Mar 29, 2025 | Divorce, Family Law
When you’re in a marriage, it can become a large part of your identity. As a result, a divorce can make you question who you really are. Discovering your new post-divorce identity can be tricky. However, there are some ways you can make it easier…
Post-Divorce Identity: Find the New You
Viewing divorce
In order to create your new post-divorce identity, you should first consider how you view the divorce itself. For many people, they see their marriage as a sign of success. Over time, their marriage becomes a very important part of who they are. A divorce is drastically changing what they see as a key part of who they are.
Usually, this will make them feel like they are a failure. They believe that they failed in their role as a spouse, rather than accepting that sometime relationships of all types don’t work out. This also tends to come with a massive sense of loss. If you find yourself feeling this way, then it’s key to make some changes.
Don’t let divorce define you
It’s important that you don’t let your divorce define your post-divorce identity. The end of a marriage doesn’t mean you can’t experience new, great things in the future. Instead, you have to keep in mind that a divorce is just one small hurdle in the grand scheme of life.
You should also remember that while a divorce can be rough, it doesn’t always properly represent the people involved. You and your spouse can be great people who just had a relationship which didn’t work out. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with that, and you don’t have to let it define you!
Looking to the future
Your should focus your post-divorce identity on what you want to do in the future. It’s good to take some time and reflect on what you really enjoy doing. Start small by thinking about stuff like hobbies or interests that you neglected while married. These can serve to be some inspiration for what you’d like to do down the line.
Also, consider the lessons your marriage and divorce have taught you. Taking away those important lessons will help you immensely in the future. That way, you can begin to do some strong self-improvement, and really become the person you want to be.
Feb 2, 2025 | Divorce, drinking
A bad habit can always be difficult to break However, breaking bad habits can often have a wonderful impact on your life, and your relationships. Take, for example, alcoholism and an intimate relationship. In many cases, serious alcohol abuse can cause relationship damage. Therefore, if you’re finding yourself in this situation, you’re likely looking for ways to save your relationship, your health, and manage your drinking. So, we’re going to focus on just that…
Alcoholism and Relationship Damage: Managing your Habit
Acknowledging the issue
The first step you can take towards repairing relationship damage due to alcohol is to acknowledge a problem, and where it starts. If you, and/or your partner, has acknowledged that alcohol is causing an issue in your relationship— it might be time to make a change. Ultimately, you have to decide what alcohol is worth to you. In other words, is your relationship more important to you than having a few drinks on the weekend? If it is, then maybe you should consider doing one of the following things…
Go alcohol-free for a period
Alcohol is bringing harm to the things you hold near and dear. Therefore, going without it for a while might help you prioritize. Not to mention, taking time away from alcohol can help you lose weight, save money, avoid nasty hangovers, and avoid relationship damage. If quitting cold turkey seems daunting to you, cut back bit by bit. Maybe start by going on a date with your significant other, and skipping that glass of wine. Or, do yoga at the end of a day to reduce stress instead of reaching for a cold one. By making this step, you’re showing your partner that you’re serious about making a change.
Have a conversation
No one starts drinking really heavily for no reason at all. Whether you’re stressed, anxious, depressed, angry, or so forth— there’s some reason that you aren’t stopping. So, take some time to talk it out. The person you’re with is supposed to be there for you and to listen when you need a shoulder to lean on, use that. It’s never a good time to talk about things when you’re under the influence. Typically, when drunk, it’s hard to say what you mean, and it’s easy for tempers to flare. So, using this period of time to talk with one another about your needs and wants might be extremely therapeutic.
