your partner as well. It’s easy to let the romance fade a little when you see each other day in and day out. But talking briefly between Zoom meetings isn’t really the type of quality time that a relationship needs. Try to set aside some time each week where the two of you can connect on non-work things. Keep the phones off and sit down for a meal together or go and do an activity that makes you feel close.
Working from home can be a difficult transition for many couples. While you typically would spend the day apart and then reconnect at night after work, you’re suddenly together all the time. It’s easy to get irritated and let the romance fade. To keep your relationship healthy, try to maintain a schedule as if you are still going into the office. That includes getting up, showering, and getting dressed each day. You don’t need to wear your most uncomfortable suit, but at least change out of your pajamas. Make time for yourself each and every day. And finally, it’s important to also carve out time to be together as a couple. It can be a difficult transition, but there are also a lot of benefits to working at home. Just make sure that you and your partner are on the same page and putting in equal effort into your relationship.
Mar 4, 2022 | Family Law, Post-divorce life
One of the trickiest things to navigate if you remarry and create a blended family is stepparent discipline. Co-parenting comes in many forms and this is absolutely one of them that takes a bit of adjustment. After all, you want to both be a good parent, but also don’t want them to resent you. Striking that balance can be hard, but you can make it easier by using the right techniques…
Stepparent Discipline: Do It Right
Let your spouse take the lead
When it comes to stepparent discipline, the stepparent shouldn’t be taking the lead initially. During those early months, your stepchild may not fully respect your authority. Therefore, when you do try and discipline them, they’ll either ignore you or get even worse. That’s why you want your partner to take control.
It’s good to let your spouse handle discipline at first. They’ll be more experienced, and your stepchild will hold more respect for what they say. You can try to talk to them in a positive manner when they’re misbehaving and see if they stop. But if they don’t, then let your partner take over.
Don’t be too harsh
When it comes time to implement some stepparent discipline, it’s important to not go to far. Being too harsh on your stepchild will cause them to view you as mean and hurt your relationship. Adjusting to being a stepparent can be hard and you may be a bit stressed. Still, you don’t want that to come out in your punishments.
Your punishments should ideally fit with what your stepchild has done wrong. For example, if they were being mean to someone else, you shouldn’t ground them for a week. Instead, explain why what they did was wrong and send them to their room to calm down. When they don’t feel like they’re being punished unfairly, kids tend to better understand why what they did was wrong.
Hear them out
An important part of stepparent discipline is giving your stepchild a chance to tell their side of things. Much like you have, they too have been going through a lot of change. Not only did they have to deal with their parents divorcing, but now they must adjust to a “new” family. This can bring up a lot of emotions and make them act out in response.
However, by giving them a chance to talk, you can better understand how they feel. That way, you can see why they may be acting a certain way. Instead of punishing them, encourage them to talk to you and use it as a chance to help them and improve your bond.
