Jun 18, 2023 | Alcoholism, Co-parenting
Co-parenting with an addict for an ex can feel frustrating and overwhelming. Especially if you share custody and your child spends time with them without your supervision. Your child’s safety and mental well-being are the most important things though, as is your mental health. Start by educating yourself on addiction, and work on skills like conflict resolution or stress management with your child. Be a safe space for them by maintaining a consistent schedule and always being open to listening to their concerns. Finally, enlist help from a support group, or an experienced attorney if you have safety concerns. Hopefully, your ex will get the help they need so you can have a less dysfunctional relationship and so your child will be happier and healthier.
Co-Parenting with an Addict: Maintaining You and Your Child’s Mental and Physical Health
Why It’s So Difficult
Co-parenting with an addict can be maddening and scary. For most parents, their child’s needs and well-being are their absolute top priority. But for addicts, often their top priority is the substance they’re addicted to. They can be irrational and have poor decision-making skills. They might be difficult to maintain contact with or have emotional outbursts. It can be scary to have to relinquish any kind of control over your child to a person acting this way.
Start with Education
The best thing you can do when co-parenting with an addict is to arm yourself with knowledge. Understanding how addiction works will help you interact more effectively with your ex. It’s also important not to waste too much of your energy trying to change them or heal them. Only they can choose when to get the help they need to get clean. If your child is older, consider talking to them about your ex’s addiction, and helping them understand what it means. Work on skills like conflict resolution, building self-confidence, and dealing with stress with your child.
Be a Safe space for Your Child
You and your household need to be a safe space for your child to come back to when co-parenting with an addict. Children thrive on routine, and often, addiction leads to very dysfunctional lifestyles. When your child is with you, stick to a schedule they can count on. This will give them confidence and security. Make sure they understand that they can always come to you with any concerns and will be believed and not judged.
Enlist Help
Finally, when co-parenting with an addict, don’t try to go it alone. There are support groups and networks that can help you find others in similar situations who might have tips on how to deal with it. Additionally, if you feel that you need to re-evaluate your custody agreement for your child’s well-being, speak to an experienced attorney. If you feel your child is in danger, call the police immediately.
Co-parenting with an addict can be very isolating, and it can make you feel nervous about your child’s well-being. It’s natural to be frustrated and concerned in this situation, but the best thing you can do is to educate yourself on how addiction works. Give your child age-appropriate resources so they can also understand what is happening. Work on skills like communication and boundary-setting with them. Make sure that they know they can come to you with any concerns, and try to make your home a safe space for them. Enlist the help of an attorney to re-visit your custody agreement, or call emergency services if you feel your child is in danger. You can’t make an addict change their behavior, but you can arm your child with the tools and knowledge they need so that they can spend time with their other parent without it damaging their mental health.
May 6, 2023 | Co-parenting
There are many co-parenting hurdles that you might be facing if you are recently divorced. Everybody going through a divorce likes to think that they’ll be able to peacefully co-parent after it’s finalized. However, the reality is that divorce can complicate things. It can build up a lot of tension between exes which can make co-parenting more difficult to navigate. Plus, the reality of sharing custody can be a little more difficult than you might expect. Missing holidays with your children can be hard, and long-term planning your schedules is an adjustment too. Mutual events might be awkward at first, and letting go of old wounds can be a process. Luckily, all of these hurdles tend to get much easier to face over time and as you get more used to co-parenting. Hopefully, before long, you’ll be able to get along well enough to make mutually parenting your children productive and healthy.
Common Co-Parenting Hurdles You Might Face After Divorce
Missing Holidays
One of the first co-parenting hurdles that you might face is dealing with missing your children over the holidays. Unfortunately, this is just the reality of sharing custody. There will be some holidays that you miss each year, but then you’ll likely swap the next year. To overcome this hurdle, you can celebrate on your own with your children when you do have time with them. Even if it means moving holidays around a little bit. Your children probably won’t mind at all!
Figuring Out Schedule
Another co-parenting hurdle that can be quite difficult to manage is figuring out your custody schedule. Not only will you have to coordinate your and your ex’s schedules, but also your children’s school and extracurricular. The key to overcoming this difficulty is long-term planning. Try to give as much notice as possible to your ex if you need a certain time with the children. And try to be flexible with one another when you need to make changes.
Mutual Events
Mutual social events can be awkward and painful at first. However, as time goes on, hopefully, they will get easier. And the more you can be around one another, the more you can both be in your children’s lives. To navigate your first mutual event, don’t hide or avoid one another. And don’t rehash old divorce drama. Instead, say hello, and then keep things short. Move on and enjoy your time, and don’t overindulge in alcohol. By keeping it casual and non-personal, you can avoid turning the event into a drama fest where all eyes are on you.
Letting Go of Old Hurts
Letting go of old hurts can be one of the hardest co-parenting hurdles to overcome. Divorce is painful, and it dredges up a lot of resentment and anger. However, hopefully, as time goes by, you’ll be able to let go of some of that anger. While you might think that your ex treated you unfairly, or that things in the divorce didn’t go your way, the fact is that it’s over now. Holding onto resentment will just make it more difficult to co-parent. Try to set aside any petty differences, and instead put your children’s needs first.