Find a new hobby, maybe even together
Drinking is a vice, so replace it. Everyone has a method for relieving stress, and yours just so happens to be drinking. Now that you want to replace alcohol, consider finding a hobby for the two of you together. By doing something together, you have something to talk about, bond over, and improve on together. When you’re in a rut, taking action on something together can make a big difference in how you feel. Not to mention, it can help to rebuild a bit of your relationship that was lost…
Oct 13, 2024 | Divorce, Financial Impact of Divorce
When you’re going through a divorce, one of the biggest decisions you’ll find yourself making— is what becomes of the family home? You’ve spent the better part of your marriage, and your adult life, making this house a home, and a safe haven for your family. But, now that your family is going to be looking a little bit different— what is the right choice for this, no longer communal, space? Do you keep it? Does your spouse? Or, do you sell the home and go your separate ways? Every family will make this choice, and do so in a different way…
Family Home: Where Do We Go From Here?
This decision is emotional for all parties involved. After all, you bought the family home, or built it, with a vision of building a family there. Little feet on the hardwood, grandchildren, and growing old. But, now, you’re left to decide where you go from here. Maybe you want the house right now, or your spouse does. Or, maybe neither of you want to take it on by yourself…
Taking on the debts of a home by yourself…
While, in the moment, you might decide that you want this house. After all, you put a lot of love, blood, sweat, and tears into making the family home what it is today. You don’t just want to pass off all that work to the highest bidder. But, before you make the decision, and buy your spouse out, you have to make a few decisions.
Chiefly, you have to decide if you can afford the debts of a home by yourself. Utilities, upkeep, accidentals… There is a lot of financial hardship that goes into owning a home, especially a home built for an entire family.
Do you want to give up other assets, or a nest egg, in exchange for this house?
You might want the family home. If so, you might have to either buy your spouse out of their portion, or give some other large asset over in exchange. Therefore, you have to decide if this specific house is worth giving up something else potentially beneficial. Ultimately, you have to decide what it’s worth to you.
A family home has a lot of memories…
While you might love your home, and the memories you’ve made here— not all of them are good. Furthermore, not all of those memories are going to be fond. You must consider if you really want to spend the years following a divorce in a family home that represents your marriage. Do you want to sleep in the same room, maybe even the same bed, that you spent the best and worst days of your marriage in?
Making the decision to sell the family home can be a difficult one. But, it can make for a cleaner break and a fresh start for the both of you. Consider taking the money you make from it, and buy something better suited to your new lifestyle. We wish you luck in this difficult time, offer our condolences for your divorce, and extend our services if you find that you may need them.
Sep 29, 2024 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.
Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children
Pick the Right Time
Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.
Reassure Them
Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.
Give Them Time to Process
After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.
Check in and Offer Support
Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.
Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.
Sep 1, 2024 | Divorce, Emotional impact of divorce
Staying in touch with in-laws after divorce is a personal decision and one that depends a lot on your relationship. Some couples choose to break all contact between their families. And others decide to continue a relationship with their ex-in-laws. It’s ultimately your decision, but one benefit is simply keeping people you care about in your life. Similarly, if you share children with your ex, it can be good for them to stay in touch with their grandparents. If you choose to stay in contact, it’s a good idea to lay out some ground rules and practice etiquette so you don’t strain the relationship. Divorce is difficult for everybody, in-laws included, so it can take some time before you’re ready to decide how much you’ll stay in touch.
Staying in Touch with In-laws After Divorce: Should You?
Personal Decision
Ultimately, staying in touch with in-laws after divorce is an extremely personal decision. If you have been married for many years, your ex’s parents are likely a big part of your life. However, they may or may not take sides in the divorce. Additionally, your ex might have strong feelings about your future relationship with them. All of these factors are important for deciding whether or not staying in touch is the right decision for you.
Positive Benefit: Close Relationship
One possible benefit of staying in touch with in-laws after divorce is if you have a close personal relationship. As long as it doesn’t cause too much drama with your ex, keeping in touch with them can be a great way to extend your relationship. Just because you no longer are related to them doesn’t mean that you can’t stay in one another’s lives if it benefits you both.
