Mar 12, 2023 | Divorce, Emotional impact of divorce
Invisible grief often takes the form of mourning the potential we lost or grieving after a life that we planned for ourselves that now will never happen. And while it’s not as visible as grief over the death of a loved one, it can still be very painful. Many people go through a period of mourning after infidelity because they are grieving the loss of trust in their marriage. When couples choose to divorce, they often mourn over losing the future they envisioned for themselves. You can also grieve changes in circumstances like a move to a new city, or struggling to conceive. And finally, you might experience a grieving period if you suffer a financial loss as well. Finding a healthy outlet like journaling or speaking to a therapist can often help you tackle this grief and move forward to a healthier frame of mind.
Dealing with Invisible Grief: Mourning the Loss of the Life You Imagined
Grief Over Infidelity
If you are the victim of infidelity, you might feel invisible grief over the loss of trust in your marriage. Whether or not you stay together, there will probably be a difference in your relationship from now on. Infidelity can change the dynamic of your marriage, so speaking with a marriage counselor can be very beneficial. If you choose to stay with your spouse after an affair, give yourself plenty of time to process your feelings.
Grief Over Divorce
While it seems obvious that divorce is an incredibly sad event, the invisible grief from divorce often comes from the lost future. When you marry a person, you envision what your future will look like together. Maybe you pictured retirement or grandchildren. A divorce changes that forever, and it’s okay to be sad about that. Not only are you losing relationships with your spouse and in-laws, but you’re losing a version of the future that you wanted. Make sure that you take time to process fully before dating again.
Grief Over Change in Circumstance
Invisible grief can also hit if you experience a change in circumstances. A big life change can stir up a lot of emotions. For example, if you have to relocate, you might grieve the loss of friends and neighbors. If you are having trouble conceiving a child, you might grieve the future you envisioned as a parent. There are a million changes that can happen that can upset the vision you had of your future, and grieving these is perfectly normal and healthy.
Grief Over Financial Downfall
Finally, if you and your spouse experience a financial setback, it can create invisible grief. Not only are you losing money, but it can also add a lot of new stress to your marriage. Financial change can also affect the future you can have. If you and your partner experience a financial downfall, the best way to handle it is to tackle it together. Don’t play the blame game, but instead, work together to build a budget and slowly begin saving.
Invisible grief can play a significant role in any relationship. Mourning the loss of a future that you planned for yourself is perfectly normal. And there are a lot of factors that can affect those plans. If you experience things like infidelity or divorce, it can vastly change your relationship and your future. Similarly, going through a change in circumstances or a financial setback can also upset your way of life and create a lot of unwanted stress. It’s normal to mourn when things don’t work out the way you wanted. It’s important to find healthy ways to tackle that grief, though. Reach out to a therapist or a close friend to help you process those emotions. Or practice some self-care by journaling or taking time for yourself. But most of all, be patient and give yourself the space and time to experience and process your grief.
Mar 11, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce can be tricky. You might be feeling incredibly frustrated, resentful, or even hurt. So dealing with your ex is probably the last thing you want to do. However, having two parents that can get along is much healthier for children than being around co-parents who display a lot of conflicts. So although it’s difficult, it’s important to put aside your anger for the sake of your children’s happiness. It’s helpful to focus on your mental well-being during this time. Learn to communicate directly and efficiently with your ex, and don’t send messages through your children. And finally, it’s best to keep all of your frustrations and conflict away from your kids all together. Seeing parents fighting can increase their anxiety. Although it’s difficult, hopefully, you and your ex can come to some sort of peaceful co-parenting solution for the sake of your children.
Co-Parenting After a Contentious Divorce: Moving On
Remember the Big Picture
When co-parenting after a contentious divorce, it’s important to remember the big picture. Yes, you might have a lot of resentment and anger toward your ex. However, retaliating by creating drama with custody will only end up hurting your children. The best thing that both of you can do for them is to provide peaceful and loving homes. And be supportive of their relationship with their other parent.
