Dec 28, 2023 | Adoption, Co-parenting
Choosing a legal guardian for your children can be a difficult decision, but it’s an important one. If you are making a will, you’ll need to designate a guardian for your kids. This is the person who will raise them if you and your spouse die. There are many things to consider when picking a guardian. You want to make sure that they have a similar lifestyle to you and will raise your children with the values that you’d like. In addition, you might consider whether they already have children. Also, take into account their financial situation and whether they can afford another child. And finally, don’t forget about their location and potentially moving your child. Knowing that you’ve chosen a legal guardian for your children can put your mind at ease.
Choosing a Legal Guardian for Your Children: How to Decide
Lifestyle
One thing to consider when choosing a legal guardian for your children is a lifestyle. While they don’t need to live exactly the way you do, your children must have some continuity. If you and your spouse intend to raise your kids in a specific religion, that’s also something to consider. All in all, the goal is to make the transition as smooth as possible for your children. And also to make sure you’ve designated somebody that will raise them the way you want them to be raised.
Other Children
Another thing to consider when choosing a legal guardian is whether or not they already have other children. If they don’t, it shouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker. But it helps to know that they have some experience with handling kids. In addition, consider that your child will now essentially have siblings that they live with.
Financial Situation
It’s also important to take into account the financial situation of anybody you appoint when choosing a legal guardian. You will likely leave your children some inheritance. If your children are minors, their guardians might have control over this. Make sure that you appoint somebody that you trust financially and who has the means to raise your child.
Location
Finally, when choosing a legal guardian, consider the location. Your child has grown up in a specific location surrounded by certain friends and family. They might already go to school and have friends there. Consider whether or not you’d want to uproot them and have them move to another city.
When choosing a legal guardian, there can be a lot to take into consideration. It’s important to weigh your options carefully because this is the person who will raise your kids in the event of your death. Make sure that it’s somebody you trust to instill the values that you’d like to raise your children with. In addition, consider if they have experience with kids and how many siblings your child will now be living with. Don’t forget that financial means are important too. And finally, consider where they live and if you are comfortable moving your child to a different city. Hopefully, you’ll be able to choose somebody that you trust wholeheartedly with the most important job in the world.
Aug 14, 2023 | Co-parenting, Marriage
Every couple argues sometimes. And children need to see that parents can sometimes have minor conflicts that they resolve. However, if your fighting has become destructive, it’s important to stop arguing in front of your children. Constant arguing in front of your children can affect them negatively in many different ways. It creates a stressful atmosphere for them which can cause short and long-term issues. In addition, they may feel insecure because of constant arguments. They might develop hostility or anger which can harm their relationships in the future. And finally, your relationship with your children might suffer as well. While it’s normal for couples to argue every now and then, if you feel that the arguing is constant and highly combative, it’s best to make sure you are not being overheard by young ears.
Arguing in Front of Your Children: Negative Effects It Can Have on Your Kids
Stress
Arguing in front of your children can create a very stressful atmosphere for them. The raised voices and emotions feel even more overwhelming to a child’s ears than they do adults. Children usually think that raised voices mean they are in trouble, whether or not they’re directed at them. So if you and your spouse are shouting, even if the child is not remotely involved, they can internalize all that anger as being pointed at them. In addition, they don’t know how to cope with strong emotions. So seeing you angry and having emotional outbursts can scare them.
Insecurity
Arguing in front of your children can also create feelings of insecurity. They may wonder whether or not their family is going to stay together. Older children often wonder whether or not their parents will be getting a divorce. This uncertainty can make children feel helpless and confused. This insecurity can have long-term effects on their self-confidence later in life. In addition, they may not build trust with others as easily.
Hostility
Hostility is another negative effect of arguing in front of your children. If your kids see you and your spouse being angry or saying hurtful things, they may think that that is the only way to deal with conflict. This can have very negative impacts on their relationships later in life. If they don’t see you and your spouse dealing with conflict in a healthy way, they’ll never know how to do it themselves. Even younger children can display more hostility if they’re exposed to a lot of arguing.
