Apr 29, 2023 | Divorce
The term “amicable divorce” does not mean that a couple remains friends during or after the divorce process. In South Carolina, it simply means that a divorce is uncontested. A contested divorce is a split where couples are not able to come to an agreement on the terms of their divorce. An uncontested divorce means that a couple can agree on almost all items of their separation. While it can take less time and be less stressful, you will still benefit from hiring a divorce attorney. They can help you navigate this complicated process, and end up saving you money and time. If you are interested in pursuing an amicable divorce, it’s important to remember that compromise and focusing on the bigger picture are very important. Hopefully, you and your spouse can navigate this process quickly and painlessly.
Amicable Divorce: What Does it Mean and How to Make the Process Less Stressful
Uncontested Divorce
While many people use the term amicable divorce to simply mean a friendly divorce, it means an uncontested divorce in many areas. If you and your spouse are not able to come to terms with major aspects of your divorce settlement, you will likely have to go to court and have a judge rule on specific items. In contrast, if you file for an uncontested divorce, it means that you agree on all major aspects of your settlement.
Requirements for Uncontested Divorce
There are several requirements for an amicable divorce that vary based on where you live. In many states, you must live separately for at least one year before filing for divorce. In South Carolina, you also must be a resident of the state for at least the last several months. Additionally, you must agree to all major terms of your settlement. This includes things like child support, child custody, division of assets, and support payments like alimony.
Do You Still Need an Attorney?
Even though an uncontested divorce is a much simpler process than a highly contested divorce, you still will need to hire an attorney. An experienced attorney can help you navigate the complicated legal process and can help ensure that all paperwork is filed properly. Additionally, even though you might be seeking an amicable divorce, they can help smooth the process out. Since you are settling many items outside of court, they can also save you money.
Compromise is Key
If you are wanting to pursue an amicable divorce, it’s important to remember that compromise is the key to success. Emotions can run very high when discussing things like child custody and splitting up your assets. However, focusing on the items that you care the most about, and letting the rest go can be helpful. Additionally, trying not to get lost in petty details can also help you keep your focus. The bigger picture is the goal of saving money by making your divorce process as quick and smooth as possible.
An amicable divorce, or uncontested divorce, is typically a smoother process than a divorce that needs to have every item go before a judge. And while you and your ex might be able to collaboratively work together to make the divorce process easier, it doesn’t mean that you will walk away on friendly terms. Instead, it simply means that you are prioritizing getting the process done quickly by compromising on many items. You’ll need to agree on all major terms of your settlement, which can be difficult. Hiring an experienced attorney can be of great assistance. Additionally, keeping your eyes on the prize of having a relatively painless divorce can be very helpful. Hopefully, you’ll be able to agree on major items and move forward with an amicable divorce.
Apr 16, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Being a stepparent can be both rewarding and tricky. As a new stepparent, you are going to want to create a bond with your new stepchildren. Do not be surprised if it takes a new stepchild a while to warm up to you. At the same time, do not let this slow warming-up period think it will never get better. Keep working at it, and things will turn around. It will just take some time and some patience as they adjust to this changing dynamic.
How-to Bond with Stepchildren: Relationship Building
Spend Quality Time Together
As with any relationship, you have to spend time together to form a bond with stepchildren. Plan to do fun, special things with your stepchildren. Start by asking them what types of activities they like to do. By doing something that they already enjoy, they may have a more positive experience. Make sure you are spending good, quality time with them and that you are actually engaging. For example, sitting in the corner, distracted, on the phone will not show the kids that you want to interact with them. If you try to make these fun activities a routine, your stepchildren will start looking forward to spending time with you.
Understand Their Frustrations
Do your best to be patient with your stepchildren and understand their frustrations. For instance, you should listen to them, and hear what they have to say. Just as it took time for you to adjust to a new relationship, it will take the kid’s time as well. Also, keep in mind that you were able to choose your new partner. Remember that they did not have as much say in the situation. They will likely express their frustration at that at some points as you build your bond with stepchildren.
