Nov 12, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Surviving the early parenting years is a feat in itself, but keeping your marriage strong during those years is even harder. This can be a particularly stressful time for any couple. Not only are you dealing with new anxieties and fears, but also huge learning curves. And doing it all while sleep-deprived. It’s enough to push any couple to the edge. So try to give your marriage a little extra TLC during these years by communicating clearly and openly with one another. Share equally in working, parenting, and divvying up the mental load. Accept help when it’s offered, and hire help when you need a break. Finally, find small pockets of time each day to dedicate to one another so that you can maintain some intimacy. Hopefully, you can navigate this tricky period and come out stronger than ever as your children get older.
Surviving the Early Parenting Years with Your Marriage Intact: Making Time for Each Other
Communicate Clearly
Set yourselves up for success in surviving the early parenting years by establishing clear and constant communication. Check-in with one another about your needs as well as any stresses that you’re feeling. Try to work together to come up with creative solutions to one another’s concerns. Don’t let resentment or tension build up in your relationship until one of you explodes anger at the other.
Share Equally
Another thing that can be helpful during the early parenting years is to make sure that you’re both sharing equally in your childcare as well as household responsibilities. Additionally, there is a significant mental load that goes along with parenting. Anything from figuring out when to potty train, to making doctor appointments, to researching the right stroller. A significant portion of this mental load tends to fall on mothers, but it’s time for other caregivers to step up and start taking on tasks like these. This can only happen through clear communication.
Accept or Hire Help
If you get offers of help during the early parenting years, take them! If friends and family ask if you need anything, be honest and give them a task that they can complete. For example, see if they’re willing to drop off a meal, take the dog for a walk, or hold the baby while you shower. Furthermore, now is a great time to hire help if you are financially able to do so. Hire a babysitter for a night out if you don’t have anybody who can watch your children, or hire things like lawn care or laundry service to free up more of your precious time.
Dedicate Time for Yourselves
To help your marriage survive the early parenting years, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to make time for one another. It’s easy to get completely wrapped up in the stress of work and parenting. However, your marriage deserves some attention too. Find small pockets during your day to check in with one another, or hire a sitter to get some alone time. Carve out time and put it on your calendar, and then hold that time sacred for each other.
Getting through the early parenting years can often either strengthen a couple’s marriage or push it to the brink of disaster. Young children are difficult to manage, they constantly need attention, and they can be completely exhausting. They can leave you with very little energy for your spouse. However, learning to share the load of parenting can help you navigate this difficult time a little easier. And that starts with clear and open communication. Try to divvy up your household tasks as well as all of the unseen tasks of parenting. Speaking to a therapist can be helpful when trying to improve your communication skills. Furthermore, accept offers of help, or hire help if you can. Finally, set time aside for one another and hold that time sacred. Hopefully, by putting in the effort now, you and your spouse will have an incredibly strong marriage that can withstand any challenges that come your way.
Sep 29, 2024 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Having the divorce talk with your children can be so daunting to think about. Their lives are certainly going to change. However, there is a reason for your divorce. You and your ex will be happier in the long run. And it will be best for your children to be raised by separated but happy parents rather than parents who are miserable because they stayed together. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation. Reassure them the whole time. Give them plenty of time to process what you’ve told them. And afterward, check-in and offer support. They will probably be upset but reassure them that they will get used to their new life in no time.
Having the Divorce Talk with Your Children
Pick the Right Time
Before having the divorce talk with your children, decide on an appropriate time and place. It’s really best to do this at home or someplace private. You don’t want to be overheard in a public place and your children might feel uncomfortable getting upset in public. Make sure that you have plenty of time to talk things over. You don’t interrupt or need to leave for work right afterward. It’s really best if you and your partner can have a conversation with your children together.
Reassure Them
Keep things simple but clear when having the divorce talk with your children. Let them know that you both still respect each other but that your marriage won’t work and you’ve decided you’d be happier living separately. Reassure them that they did not play any part in the divorce. Children will often blame themselves, so continue to repeat this. Also, reassure them that they will quickly adjust to having separated parents. And of course, continually remind them of how much you both love them.
