Jul 8, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
A divorce is a very uncertain time in anyone’s life. Where do you go from here? What’s a good way to start over? Post-divorce worries are not uncommon. But, with the right support and one first step in the right direction you will begin making progress. I can guarantee it. We’ve compiled some of the most common worries that people have after divorce and given you a way or two to combat them. You have to start facing them sometime… right?
Post-Divorce Worries: Rise Above
Moving/new job
Needing to both move and find a new job tend to be some post-divorce worries which go hand-in-hand. If you need to move, then odds are you may also need to find a new job. But, if you need to find new work, that could also require a move. These are both big changes and they can leave you feeling quite concerned.
Therefore, it’s important to try and think about the positives. You’ll have full control over your new home and how you decide to set it up. Plus, a new job can open up new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before. It may take some time for it all to come into place, but you can see great results if you keep calm and find a mix which works for you.
Relationship with the kids
Another type of post-divorce worries are those about your connection with your kids. A lot of parents feel that a divorce is going to ruin their bond with their kids. They tend to be afraid that maybe their kids will resent and hate them for thinking they split their family up.
The thing is, it’s possible that those early days/months can be a bit rough for the kids to adjust to. However, that’s why it’s also key that you show them the love and support that they need. Even if they come off as a bit distant, seeing you still care for them will mean a lot. Eventually, they’ll understand what has happened and why, and with your help, adjust to this somewhat different lifestyle.
Dating
Many post-divorce worries relate to trying to go out and date again. Some people worry that they’re too “out of practice” and won’t know how to date again. Others think that their divorce makes it so no one will want to date them ever again. As a result, they wonder if they need to accept that they won’t find a new partner ever again.
Of course, going into dating with such a negative mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, you should keep positive and wait until you feel ready to date again. It might take some getting used to, but that’s okay! By sticking with it and getting more comfortable, you’ll be able to find someone you truly get along great with.
Jul 1, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
After you’ve decided to get a divorce, the next hardest step might be trying to figure out how to tell people about your divorce. While your divorce is technically your business, eventually people will start to catch on and be curious. So, you might want to get a jump on things and let your loved ones know what’s coming down the pipe. Divorce announcements are an option that many divorcees might explore, especially the more lighthearted ones. But, how do you approach it? And what do you say to the people around you to show that you’re okay?
Divorce Announcements: Spreading the Word
Know What You Want to Say
The first and most apparent thing to think about when making divorce announcements is what to say. This will help avoid the pressure and stress that can come with creating one on-the-spot. Keeping it simple might seem like a suitable option, but it helps to not have it be too simple. Only saying “so-and-so and I are getting a divorce” leaves a lot of room for questions that you might not want to answer, especially to strangers. However, including something like “I appreciate the support but don’t wish to talk about it further right now”can help prevent this. Now, people will know what is going on and that you don’t want to talk about it, letting you open up when you feel comfortable to do so.
How To Tell People
Knowing what to say is one part of divorce announcements. Howyou tell people is another part to consider. In today’s age, you have more ways to share the news than ever before. For example, social media allows for you to spread the message to your followers (most of who will be your friends and family) with just one post. This is especially helpful if you worry about how many people you’ll have to tell. However, face-to-face is usually the preferred method. It’s the hardest, but it’s much more “personal” than a mass message, especially for close friends and family.
Who Should You Tell ?
Finally, the last thing to consider for divorce announcements is who to tell. If you’ve just started your divorce, you might want to only tell those very close to you. This is totally normal! Dealing with other people’s opinions along with your divorce can be too much to handle. As your divorce goes on, you can start to tell more people if you begin to feel more comfortable. However, if you are a more private person, there’s nothing wrong with only telling your closest friends and family.
In the end, you get to choose how you talk about your divorce. You get to control what you say, how you say it, and who you tell it too when it comes to your divorce. Using the strategies outlined here can help make that tough process all the more doable.
Jun 24, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.
How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk
Planning For It
The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce.
Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.