Get Involved in Their Life
Do things that show your stepchildren that you care about them. Go to their game, play, recital, or another event they are involved in. For instance, ask them questions, and make sure to seem genuinely interested. Try and learn about the things that they participate in. Show interest in them and what they care about. Do your best to be supportive of them as well. One tip would be to offer to drive them to their practice or activity. This would show you care about something they are a part of and also will give you some good one-on-one time with them.
Treat Them Like Your Own Kids
If you make your stepchildren feel like they’re just an extra thing you have to carry around, they will start to resent you. Keep in mind that these kids have just gone through some big changes, and likely just had some sad experiences. For example, try introducing them as your kids, instead of step kids, so that they feel included. You definitely do not want them to feel like they are not really part of the family. Additionally, that includes not showing favoritism towards any biological kids you may have. The best way to do this is by treating them as if they were your own kids.
At the same time, do not try to replace their actual parents. Your role is not to replace their mom or dad, but to be a stepparent. Your role is special and does not have to compete with their biological parents. Also, be candid with your stepchildren and tell them that this is all new for you too.
Although it may feel like it is taking a while, do not give up. Just make sure you are showing interest in your stepchildren and their lives, being patient and understanding, and treating them as one of your own. Over time, these steps will help you form a strong bond between yourself and your stepchildren.
Mar 25, 2023 | Divorce, Marriage
Dealing with a narcissistic spouse can be incredibly frustrating and painful because they often lack empathy and understanding. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that can lead to a person having an inflated sense of self, and a lack of empathy for others. It can often lead to selfish behavior and make conflict resolution difficult. If you are married to a person with this type of personality, it’s important to share with them how you’re feeling. It’s also important to set boundaries and stick to them. Finally, take care of your own mental health and know your own limits. Hopefully, you and your significant other can learn to get along more peacefully and you can learn to accept their limitations and work around them.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Spouse: Recognizing NPD and Navigating Conflict
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition. A person with NPD might have an inflated sense of self-worth, or feel that they are superior to everybody else. They might blame others for their problems, have difficulty with healthy conflict resolution, or generally lack empathy for others. While there are many egotistical people in the world, not everybody with a big head is a narcissist. Speaking with a clinician can give you a better idea of whether or not your spouse is displaying behavior that coincides with NPD.
Share Your Feelings
If you are married to a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to share your feelings with them. People with NPD are not always aware of how their actions damage the mental health of those around them. Because they only think about their own feelings, it might not occur to them how you’re feeling. Speak up and share your thoughts, but try to do so in a way that does not point blame or accusations. Otherwise, you probably won’t get very far with your conversation.
Set Boundaries
It’s also important to set boundaries with a narcissistic spouse. People with NPD often display extreme jealousy and controlling behavior. They also do not like being told what to do. However, it’s important to stand up for yourself. For example, you might say “I don’t appreciate it when you make fun of my friends. I won’t engage in conversations like that any longer.” Set boundaries, and stick to them.
Take Care of Yourself
Finally, when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to take care of yourself. Surround yourself with a support network and seek counseling if you are struggling. Additionally, it’s important to know when to draw the line. Some people are able to work around the limitations of being married to somebody with NPD. However, nobody deserves to be in a marriage that makes them unhappy. And if your partner ever crosses a line and becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it’s time to consider divorce.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a tricky mental health condition to navigate. People with narcissistic personalities often struggle with long-term relationships and commitment. They feel superior to others and generally lack empathy, which can make dealing with a narcissistic spouse very aggravating. It’s important to let them know how their behavior affects your mental health. It’s also important to set boundaries with them and then stick to them. But at the same time, you need to know your own limits. You deserve to be happy. Hopefully, you and your spouse can learn to navigate their disorder, but if not, it might be time to consider the kind of future you want.