Positive Benefit: Grandchildren
Another positive benefit of staying in touch with in-laws after divorce is that it’s great for your children to interact with their grandparents. If you and your ex share children, likely your in-laws will want to stay an essential part of their lives. Plus, spending time with grandparents gives you a chance to get a break now and then.
Ground Rules
If you do decide to stay in touch with your ex-in-laws after divorce, it’s important to lay out some ground rules. Make sure that you discuss boundaries with them up front, and how much interaction you feel is appropriate. Additionally, make sure that you avoid the topic of your ex with them. If they try to pry into your divorce, gently remind them that you don’t want to discuss details. And of course, keep your current love life private unless prompted.
Keeping in touch with in-laws after divorce can be beneficial to everybody involved. You, your in-laws, and even your children. However, it’s important to make sure that the relationship doesn’t harm your mental health. The decision is a personal one and depends a lot on what type of relationship you had with them before the divorce. And whether or not you and your ex share children. In the end, you have to decide what the right level of interaction is with them moving forward. Hopefully, you and they can find a solution that works for you all.
Jul 28, 2024 | Divorce, Family Law
Trash talking your ex after a divorce can be very tempting, but it’s important to resist the urge. You’re getting divorced, so nobody expects you to like your ex at the moment. However, airing your dirty laundry can have a lot of unintended consequences. If you’re talking badly about your ex in front of your kids it can hurt them emotionally. In addition, your family will remember everything you say, even in the heat of the moment. What you say can come back to bite you eventually. Trash talking to friends can also pull them in different directions and make it harder for them to maintain mutual friendships with your ex. And finally, talking badly online can end up hurting your divorce settlement and even your custody situation. It’s best to retrain from trash-talking altogether.
The Dangers of Trash Talking Your Ex After Divorce: Speak Kindly or Not at All
Trash Talking In Front of Kids
Trash talking your ex in front of your kids can be the most damaging thing you can do after a divorce. Especially if you’re talking about their other parent. They love you both equally. Hearing horrible things from one parent about another can make them question themselves and make them distrust either of you. It can also make them feel guilty for loving their other parent. It’s best to maintain as friendly a relationship as possible when dealing with your ex in front of your children. Divorce is hard enough on children already, don’t add feelings of guilt and mistrust into the equation too.
Trash Talking to Family
Trash talking your ex in front of your family can also be tempting but is dangerous. During a divorce, your feelings will probably fluctuate a lot about your ex. There might be times when you’re feeling nostalgic about them. But your family will remember everything you say about them. They won’t be as forgiving as you might be. Things said in the heat of the moment can come back to haunt you if you’re feeling nostalgic about your ex and want a sympathetic ear.
Trash Talking to Friends
Many times, couples have mutual friendships that they want to maintain even after the divorce. If this is the case for you, trash-talking your ex to your friends can make that difficult for everybody. It can force your friends to feel like they need to choose sides. If your goal is to not split your friends and to keep those relationships, it’s best to keep your divorce private.
Trash Talking Online
Finally, people often forget that trash-talking your ex online can have very big consequences. Attorneys look at your social media accounts. Even if your Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter has privacy settings, there’s no way to prevent people from sharing the info that you’ve put online publicly. If word gets back to your ex or their attorney, it could hurt your settlement by making them more antagonistic. In addition, if you’re fighting for custody it can negatively affect you. One aspect of custody agreements that are often looked at is whether or not you can maintain a cordial relationship with your co-parenting ex. If you’ve put them on blast online, it could hurt your case.
Trash talking your ex is just never a good idea. It might feel good at the moment, but it can have very negative consequences. Trash talking in front of your children is especially harmful and can hurt their feelings. Your family will probably be on your side and will remember everything you say, so if you ever change your mind about your ex or want some sympathy, they’ll be less likely to help you. Trash talking to your mutual friends can put them in an awkward spot too. And finally, trash-talking online can hurt your settlement or custody battle as well. Although it might seem tempting, trash-talking is just never a good idea. It can only serve to hurt people, so it’s best to resist it altogether.