Give Them Time to Process
After having the divorce talk with your children, give them time to process. Some children might have a hundred questions to ask. Or they might react angrily. Some children get very quiet and closed off. Let them process in their own way and give them time to do so. Don’t try to force them to talk about how they feel about it. They will probably come to you at some point to talk things over. If they react angrily, don’t get defensive. Children don’t need to know every detail that leads to your divorce. They simply need to know that you both still love and support them.
Check in and Offer Support
Finally, after having the divorce talk with your children, check-in and offer support. They may feel uncomfortable talking to you or your ex about their feelings. If this is the case, you can offer to set them up with a counselor or therapist to talk to. Offer constant support whenever they come to you. Remember to keep reminding them that it is not their fault and that you love them. In fact, it’s a good idea to keep offering support for a long time after you’ve split up.
Having the divorce talk with your children isn’t easy. But if the divorce will be better for them in the long run, then you need to have a conversation with them about everything. Wait until you have plenty of uninterrupted time and privacy to tell them about your split. Reassure them constantly and for a long time afterward that they are not at fault and that you love them. Give them time and space to process everything you’ve said. And check in with them afterward and offer them support whenever they need it. It will be a painful conversation. But hopefully, you will all move on quickly and get into a new routine that works for your family.
Aug 18, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Writing a parenting plan is very important when figuring out how your joint custody situation will work. It’s important to include things like your basic schedule. In addition, make sure to include things like holidays and vacations. Times when the schedule will be interrupted. You’ll also lay out a plan for expenses and how to pay for childcare. And finally, include how you’ll make big decisions. Consider things like what religion your children will be brought up in, curfew, diet, healthcare, school decisions, etc. You’ll need a plan in place so that you and your partner are on the same page with all major parenting decisions. Having a parenting plan in place will make your divorce much smoother and will help your children adjust to their new lives.
Writing a Parenting Plan: What to Include in Your Discussions
Schedule
One thing that’s important to include when writing a parenting plan is a basic schedule. This should involve how many days each parent has the children in a row, and what the schedule looks like. Include things like when and where you’ll transfer kids from one parent to another. Oftentimes, families use school as a way of transferring kids. For example, one parent drops them off and another picks them up. Remember that your plan can change as your children age.
Holidays and Vacations
In addition to the regular custody schedule, you should consider holidays and vacations when writing a parenting plan. These are times when the normal schedule might get interrupted. Decide how you’ll handle major holidays. Some parents choose to split them up throughout the year or switch years when each parent has the kids. Remember that when you go on vacation, you might need extra days. Don’t forget holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day where you will most likely want to spend time with your children.
Expenses
Next, when writing a parenting plan, make sure to include a financial plan. You and your ex should decide on how you’ll be paying for childcare expenses. Include things like daycare, school supplies, and saving for college. You should include how you’ll handle any unexpected expenses that come up. For example, large medical bills. Try to factor in everyday expenses as well as larger expenses. Even though you don’t have to buy new sizes of clothes every day, the cost can still add up once or twice a year.
Important Decisions
Finally, one last thing to include when writing a parenting plan is how you’ll handle big decisions. You may want to go ahead and lay some ground rules as far as what your children’s futures will look like. Consider things like what religion you want to raise them in. What schools would you like them to attend? How will you each discipline and set boundaries for them? Don’t forget about things like curfew, diet, activities, and hobbies, and seeing friends and family.
Writing a parenting plan is important for figuring out how your life will look post-divorce. Make sure and include a basic schedule for custody as well as specifics for holidays and vacations. Include a financial plan for how you and your ex will pay for child-related expenses moving forward. And don’t forget about establishing ground rules for important decisions in the future. Creating a comprehensive parenting plan will help you in the future if any issues come up. It can also make the transition easier for your children when they go from living in one household with both parents to a split custody situation.