Mar 19, 2023 | Divorce, Financial Impact of Divorce
Living on a single income after divorce can be a bit of a financial shock. Going from one income to two plus the added cost of the divorce process can leave you feeling overwhelmed. It’s a good idea to re-examine your budget and set spending limits for yourself. In addition, explore assistance programs, or talk to your tax advisor about potential benefits. You can explore work-from-home options for a second job, like tutoring or freelance writing. And finally, it’s a good time to refresh yourself on the basics of healthy spending habits. While it can be a bit of an adjustment to begin living on a single income, hopefully, you will get used to things quickly and be able to save some money.
Living on a Single Income After Divorce: Making Ends Meet
Re-Examine Budget
If you are living on a single income after divorce, it’s a good idea to re-examine your budget. Look at your monthly income and debts. Things might be slightly different now thanks to divorce expenses as well as things like alimony and child support. Create a sensible budget so that you know where every dollar that you make is going. Don’t forget to try to save for an emergency fund in case you hit on hard times in the future.
Explore Assistance Programs and Tax Options
There are government assistance programs and tax breaks for parents living on a single income after divorce. You might be able to get a grant, apply for food stamps, or explore other financial options. Speaking with a professional can be helpful in this situation because navigating these types of programs can be very difficult. Consider speaking with an accountant, CPA, or financial planner about your options.
Explore Work-From-Home Options
If you are needing to come up with some extra money to afford living on a single income after divorce, you can explore work-from-home options. While you might not find a lucrative career, finding a way to make a few extra dollars each month can be helpful. For example, driving for one of the delivery services, tutoring or online teaching, and freelance writing.
Develop Healthy Spending Habits
Finally, when living on a single income after divorce, it’s important to refresh yourself on the basics of healthy spending habits. For example, always pay off credit cards on time and make on-time payments for things like rent and utilities. This will protect your credit score. In addition, cut back on frivolous spendings like shopping or restaurants. Try to save a percentage of every paycheck and don’t forget to build up emergency savings.
Hopefully, you can adjust quickly to living on a single income after divorce. The divorce process can be lengthy but it can also be very expensive. It can take a while to recover from it financially. Re-examine your budget so that you know exactly how much money is coming in and going out each month. Additionally, explore government assistance programs and check with your CPA for tax credit possibilities. Explore stay-at-home jobs or positions you can do in your spare time to make some extra money on the side. And finally, go back to the basics of healthy spending by protecting your credit score and cutting out frivolous spending. Hopefully, you’ll be able to get yourself back on track financially so that you can begin saving for the future.
Mar 12, 2023 | Divorce, Emotional impact of divorce
Invisible grief often takes the form of mourning the potential we lost or grieving after a life that we planned for ourselves that now will never happen. And while it’s not as visible as grief over the death of a loved one, it can still be very painful. Many people go through a period of mourning after infidelity because they are grieving the loss of trust in their marriage. When couples choose to divorce, they often mourn over losing the future they envisioned for themselves. You can also grieve changes in circumstances like a move to a new city, or struggling to conceive. And finally, you might experience a grieving period if you suffer a financial loss as well. Finding a healthy outlet like journaling or speaking to a therapist can often help you tackle this grief and move forward to a healthier frame of mind.
Dealing with Invisible Grief: Mourning the Loss of the Life You Imagined
Grief Over Infidelity
If you are the victim of infidelity, you might feel invisible grief over the loss of trust in your marriage. Whether or not you stay together, there will probably be a difference in your relationship from now on. Infidelity can change the dynamic of your marriage, so speaking with a marriage counselor can be very beneficial. If you choose to stay with your spouse after an affair, give yourself plenty of time to process your feelings.
Grief Over Divorce
While it seems obvious that divorce is an incredibly sad event, the invisible grief from divorce often comes from the lost future. When you marry a person, you envision what your future will look like together. Maybe you pictured retirement or grandchildren. A divorce changes that forever, and it’s okay to be sad about that. Not only are you losing relationships with your spouse and in-laws, but you’re losing a version of the future that you wanted. Make sure that you take time to process fully before dating again.