Learning to navigate the various co-parenting hurdles that almost all exes face after divorce can take time. However, patience is the key to overcoming almost every one of them. As time goes by, you’ll get better at splitting up your holidays with your ex, and better at long-term planning your custody schedules. You’ll also get more practice at navigating social events together. And hopefully, you’ll be able to let go of
Mar 11, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce can be tricky. You might be feeling incredibly frustrated, resentful, or even hurt. So dealing with your ex is probably the last thing you want to do. However, having two parents that can get along is much healthier for children than being around co-parents who display a lot of conflicts. So although it’s difficult, it’s important to put aside your anger for the sake of your children’s happiness. It’s helpful to focus on your mental well-being during this time. Learn to communicate directly and efficiently with your ex, and don’t send messages through your children. And finally, it’s best to keep all of your frustrations and conflict away from your kids all together. Seeing parents fighting can increase their anxiety. Although it’s difficult, hopefully, you and your ex can come to some sort of peaceful co-parenting solution for the sake of your children.
Co-Parenting After a Contentious Divorce: Moving On
Remember the Big Picture
When co-parenting after a contentious divorce, it’s important to remember the big picture. Yes, you might have a lot of resentment and anger toward your ex. However, retaliating by creating drama with custody will only end up hurting your children. The best thing that both of you can do for them is to provide peaceful and loving homes. And be supportive of their relationship with their other parent.
Work On Your Happiness
It’s also helpful to work on your happiness when co-parenting after a contentious divorce. The divorce process is finally over, so now is the time to re-focus on your own needs. Putting yourself in a better frame of mind will allow you more patience and grace to deal with your ex when dealing with custody issues.
Communicate Effectively
Healthy communication is the secret to co-parenting after a contentious divorce. It might take some trial and error, but you and your ex need to figure out the best way for you to communicate about childcare. For many, that means either face-to-face or via the telephone, but not over text or email where the tone of voice can be confused. It’s also important to speak directly to your co-parent and not try to convey messages to one another through your kids.
Don’t Involve the Children in Drama
Finally, when it comes to co-parenting after a contentious divorce, or when it comes to divorce in general, keep the drama away from your children. They are too young to understand the ins and outs of marriage and divorce. So unloading frustration on them about their other parent whom they love can hurt their feelings. Don’t let them overhear you getting into conflicts with your ex, and don’t trash talk in front of them.
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce might be a process of trial and error. It can take some time to figure out the best way to work together to figure out childcare. Especially if you and your ex went through a lot of pain and hurt with your divorce. Try to focus on the larger picture of creating a healthy and nurturing environment for your children. Work on improving your own happiness and mental health so that you can focus less on drama with your ex. Learn to communicate effectively and efficiently with your ex. And finally, keep the conflict away from your children. After all, is said and done, you and your ex-spouse still love your children deeply, so providing a healthy co-parenting relationship for them is the most important thing.
Aug 7, 2022 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Birthday parties with shared custody can be a little tricky to navigate. Everybody wants their children’s birthday to be extra special. So when you have to split your time with your kids, it can be hard to know the best way to handle their birthdays. Some people choose to work together to throw a joint birthday party. Others split up the day half and a half so that one parent sees the birthday kid in the morning, and the other gets them at night. A yet others simply throw two different birthdays! A lot depends on the relationship you have with your co-parent, finances, and your locations. But the most important thing is that you and your ex put aside your feelings and tension so that your child can have the most special birthday possible.
Birthday Parties with Shared Custody: Figuring Out Your Schedule
Share the Day
Birthday parties with shared custody can be complicated, so there are lots of ways to handle them. If you and your ex get along reasonably well, you can simply share the day with your kids. Plan a party together and attend the party as a family. If you are prone to getting into dramatic standoffs with your ex, this is not the option for you. But as long as you can get along (at least for a little while) you can spend your special day together with your child.
Split the Day
Other couples handle birthday parties with shared custody by splitting up the day. This works well if you live near each other. One parent keeps the children in the morning, and then the parents switch off in the afternoon. That way, each parent gets a chance to see their child on their actual birthday. You can even swap off at the party with one parent setting up and attending for the first half, and then the other parent switching off and handling cleanup after.
Double Up
Finally, for ex-couples that do not interact very peacefully or for exes that live far apart, some choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody by doubling up. Each parent gets to celebrate the children’s birthdays separately. Each year you can switch out who has the child on the actual day of their birth. This option is often a win-win for children because they get to have two parties!
The Bottom Line
However you choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody, the bottom line is that you and your ex need to set aside your differences for the sake of your children. You might have a lot of bitter feelings, but on this day only, it’s all about your birthday child. Try to get along as peacefully as you can so that your child can have a great day.
There are lots of ways to handle birthday parties with shared custody. A lot depends on the relationship that you have with your ex-spouse, and whether you can get along at all. It also depends on how close you live to one another, and of course, your financial situation. Some parents choose to throw one birthday party together for their kids. Others choose to switch off so that they don’t have to overlap very much. And yet others choose to have entirely separate celebrations with their children. It’s up to you to decide which way fits your family’s situation the best. However, the most important thing to remember is that this day isn’t about you and your ex-spouse, it’s about your child. So remember to put their feelings first and make this day as special as it can be.