Jan 4, 2024 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Taking on sole custody after divorce can be a big adjustment. It can seem overwhelming if you’ve been living together and suddenly are the only guardian. However, it’s important to remember that both you and your children will adjust in time to your new schedule. The most important thing is to get support. Hire a sitter or childcare provider so that you can take breaks sometimes. Listen to your children and their needs. Give yourself some slack and remember that things don’t have to be perfect all the time. It’s okay if the schedule gets a little messy for a few weeks or even months. Your children will bounce back quickly. And finally, have a backup plan in cases of emergency so that you are prepared for anything. Sole custody can seem overwhelming at first, but you will adjust soon enough.
How to Take on Sole Custody: A Big Adjustment
Get Support
The first thing to do when taking on sole custody after divorce is to get support. If you’ve been in a situation where there were two parents and now it’s just you, you’ll need some breaks. Plan to enroll your children in daycare or preschool, even if just part-time. If not, you could hire a nanny or babysitter to give you some breaks during the week. If you have any local family members, maybe they could watch the children now and then to give you a break. It’s important to take time for yourself to preserve your mental health. You can’t take care of your children as well if you’re completely exhausted.
Listen to Your Children
Another thing to remember when taking on sole custody after divorce is to listen to your children. Divorce is stressful for kids too. It’s a big upheaval for their lives as well. They may be emotional or have times when they need to talk to you about their feelings. Be a good listener to them and remember that this adjustment can be hard for them as well. It’s never good to bash your ex in front of your kids. Instead, continually remind them that they are well-loved and that their schedules will seem normal to them soon.
Give Yourself Some Slack
Taking on sole custody after divorce can get overwhelming, and parents can get bogged down easily. Don’t sweat the small stuff for a little while. The adjustment period is not the time to worry about whether your children are getting exactly the right nutrients or going down for naps at the same minute every day. Let them have a little extra screen time. Order takeout if you’re feeling exhausted. Try to remember that kids bounce back quickly from changes to their schedules. It’s ok to let things slide for a few weeks while you adjust to your new schedules.
Make Back-Up Plans
Finally, when taking on sole custody after divorce, make backup plans. You never know when you will get knocked down with a stomach bug or have some emergency come up at work. It’s good to have a solid list of caregivers you can call on if you need help spur of the moment. In addition, while it’s not fun to think about, it’s important to make legal plans as well. Update your will to reflect what will happen with your children if you were to become incapacitated or in an emergency. It’s important to have backup plans in case unpredictable things come up.
Winning sole custody after divorce can be a huge win. However, it does come with its stresses. Suddenly you are the sole caregiver to your children. Enlist some support from helpful friends and family or a babysitting service. Listen to your children to make sure that you are taking care of their emotional needs as well as physical needs. Don’t stress about everything on the schedule being perfect, just get through the adjustment period. And finally, make backup plans in cases of emergency. Sole custody can seem overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that it will seem normal to you in a short time. You and your children will adjust quickly to your new schedules.
Dec 28, 2023 | Adoption, Co-parenting
Choosing a legal guardian for your children can be a difficult decision, but it’s an important one. If you are making a will, you’ll need to designate a guardian for your kids. This is the person who will raise them if you and your spouse die. There are many things to consider when picking a guardian. You want to make sure that they have a similar lifestyle to you and will raise your children with the values that you’d like. In addition, you might consider whether they already have children. Also, take into account their financial situation and whether they can afford another child. And finally, don’t forget about their location and potentially moving your child. Knowing that you’ve chosen a legal guardian for your children can put your mind at ease.
Choosing a Legal Guardian for Your Children: How to Decide
Lifestyle
One thing to consider when choosing a legal guardian for your children is a lifestyle. While they don’t need to live exactly the way you do, your children must have some continuity. If you and your spouse intend to raise your kids in a specific religion, that’s also something to consider. All in all, the goal is to make the transition as smooth as possible for your children. And also to make sure you’ve designated somebody that will raise them the way you want them to be raised.