Things to Say
Children often find divorce hard to understand. In order to help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is something that is possible.
Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.
Listen
In order to help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kid’s concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings.
Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.
Apr 29, 2023 | Divorce
The term “amicable divorce” does not mean that a couple remains friends during or after the divorce process. In South Carolina, it simply means that a divorce is uncontested. A contested divorce is a split where couples are not able to come to an agreement on the terms of their divorce. An uncontested divorce means that a couple can agree on almost all items of their separation. While it can take less time and be less stressful, you will still benefit from hiring a divorce attorney. They can help you navigate this complicated process, and end up saving you money and time. If you are interested in pursuing an amicable divorce, it’s important to remember that compromise and focusing on the bigger picture are very important. Hopefully, you and your spouse can navigate this process quickly and painlessly.
Amicable Divorce: What Does it Mean and How to Make the Process Less Stressful
Uncontested Divorce
While many people use the term amicable divorce to simply mean a friendly divorce, it means an uncontested divorce in many areas. If you and your spouse are not able to come to terms with major aspects of your divorce settlement, you will likely have to go to court and have a judge rule on specific items. In contrast, if you file for an uncontested divorce, it means that you agree on all major aspects of your settlement.
Requirements for Uncontested Divorce
There are several requirements for an amicable divorce that vary based on where you live. In many states, you must live separately for at least one year before filing for divorce. In South Carolina, you also must be a resident of the state for at least the last several months. Additionally, you must agree to all major terms of your settlement. This includes things like child support, child custody, division of assets, and support payments like alimony.
Do You Still Need an Attorney?
Even though an uncontested divorce is a much simpler process than a highly contested divorce, you still will need to hire an attorney. An experienced attorney can help you navigate the complicated legal process and can help ensure that all paperwork is filed properly. Additionally, even though you might be seeking an amicable divorce, they can help smooth the process out. Since you are settling many items outside of court, they can also save you money.
Compromise is Key
If you are wanting to pursue an amicable divorce, it’s important to remember that compromise is the key to success. Emotions can run very high when discussing things like child custody and splitting up your assets. However, focusing on the items that you care the most about, and letting the rest go can be helpful. Additionally, trying not to get lost in petty details can also help you keep your focus. The bigger picture is the goal of saving money by making your divorce process as quick and smooth as possible.
An amicable divorce, or uncontested divorce, is typically a smoother process than a divorce that needs to have every item go before a judge. And while you and your ex might be able to collaboratively work together to make the divorce process easier, it doesn’t mean that you will walk away on friendly terms. Instead, it simply means that you are prioritizing getting the process done quickly by compromising on many items. You’ll need to agree on all major terms of your settlement, which can be difficult. Hiring an experienced attorney can be of great assistance. Additionally, keeping your eyes on the prize of having a relatively painless divorce can be very helpful. Hopefully, you’ll be able to agree on major items and move forward with an amicable divorce.
Apr 16, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Being a stepparent can be both rewarding and tricky. As a new stepparent, you are going to want to create a bond with your new stepchildren. Do not be surprised if it takes a new stepchild a while to warm up to you. At the same time, do not let this slow warming-up period think it will never get better. Keep working at it, and things will turn around. It will just take some time and some patience as they adjust to this changing dynamic.
How-to Bond with Stepchildren: Relationship Building
Spend Quality Time Together
As with any relationship, you have to spend time together to form a bond with stepchildren. Plan to do fun, special things with your stepchildren. Start by asking them what types of activities they like to do. By doing something that they already enjoy, they may have a more positive experience. Make sure you are spending good, quality time with them and that you are actually engaging. For example, sitting in the corner, distracted, on the phone will not show the kids that you want to interact with them. If you try to make these fun activities a routine, your stepchildren will start looking forward to spending time with you.
Understand Their Frustrations
Do your best to be patient with your stepchildren and understand their frustrations. For instance, you should listen to them, and hear what they have to say. Just as it took time for you to adjust to a new relationship, it will take the kid’s time as well. Also, keep in mind that you were able to choose your new partner. Remember that they did not have as much say in the situation. They will likely express their frustration at that at some points as you build your bond with stepchildren.