Grief Over Change in Circumstance
Invisible grief can also hit if you experience a change in circumstances. A big life change can stir up a lot of emotions. For example, if you have to relocate, you might grieve the loss of friends and neighbors. If you are having trouble conceiving a child, you might grieve the future you envisioned as a parent. There are a million changes that can happen that can upset the vision you had of your future, and grieving these is perfectly normal and healthy.
Grief Over Financial Downfall
Finally, if you and your spouse experience a financial setback, it can create invisible grief. Not only are you losing money, but it can also add a lot of new stress to your marriage. Financial change can also affect the future you can have. If you and your partner experience a financial downfall, the best way to handle it is to tackle it together. Don’t play the blame game, but instead, work together to build a budget and slowly begin saving.
Invisible grief can play a significant role in any relationship. Mourning the loss of a future that you planned for yourself is perfectly normal. And there are a lot of factors that can affect those plans. If you experience things like infidelity or divorce, it can vastly change your relationship and your future. Similarly, going through a change in circumstances or a financial setback can also upset your way of life and create a lot of unwanted stress. It’s normal to mourn when things don’t work out the way you wanted. It’s important to find healthy ways to tackle that grief, though. Reach out to a therapist or a close friend to help you process those emotions. Or practice some self-care by journaling or taking time for yourself. But most of all, be patient and give yourself the space and time to experience and process your grief.
Mar 11, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce can be tricky. You might be feeling incredibly frustrated, resentful, or even hurt. So dealing with your ex is probably the last thing you want to do. However, having two parents that can get along is much healthier for children than being around co-parents who display a lot of conflicts. So although it’s difficult, it’s important to put aside your anger for the sake of your children’s happiness. It’s helpful to focus on your mental well-being during this time. Learn to communicate directly and efficiently with your ex, and don’t send messages through your children. And finally, it’s best to keep all of your frustrations and conflict away from your kids all together. Seeing parents fighting can increase their anxiety. Although it’s difficult, hopefully, you and your ex can come to some sort of peaceful co-parenting solution for the sake of your children.
Co-Parenting After a Contentious Divorce: Moving On
Remember the Big Picture
When co-parenting after a contentious divorce, it’s important to remember the big picture. Yes, you might have a lot of resentment and anger toward your ex. However, retaliating by creating drama with custody will only end up hurting your children. The best thing that both of you can do for them is to provide peaceful and loving homes. And be supportive of their relationship with their other parent.
Work On Your Happiness
It’s also helpful to work on your happiness when co-parenting after a contentious divorce. The divorce process is finally over, so now is the time to re-focus on your own needs. Putting yourself in a better frame of mind will allow you more patience and grace to deal with your ex when dealing with custody issues.
Communicate Effectively
Healthy communication is the secret to co-parenting after a contentious divorce. It might take some trial and error, but you and your ex need to figure out the best way for you to communicate about childcare. For many, that means either face-to-face or via the telephone, but not over text or email where the tone of voice can be confused. It’s also important to speak directly to your co-parent and not try to convey messages to one another through your kids.
Don’t Involve the Children in Drama
Finally, when it comes to co-parenting after a contentious divorce, or when it comes to divorce in general, keep the drama away from your children. They are too young to understand the ins and outs of marriage and divorce. So unloading frustration on them about their other parent whom they love can hurt their feelings. Don’t let them overhear you getting into conflicts with your ex, and don’t trash talk in front of them.
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce might be a process of trial and error. It can take some time to figure out the best way to work together to figure out childcare. Especially if you and your ex went through a lot of pain and hurt with your divorce. Try to focus on the larger picture of creating a healthy and nurturing environment for your children. Work on improving your own happiness and mental health so that you can focus less on drama with your ex. Learn to communicate effectively and efficiently with your ex. And finally, keep the conflict away from your children. After all, is said and done, you and your ex-spouse still love your children deeply, so providing a healthy co-parenting relationship for them is the most important thing.