Relationship Damage
Finally, one final negative consequence of arguing in front of your children is that it can harm your relationship with them. If you and your partner are constantly arguing, you’re more likely to be in a bad mood. This in turn can make you short-tempered or less patient with your kids. They may even feel like they are not a priority. Sometimes, even without realizing it, parents take out their frustrations with other things on their children. All of this can harm your overall relationship with your kids.
All in all, arguing in front of your children can be very harmful both in the short term and even later in their life. It can affect their relationships for years to come. If they see constant conflict, it can create a very stressful environment for them. In addition, they may feel insecure about their family. All of this can result in increased hostility and them not knowing how to healthily handle conflict in their own relationships. And finally, arguing can hurt your relationship with your own kids. If you and your partner are arguing constantly, make sure that your kids are not within earshot. In addition, it might be best to seek professional help in order to learn how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.
Jul 15, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
You can make split custody easier on your children by being communicative and civil with your ex-partner. A new schedule and lifestyle can be very difficult for children. They thrive on routine, so split custody can be a real shock to the system for them. It’s best if you can communicate early about what their schedule will look like. Keep a routine as much as possible, which means being civil with your ex. Give your children resources and space to ask questions and feel their emotions. And finally, if you and your ex have a relationship where this is possible: carve out some family time. Hopefully, you will come up with a custody situation that works well for your family and your children will adjust quickly and easily.
How to Make Split Custody Easier On Children: Adjusting to the New Normal
Communicate With Them
The first step to making split custody easier on children is to set expectations with them. Communicate exactly what is happening. Let them know what their new schedule will look like, and when they’ll be spending time with each of you. Be very reassuring that they are still loved and that the divorce has nothing to do with them. But it is good to explain the situation in clear terms that they can understand.
Keep a Routine
Children thrive on routine. Knowing what their day will look like helps them stay calm and feel in control. Make split custody easier on children by following a routine with them that you share with your ex. If you can keep their day-to-day as similar to before the divorce as possible, the better. This relies on you and your ex being civil with one another and communicating clearly. Try to keep their school day schedule, nap schedule, feeding schedule, and sleep schedule as similar as possible across your two homes.
Give Them Resources
Another way to help make split custody easier on children is to give them resources. Depending on their age, they may or may not feel comfortable confiding in you as a parent. Some children prefer to speak about their feelings with a counselor or therapist. Give them plenty of space to feel their emotions about your divorce. They may also have tough questions. Try to answer them truthfully in an age-appropriate way. And always avoid speaking negatively about your ex.
Carve Out Family Time
Finally, it can make split custody easier on children if you and your ex can get along long enough to do some family activities. While this doesn’t have to happen all the time, children typically do appreciate having time with their whole family together. If you and your ex can be civil with one another, perhaps you could carve out some family time. Aim for something that is not likely to bring up stress, like a walk in a park together or a movie.
Divorce is difficult for everybody involved, including children. You can make split custody easier on children by making sure to lay out what their new schedule will look like for them. They need time to mentally prepare for change just like adults do. Keep a routine as much as possible across your two homes. Also, try to give them resources to deal with their emotions if they seem like they are having a difficult time adjusting. And finally, if it’s possible with your ex, try to take some time for a family outing now and then. Hopefully, you and your ex can remain civil for the sake of your children. A co-parenting relationship is a tough one to maintain, but it’s important for your children’s well-being that you and your ex be civil to make the divorce easier on them.
Jun 18, 2023 | Alcoholism, Co-parenting
Co-parenting with an addict for an ex can feel frustrating and overwhelming. Especially if you share custody and your child spends time with them without your supervision. Your child’s safety and mental well-being are the most important things though, as is your mental health. Start by educating yourself on addiction, and work on skills like conflict resolution or stress management with your child. Be a safe space for them by maintaining a consistent schedule and always being open to listening to their concerns. Finally, enlist help from a support group, or an experienced attorney if you have safety concerns. Hopefully, your ex will get the help they need so you can have a less dysfunctional relationship and so your child will be happier and healthier.