Get Involved in Their Life
Do things that show your stepchildren that you care about them. Go to their game, play, recital, or another event they are involved in. For instance, ask them questions, and make sure to seem genuinely interested. Try and learn about the things that they participate in. Show interest in them and what they care about. Do your best to be supportive of them as well. One tip would be to offer to drive them to their practice or activity. This would show you care about something they are a part of and also will give you some good one-on-one time with them.
Treat Them Like Your Own Kids
If you make your stepchildren feel like they’re just an extra thing you have to carry around, they will start to resent you. Keep in mind that these kids have just gone through some big changes, and likely just had some sad experiences. For example, try introducing them as your kids, instead of step kids, so that they feel included. You definitely do not want them to feel like they are not really part of the family. Additionally, that includes not showing favoritism towards any biological kids you may have. The best way to do this is by treating them as if they were your own kids.
At the same time, do not try to replace their actual parents. Your role is not to replace their mom or dad, but to be a stepparent. Your role is special and does not have to compete with their biological parents. Also, be candid with your stepchildren and tell them that this is all new for you too.
Although it may feel like it is taking a while, do not give up. Just make sure you are showing interest in your stepchildren and their lives, being patient and understanding, and treating them as one of your own. Over time, these steps will help you form a strong bond between yourself and your stepchildren.
Mar 25, 2023 | Divorce, Marriage
Dealing with a narcissistic spouse can be incredibly frustrating and painful because they often lack empathy and understanding. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that can lead to a person having an inflated sense of self, and a lack of empathy for others. It can often lead to selfish behavior and make conflict resolution difficult. If you are married to a person with this type of personality, it’s important to share with them how you’re feeling. It’s also important to set boundaries and stick to them. Finally, take care of your own mental health and know your own limits. Hopefully, you and your significant other can learn to get along more peacefully and you can learn to accept their limitations and work around them.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Spouse: Recognizing NPD and Navigating Conflict
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition. A person with NPD might have an inflated sense of self-worth, or feel that they are superior to everybody else. They might blame others for their problems, have difficulty with healthy conflict resolution, or generally lack empathy for others. While there are many egotistical people in the world, not everybody with a big head is a narcissist. Speaking with a clinician can give you a better idea of whether or not your spouse is displaying behavior that coincides with NPD.
Share Your Feelings
If you are married to a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to share your feelings with them. People with NPD are not always aware of how their actions damage the mental health of those around them. Because they only think about their own feelings, it might not occur to them how you’re feeling. Speak up and share your thoughts, but try to do so in a way that does not point blame or accusations. Otherwise, you probably won’t get very far with your conversation.
Set Boundaries
It’s also important to set boundaries with a narcissistic spouse. People with NPD often display extreme jealousy and controlling behavior. They also do not like being told what to do. However, it’s important to stand up for yourself. For example, you might say “I don’t appreciate it when you make fun of my friends. I won’t engage in conversations like that any longer.” Set boundaries, and stick to them.
Take Care of Yourself
Finally, when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to take care of yourself. Surround yourself with a support network and seek counseling if you are struggling. Additionally, it’s important to know when to draw the line. Some people are able to work around the limitations of being married to somebody with NPD. However, nobody deserves to be in a marriage that makes them unhappy. And if your partner ever crosses a line and becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it’s time to consider divorce.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a tricky mental health condition to navigate. People with narcissistic personalities often struggle with long-term relationships and commitment. They feel superior to others and generally lack empathy, which can make dealing with a narcissistic spouse very aggravating. It’s important to let them know how their behavior affects your mental health. It’s also important to set boundaries with them and then stick to them. But at the same time, you need to know your own limits. You deserve to be happy. Hopefully, you and your spouse can learn to navigate their disorder, but if not, it might be time to consider the kind of future you want.
