Oct 6, 2025 | Co-parenting
There are many co-parenting hurdles that you might be facing if you are recently divorced. Everybody going through a divorce likes to think that they’ll be able to peacefully co-parent after it’s finalized. However, the reality is that divorce can complicate things. It can build up a lot of tension between exes which can make co-parenting more difficult to navigate. Plus, the reality of sharing custody can be a little more difficult than you might expect. Missing holidays with your children can be hard, and long-term planning your schedules is an adjustment too. Mutual events might be awkward at first, and letting go of old wounds can be a process. Luckily, all of these hurdles tend to get much easier to face over time and as you get more used to co-parenting. Hopefully, before long, you’ll be able to get along well enough to make mutually parenting your children productive and healthy.
Common Co-Parenting Hurdles You Might Face After Divorce
Missing Holidays
One of the first co-parenting hurdles that you might face is dealing with missing your children over the holidays. Unfortunately, this is just the reality of sharing custody. There will be some holidays that you miss each year, but then you’ll likely swap the next year. To overcome this hurdle, you can celebrate on your own with your children when you do have time with them. Even if it means moving holidays around a little bit. Your children probably won’t mind at all!
Figuring Out Schedule
Another co-parenting hurdle that can be quite difficult to manage is figuring out your custody schedule. Not only will you have to coordinate your and your ex’s schedules, but also your children’s school and extracurricular. The key to overcoming this difficulty is long-term planning. Try to give as much notice as possible to your ex if you need a certain time with the children. And try to be flexible with one another when you need to make changes.
Mutual Events
Mutual social events can be awkward and painful at first. However, as time goes on, hopefully, they will get easier. And the more you can be around one another, the more you can both be in your children’s lives. To navigate your first mutual event, don’t hide or avoid one another. And don’t rehash old divorce drama. Instead, say hello, and then keep things short. Move on and enjoy your time, and don’t overindulge in alcohol. By keeping it casual and non-personal, you can avoid turning the event into a drama fest where all eyes are on you.
Letting Go of Old Hurts
Letting go of old hurts can be one of the hardest co-parenting hurdles to overcome. Divorce is painful, and it dredges up a lot of resentment and anger. However, hopefully, as time goes by, you’ll be able to let go of some of that anger. While you might think that your ex treated you unfairly, or that things in the divorce didn’t go your way, the fact is that it’s over now. Holding onto resentment will just make it more difficult to co-parent. Try to set aside any petty differences, and instead put your children’s needs first.
Learning to navigate the various co-parenting hurdles that almost all exes face after divorce can take time. However, patience is the key to overcoming almost every one of them. As time goes by, you’ll get better at splitting up your holidays with your ex, and better at long-term planning your custody schedules. You’ll also get more practice at navigating social events together. And hopefully, you’ll be able to let go of
Aug 3, 2025 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Birthday parties with shared custody can be a little tricky to navigate. Everybody wants their children’s birthday to be extra special. So when you have to split your time with your kids, it can be hard to know the best way to handle their birthdays. Some people choose to work together to throw a joint birthday party. Others split up the day half and a half so that one parent sees the birthday kid in the morning, and the other gets them at night. A yet others simply throw two different birthdays! A lot depends on the relationship you have with your co-parent, finances, and your locations. But the most important thing is that you and your ex put aside your feelings and tension so that your child can have the most special birthday possible.
Birthday Parties with Shared Custody: Figuring Out Your Schedule
Share the Day
Birthday parties with shared custody can be complicated, so there are lots of ways to handle them. If you and your ex get along reasonably well, you can simply share the day with your kids. Plan a party together and attend the party as a family. If you are prone to getting into dramatic standoffs with your ex, this is not the option for you. But as long as you can get along (at least for a little while) you can spend your special day together with your child.
Split the Day
Other couples handle birthday parties with shared custody by splitting up the day. This works well if you live near each other. One parent keeps the children in the morning, and then the parents switch off in the afternoon. That way, each parent gets a chance to see their child on their actual birthday. You can even swap off at the party with one parent setting up and attending for the first half, and then the other parent switching off and handling cleanup after.
Double Up
Finally, for ex-couples that do not interact very peacefully or for exes that live far apart, some choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody by doubling up. Each parent gets to celebrate the children’s birthdays separately. Each year you can switch out who has the child on the actual day of their birth. This option is often a win-win for children because they get to have two parties!
The Bottom Line
However you choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody, the bottom line is that you and your ex need to set aside your differences for the sake of your children. You might have a lot of bitter feelings, but on this day only, it’s all about your birthday child. Try to get along as peacefully as you can so that your child can have a great day.