Co-Parenting with an Addict: Maintaining You and Your Child’s Mental and Physical Health
Why It’s So Difficult
Co-parenting with an addict can be maddening and scary. For most parents, their child’s needs and well-being are their absolute top priority. But for addicts, often their top priority is the substance they’re addicted to. They can be irrational and have poor decision-making skills. They might be difficult to maintain contact with or have emotional outbursts. It can be scary to have to relinquish any kind of control over your child to a person acting this way.
Start with Education
The best thing you can do when co-parenting with an addict is to arm yourself with knowledge. Understanding how addiction works will help you interact more effectively with your ex. It’s also important not to waste too much of your energy trying to change them or heal them. Only they can choose when to get the help they need to get clean. If your child is older, consider talking to them about your ex’s addiction, and helping them understand what it means. Work on skills like conflict resolution, building self-confidence, and dealing with stress with your child.
Be a Safe space for Your Child
You and your household need to be a safe space for your child to come back to when co-parenting with an addict. Children thrive on routine, and often, addiction leads to very dysfunctional lifestyles. When your child is with you, stick to a schedule they can count on. This will give them confidence and security. Make sure they understand that they can always come to you with any concerns and will be believed and not judged.
Enlist Help
Finally, when co-parenting with an addict, don’t try to go it alone. There are support groups and networks that can help you find others in similar situations who might have tips on how to deal with it. Additionally, if you feel that you need to re-evaluate your custody agreement for your child’s well-being, speak to an experienced attorney. If you feel your child is in danger, call the police immediately.
Co-parenting with an addict can be very isolating, and it can make you feel nervous about your child’s well-being. It’s natural to be frustrated and concerned in this situation, but the best thing you can do is to educate yourself on how addiction works. Give your child age-appropriate resources so they can also understand what is happening. Work on skills like communication and boundary-setting with them. Make sure that they know they can come to you with any concerns, and try to make your home a safe space for them. Enlist the help of an attorney to re-visit your custody agreement, or call emergency services if you feel your child is in danger. You can’t make an addict change their behavior, but you can arm your child with the tools and knowledge they need so that they can spend time with their other parent without it damaging their mental health.
May 6, 2023 | Co-parenting
There are many co-parenting hurdles that you might be facing if you are recently divorced. Everybody going through a divorce likes to think that they’ll be able to peacefully co-parent after it’s finalized. However, the reality is that divorce can complicate things. It can build up a lot of tension between exes which can make co-parenting more difficult to navigate. Plus, the reality of sharing custody can be a little more difficult than you might expect. Missing holidays with your children can be hard, and long-term planning your schedules is an adjustment too. Mutual events might be awkward at first, and letting go of old wounds can be a process. Luckily, all of these hurdles tend to get much easier to face over time and as you get more used to co-parenting. Hopefully, before long, you’ll be able to get along well enough to make mutually parenting your children productive and healthy.
Common Co-Parenting Hurdles You Might Face After Divorce
Missing Holidays
One of the first co-parenting hurdles that you might face is dealing with missing your children over the holidays. Unfortunately, this is just the reality of sharing custody. There will be some holidays that you miss each year, but then you’ll likely swap the next year. To overcome this hurdle, you can celebrate on your own with your children when you do have time with them. Even if it means moving holidays around a little bit. Your children probably won’t mind at all!
Figuring Out Schedule
Another co-parenting hurdle that can be quite difficult to manage is figuring out your custody schedule. Not only will you have to coordinate your and your ex’s schedules, but also your children’s school and extracurricular. The key to overcoming this difficulty is long-term planning. Try to give as much notice as possible to your ex if you need a certain time with the children. And try to be flexible with one another when you need to make changes.