Other Children
Another thing to consider when choosing a legal guardian is whether or not they already have other children. If they don’t, it shouldn’t necessarily be a deal-breaker. But it helps to know that they have some experience with handling kids. In addition, consider that your child will now essentially have siblings that they live with.
Financial Situation
It’s also important to take into account the financial situation of anybody you appoint when choosing a legal guardian. You will likely leave your children some inheritance. If your children are minors, their guardians might have control over this. Make sure that you appoint somebody that you trust financially and who has the means to raise your child.
Location
Finally, when choosing a legal guardian, consider the location. Your child has grown up in a specific location surrounded by certain friends and family. They might already go to school and have friends there. Consider whether or not you’d want to uproot them and have them move to another city.
When choosing a legal guardian, there can be a lot to take into consideration. It’s important to weigh your options carefully because this is the person who will raise your kids in the event of your death. Make sure that it’s somebody you trust to instill the values that you’d like to raise your children with. In addition, consider if they have experience with kids and how many siblings your child will now be living with. Don’t forget that financial means are important too. And finally, consider where they live and if you are comfortable moving your child to a different city. Hopefully, you’ll be able to choose somebody that you trust wholeheartedly with the most important job in the world.
Aug 14, 2023 | Co-parenting, Marriage
Every couple argues sometimes. And children need to see that parents can sometimes have minor conflicts that they resolve. However, if your fighting has become destructive, it’s important to stop arguing in front of your children. Constant arguing in front of your children can affect them negatively in many different ways. It creates a stressful atmosphere for them which can cause short and long-term issues. In addition, they may feel insecure because of constant arguments. They might develop hostility or anger which can harm their relationships in the future. And finally, your relationship with your children might suffer as well. While it’s normal for couples to argue every now and then, if you feel that the arguing is constant and highly combative, it’s best to make sure you are not being overheard by young ears.
Arguing in Front of Your Children: Negative Effects It Can Have on Your Kids
Stress
Arguing in front of your children can create a very stressful atmosphere for them. The raised voices and emotions feel even more overwhelming to a child’s ears than they do adults. Children usually think that raised voices mean they are in trouble, whether or not they’re directed at them. So if you and your spouse are shouting, even if the child is not remotely involved, they can internalize all that anger as being pointed at them. In addition, they don’t know how to cope with strong emotions. So seeing you angry and having emotional outbursts can scare them.
Insecurity
Arguing in front of your children can also create feelings of insecurity. They may wonder whether or not their family is going to stay together. Older children often wonder whether or not their parents will be getting a divorce. This uncertainty can make children feel helpless and confused. This insecurity can have long-term effects on their self-confidence later in life. In addition, they may not build trust with others as easily.
Hostility
Hostility is another negative effect of arguing in front of your children. If your kids see you and your spouse being angry or saying hurtful things, they may think that that is the only way to deal with conflict. This can have very negative impacts on their relationships later in life. If they don’t see you and your spouse dealing with conflict in a healthy way, they’ll never know how to do it themselves. Even younger children can display more hostility if they’re exposed to a lot of arguing.
Relationship Damage
Finally, one final negative consequence of arguing in front of your children is that it can harm your relationship with them. If you and your partner are constantly arguing, you’re more likely to be in a bad mood. This in turn can make you short-tempered or less patient with your kids. They may even feel like they are not a priority. Sometimes, even without realizing it, parents take out their frustrations with other things on their children. All of this can harm your overall relationship with your kids.
All in all, arguing in front of your children can be very harmful both in the short term and even later in their life. It can affect their relationships for years to come. If they see constant conflict, it can create a very stressful environment for them. In addition, they may feel insecure about their family. All of this can result in increased hostility and them not knowing how to healthily handle conflict in their own relationships. And finally, arguing can hurt your relationship with your own kids. If you and your partner are arguing constantly, make sure that your kids are not within earshot. In addition, it might be best to seek professional help in order to learn how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.