There are lots of ways to handle birthday parties with shared custody. A lot depends on the relationship that you have with your ex-spouse, and whether you can get along at all. It also depends on how close you live to one another, and of course, your financial situation. Some parents choose to throw one birthday party together for their kids. Others choose to switch off so that they don’t have to overlap very much. And yet others choose to have entirely separate celebrations with their children. It’s up to you to decide which way fits your family’s situation the best. However, the most important thing to remember is that this day isn’t about you and your ex-spouse, it’s about your child. So remember to put their feelings first and make this day as special as it can be.
Apr 13, 2025 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Summertime can bring the stress of figuring out vacations with split custody if you’ve recently been through a divorce. Split custody can be easy to figure out during the school year, but when summer hits, things can get more complicated. It’s important to set rules and expectations about summer vacation plans in your parenting plan in advance. In addition, make sure and set boundaries about what you’re comfortable with. Be flexible and try to be as accommodating as possible. And finally, stay in communication while your children are traveling. Hopefully, you’ll be able to work out an easy agreement where both you and your ex can enjoy some awesome summer vacation time with your children.
Vacations with Split Custody During the Summer: Enjoy Your Holidays
Lay it Out in Parenting Plan
One way to handle vacations with split custody is to lay them out in your broad parenting plan. When you sit down together to divvy up your custody arrangement, you can specify how many days you each get of vacation. For example, you can have language saying that you each get to take a ten-day vacation with the children each summer. Work it out however it fits best with your family’s needs.
Set Boundaries
Another important thing to do when dealing with vacations with split custody is to set boundaries. Make sure that you and your ex are on the same page as each other about where you each are allowed to take the children. Is it ok to leave the country? Or would you rather both stay within driving distance? In addition, set boundaries regarding who can join on the vacation. Can the kids bring a friend? If you are dating somebody, should they join? It’s best to lay all of this out ahead of time so that there isn’t drama or confusion when the time comes to plan trips.
Be Flexible
One thing that can be very helpful when figuring out vacations with split custody is to be flexible. It might sound difficult, especially if your divorce is contentious. However, the more reasonable you are, the more reasonable your partner will be when it’s you asking for extra vacation time. Remember that the key to good co-parenting is to try and be flexible and work together. Also, stop and consider what is best for your kids. You might not want to give up extra time with them. However, if it means cutting a trip short, it might be in their best interest to give up some of your time.
Stay In Communication
Finally, another thing to do when dealing with vacations with split custody is to stay in touch. While you are traveling and when your ex is traveling, have a policy of constant communication with the other parent. You’ll want to make sure that the children are safe. And that you and your ex are on the same page as far as boundaries go. Staying in constant contact will prevent one parent from being calm about things than the other.
Dealing with vacations with split custody can be stress-inducing. The key to preventing arguments is to lay out everything ahead of time. Your parenting plan should have language about vacations spelled out clearly. In addition, make sure that you’ve set clear-cut boundaries with your plan as well. That way you can prevent last-minute questions from coming up. Try to be flexible and accommodating whenever possible. Remember that if you are, it’s more likely that your ex will be too. And finally, stay in communication while vacationing to make sure that you and your ex are on the same page. Hopefully, you’ll be able to figure out vacation plans without any drama and find a summer schedule that works for everybody.
Nov 12, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Surviving the early parenting years is a feat in itself, but keeping your marriage strong during those years is even harder. This can be a particularly stressful time for any couple. Not only are you dealing with new anxieties and fears, but also huge learning curves. And doing it all while sleep-deprived. It’s enough to push any couple to the edge. So try to give your marriage a little extra TLC during these years by communicating clearly and openly with one another. Share equally in working, parenting, and divvying up the mental load. Accept help when it’s offered, and hire help when you need a break. Finally, find small pockets of time each day to dedicate to one another so that you can maintain some intimacy. Hopefully, you can navigate this tricky period and come out stronger than ever as your children get older.
Surviving the Early Parenting Years with Your Marriage Intact: Making Time for Each Other
Communicate Clearly
Set yourselves up for success in surviving the early parenting years by establishing clear and constant communication. Check-in with one another about your needs as well as any stresses that you’re feeling. Try to work together to come up with creative solutions to one another’s concerns. Don’t let resentment or tension build up in your relationship until one of you explodes anger at the other.