Jul 1, 2022 | Co-parenting, Family Law
If you are wondering if you should fight for sole custody after your divorce, a lot depends on the motivations behind it. If you want to fight for custody as a way of retaliating against your ex, it’s probably not the best idea. However, if you have concerns about your ex’s ability to parent, then it might be best to seek sole custody. Think about your children’s schedules as well and what type of custody will give them the most consistency. There can be harmful effects if your children are close to their other parents and suddenly don’t get to see them anymore. But if you have any concerns about their safety, then sole custody might be in their best interest. Hopefully, you and your ex can find the solution that works best for you and your children.
Should I Fight for Sole Custody? When Sole Custody is Appropriate
What’s the Motivation?
The motivation behind wanting to fight for sole custody is an important thing to consider. Divorces can be bitter and long, and create a lot of resentment. If that resentment is the reason you want to seek sole custody, you might want to think again. You need to put aside your feelings and think about what’s in your children’s best interests. No matter how difficult the divorce was, if your ex is a good parent, your children deserve to have them in their lives.
Your Children’s Schedules
A major consideration when deciding if you want to fight for sole custody is your children’s schedules. Kids thrive on consistency. Therefore, the more reliable schedule you can give them the better. You and your ex need to try to work together to keep their wake times, sleep times, mealtimes, and activities as similar as possible. If you don’t think your ex is capable of this, then maybe sole custody is a good idea. For example, if your ex doesn’t have a stable living environment or schedule, then that could be difficult for your kids.
Repercussions
It’s important to think through the decision about whether to fight for sole custody carefully. This is a big deal. There can be harmful effects on children if they are separated from a parent. Especially if they are close with both of their parents. Often, kids start acting out or displaying other behavioral issues when they are going through such big changes. If you do seek sole custody, make sure to get your children the support they need. For example, a child therapist or psychologist.
Safety Concerns
If you have any safety concerns about your children with your ex, then it’s a good idea to fight for sole custody. For example, if there are substance abuse problems or mental illnesses that make them unreliable. Or if their living environment is chaotic or unsafe for children. Sole custody doesn’t just mean the physical custody of children. You will also be the sole decider in all decisions for them, for things like medical questions, schooling, and anything else that comes up. So if you have concerns about your ex’s ability to make those kinds of decisions, then it might be appropriate to seek sole custody.
The decision to fight for sole custody is a big one and one that needs a lot of consideration. If you do win sole custody you will be responsible for making all legal decisions for your children. Make sure that your motivation for seeking sole custody is in the kids’ best interest. Not a way of getting back at your ex. Consider your kids’ schedules when coming up with a plan. And keep in mind that children need consistency in their lives. Think things through carefully as there can be harmful effects of children losing one of their parents. However, if you have safety concerns then it might be in your kids’ best interest to seek sole custody. They need a safe and stable environment. Hopefully, you and your family can find the custody arrangement that suits you best, and your children can adapt quickly.
May 13, 2022 | Co-parenting, Post-divorce life
Preparing for the new school year can be a busy and stressful time. There are so many things to get taken care of before the school year starts. This can be even more complicated if you are having to juggle co-parenting and back-to-school as well. There are some steps that can make this transition smoother.
How-to Juggle Co-parenting and Back-to-School: Smooth Transitions
Shopping
The start of a school year can bring a lot of extra expenses for families. For example, kids will need new clothes, supplies for school, and electronic devices. Neither parent should have to pay for all of the items on their own. This should one of the things you discuss when working through co-parenting and back-to-school things.
Be sure to coordinate who will purchase what, so that it will eliminate unnecessary duplicates. Also, this will help to ensure that your child has everything they need. Be prepared for disagreements about brands, price points, and values. Try to find a common ground wherever possible.
Build a Schedule
During the school year, children need a schedule and consistency. Make sure your children know where they are staying each night. Also, make sure that your children know who will be dropping them off or picking them up. Try to keep this schedule consistent so that your children have structure.
A great tip is to create a digital calendar to share with your ex. This will back co-parenting and back-to-school preparations much smoother. For example, you can put sporting events, school holidays, extracurricular activities, and appointments on the calendar. This will help to eliminate confusion or miscommunications.
Information
Be sure that the school has contact information for both parents. This will help to ensure that both parents get communication from the school, including report cards, handouts, and behavioral updates. This will allow for better communication between parents, children, and the school while navigating co-parenting and back-to-school.
Be Involved
Each parent should try and be as involved as possible in their children’s lives. This is something to really focus on while getting into the co-parenting and back-to-school routines. However, this can be difficult to make time for while juggling work and other living things. Carve out some time to spend time asking them about their day and sit down to help them with their schoolwork. This will show them that you care about them and their success.
In the same way, be sure to attend events at school. A great way to be supportive would be to even show up to events that your ex is at. Examples include school performances, graduations, and functions. You do not have to engage with the other parent if you do not feel comfortable doing so. Just remember that you are there to support your child.