Mutual Events
Mutual social events can be awkward and painful at first. However, as time goes on, hopefully, they will get easier. And the more you can be around one another, the more you can both be in your children’s lives. To navigate your first mutual event, don’t hide or avoid one another. And don’t rehash old divorce drama. Instead, say hello, and then keep things short. Move on and enjoy your time, and don’t overindulge in alcohol. By keeping it casual and non-personal, you can avoid turning the event into a drama fest where all eyes are on you.
Letting Go of Old Hurts
Letting go of old hurts can be one of the hardest co-parenting hurdles to overcome. Divorce is painful, and it dredges up a lot of resentment and anger. However, hopefully, as time goes by, you’ll be able to let go of some of that anger. While you might think that your ex treated you unfairly, or that things in the divorce didn’t go your way, the fact is that it’s over now. Holding onto resentment will just make it more difficult to co-parent. Try to set aside any petty differences, and instead put your children’s needs first.
Learning to navigate the various co-parenting hurdles that almost all exes face after divorce can take time. However, patience is the key to overcoming almost every one of them. As time goes by, you’ll get better at splitting up your holidays with your ex, and better at long-term planning your custody schedules. You’ll also get more practice at navigating social events together. And hopefully, you’ll be able to let go of
Mar 11, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce can be tricky. You might be feeling incredibly frustrated, resentful, or even hurt. So dealing with your ex is probably the last thing you want to do. However, having two parents that can get along is much healthier for children than being around co-parents who display a lot of conflicts. So although it’s difficult, it’s important to put aside your anger for the sake of your children’s happiness. It’s helpful to focus on your mental well-being during this time. Learn to communicate directly and efficiently with your ex, and don’t send messages through your children. And finally, it’s best to keep all of your frustrations and conflict away from your kids all together. Seeing parents fighting can increase their anxiety. Although it’s difficult, hopefully, you and your ex can come to some sort of peaceful co-parenting solution for the sake of your children.
Co-Parenting After a Contentious Divorce: Moving On
Remember the Big Picture
When co-parenting after a contentious divorce, it’s important to remember the big picture. Yes, you might have a lot of resentment and anger toward your ex. However, retaliating by creating drama with custody will only end up hurting your children. The best thing that both of you can do for them is to provide peaceful and loving homes. And be supportive of their relationship with their other parent.
Work On Your Happiness
It’s also helpful to work on your happiness when co-parenting after a contentious divorce. The divorce process is finally over, so now is the time to re-focus on your own needs. Putting yourself in a better frame of mind will allow you more patience and grace to deal with your ex when dealing with custody issues.
Communicate Effectively
Healthy communication is the secret to co-parenting after a contentious divorce. It might take some trial and error, but you and your ex need to figure out the best way for you to communicate about childcare. For many, that means either face-to-face or via the telephone, but not over text or email where the tone of voice can be confused. It’s also important to speak directly to your co-parent and not try to convey messages to one another through your kids.
Don’t Involve the Children in Drama
Finally, when it comes to co-parenting after a contentious divorce, or when it comes to divorce in general, keep the drama away from your children. They are too young to understand the ins and outs of marriage and divorce. So unloading frustration on them about their other parent whom they love can hurt their feelings. Don’t let them overhear you getting into conflicts with your ex, and don’t trash talk in front of them.
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce might be a process of trial and error. It can take some time to figure out the best way to work together to figure out childcare. Especially if you and your ex went through a lot of pain and hurt with your divorce. Try to focus on the larger picture of creating a healthy and nurturing environment for your children. Work on improving your own happiness and mental health so that you can focus less on drama with your ex. Learn to communicate effectively and efficiently with your ex. And finally, keep the conflict away from your children. After all, is said and done, you and your ex-spouse still love your children deeply, so providing a healthy co-parenting relationship for them is the most important thing.