Share Equally
Another thing that can be helpful during the early parenting years is to make sure that you’re both sharing equally in your childcare as well as household responsibilities. Additionally, there is a significant mental load that goes along with parenting. Anything from figuring out when to potty train, to making doctor appointments, to researching the right stroller. A significant portion of this mental load tends to fall on mothers, but it’s time for other caregivers to step up and start taking on tasks like these. This can only happen through clear communication.
Accept or Hire Help
If you get offers of help during the early parenting years, take them! If friends and family ask if you need anything, be honest and give them a task that they can complete. For example, see if they’re willing to drop off a meal, take the dog for a walk, or hold the baby while you shower. Furthermore, now is a great time to hire help if you are financially able to do so. Hire a babysitter for a night out if you don’t have anybody who can watch your children, or hire things like lawn care or laundry service to free up more of your precious time.
Dedicate Time for Yourselves
To help your marriage survive the early parenting years, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to make time for one another. It’s easy to get completely wrapped up in the stress of work and parenting. However, your marriage deserves some attention too. Find small pockets during your day to check in with one another, or hire a sitter to get some alone time. Carve out time and put it on your calendar, and then hold that time sacred for each other.
Getting through the early parenting years can often either strengthen a couple’s marriage or push it to the brink of disaster. Young children are difficult to manage, they constantly need attention, and they can be completely exhausting. They can leave you with very little energy for your spouse. However, learning to share the load of parenting can help you navigate this difficult time a little easier. And that starts with clear and open communication. Try to divvy up your household tasks as well as all of the unseen tasks of parenting. Speaking to a therapist can be helpful when trying to improve your communication skills. Furthermore, accept offers of help, or hire help if you can. Finally, set time aside for one another and hold that time sacred. Hopefully, by putting in the effort now, you and your spouse will have an incredibly strong marriage that can withstand any challenges that come your way.
Sep 29, 2024 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.
Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children
Pick the Right Time
Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.
Reassure Them
Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.
Give Them Time to Process
After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.
Check in and Offer Support
Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.
Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.
Aug 18, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Writing a parenting plan is very important when figuring out how your joint custody situation will work. It’s important to include things like your basic schedule. In addition, make sure to include things like holidays and vacations. Times when the schedule will be interrupted. You’ll also lay out a plan for expenses and how to pay for childcare. And finally, include how you’ll make big decisions. Consider things like what religion your children will be brought up in, curfew, diet, healthcare, school decisions, etc. You’ll need a plan in place so that you and your partner are on the same page with all major parenting decisions. Having a parenting plan in place will make your divorce much smoother and will help your children adjust to their new lives.
Writing a Parenting Plan: What to Include in Your Discussions
Schedule
One thing that’s important to include when writing a parenting plan is a basic schedule. This should involve how many days each parent has the children in a row, and what the schedule looks like. Include things like when and where you’ll transfer kids from one parent to another. Oftentimes, families use school as a way of transferring kids. For example, one parent drops them off and another picks them up. Remember that your plan can change as your children age.
Holidays and Vacations
In addition to the regular custody schedule, you should consider holidays and vacations when writing a parenting plan. These are times when the normal schedule might get interrupted. Decide how you’ll handle major holidays. Some parents choose to split them up throughout the year or switch years when each parent has the kids. Remember that when you go on vacation, you might need extra days. Don’t forget holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day where you will most likely want to spend time with your children.
Expenses
Next, when writing a parenting plan, make sure to include a financial plan. You and your ex should decide on how you’ll be paying for childcare expenses. Include things like daycare, school supplies, and saving for college. You should include how you’ll handle any unexpected expenses that come up. For example, large medical bills. Try to factor in everyday expenses as well as larger expenses. Even though you don’t have to buy new sizes of clothes every day, the cost can still add up once or twice a year.
Important Decisions
Finally, one last thing to include when writing a parenting plan is how you’ll handle big decisions. You may want to go ahead and lay some ground rules as far as what your children’s futures will look like. Consider things like what religion you want to raise them in. What schools would you like them to attend? How will you each discipline and set boundaries for them? Don’t forget about things like curfew, diet, activities, and hobbies, and seeing friends and family.
Writing a parenting plan is important for figuring out how your life will look post-divorce. Make sure and include a basic schedule for custody as well as specifics for holidays and vacations. Include a financial plan for how you and your ex will pay for child-related expenses moving forward. And don’t forget about establishing ground rules for important decisions in the future. Creating a comprehensive parenting plan will help you in the future if any issues come up. It can also make the transition easier for your children when they go from living in one household with both parents to a split custody situation.