Work On Your Happiness
It’s also helpful to work on your happiness when co-parenting after a contentious divorce. The divorce process is finally over, so now is the time to re-focus on your own needs. Putting yourself in a better frame of mind will allow you more patience and grace to deal with your ex when dealing with custody issues.
Communicate Effectively
Healthy communication is the secret to co-parenting after a contentious divorce. It might take some trial and error, but you and your ex need to figure out the best way for you to communicate about childcare. For many, that means either face-to-face or via the telephone, but not over text or email where the tone of voice can be confused. It’s also important to speak directly to your co-parent and not try to convey messages to one another through your kids.
Don’t Involve the Children in Drama
Finally, when it comes to co-parenting after a contentious divorce, or when it comes to divorce in general, keep the drama away from your children. They are too young to understand the ins and outs of marriage and divorce. So unloading frustration on them about their other parent whom they love can hurt their feelings. Don’t let them overhear you getting into conflicts with your ex, and don’t trash talk in front of them.
Co-parenting after a contentious divorce might be a process of trial and error. It can take some time to figure out the best way to work together to figure out childcare. Especially if you and your ex went through a lot of pain and hurt with your divorce. Try to focus on the larger picture of creating a healthy and nurturing environment for your children. Work on improving your own happiness and mental health so that you can focus less on drama with your ex. Learn to communicate effectively and efficiently with your ex. And finally, keep the conflict away from your children. After all, is said and done, you and your ex-spouse still love your children deeply, so providing a healthy co-parenting relationship for them is the most important thing.
Feb 20, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Divorce can be a draining and emotional process which can leave you feeling pretty down and depressed. These feelings can begin to seep into other parts of your life, especially if you’re a co-parenting. Co-parenting depression can be rough on both you and your kids. Therefore, it’s helpful to know some methods which make things easier for everyone and can help you bounce back…
Co-Parenting Depression: Emotional Impact of Divorce
Have shared house rules
Something which can make your co-parenting depression worse is a lack of shared rules. It can be extremely tough for you when your kids forget how to behave because you and your ex don’t share any basic rules. Plus, this makes It harder for your kids to learn what kind of behavior is acceptable or not. Therefore, you’ll want to have some rules which you both enforce.
For example, maybe you can both agree on certain bedtimes. You may also be able to find common ground on when they should do their homework, time they get to spend on electronics, etc. While not every rule has to be the same, just having a few in common can make things go smoother.
Keep in touch
Another issue which can contribute to co-parenting depression is a lack of communication. Some exes struggle to talk without arguing. Others may not communicate at all, which prevents them from being on the same page. However, it’s important to keep some kind of healthy communication open.
One thing you may want to try is keeping your conversations digital. It may be easier for you to keep it touch via email or text instead of phone calls or in-person meetings. Plus, it’ll be more convenient, especially if there’s any sudden schedule changes or other issues which come up.
Focus on what you have
Going from being a “normal” family to a split one is a major source of co-parenting depression. This can be made even worse if it seems your ex is moving on faster then you are. However, it’s important not to focus on the supposed negatives. Rather, you should focus on the positive things you have.
After all, you still get to be a parent to your kids and be involved in their lives. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you can’t be a great parent. There may even be new opportunities which have opened up because of your divorce. You just have to be willing to look for them!
Feb 12, 2023 | Divorce, Financial Impact of Divorce
Divorce can be both stressful and somewhat costly. As a result, you may find that you need some financial support post-divorce. It’s important to know what your options are, and how you can even ask those close to you for help…
How to Ask for Financial Support Post-Divorce: Helpful Steps
Explore your choices
When you’re looking for financial support post-divorce, it’s good to consider what your choices are. For example, some people may turn to their bank for a loan. While these can be helpful in the moment, how much you can receive will depend on things like your credit score. This will also impact any sort of interest rate you’ll need to deal with.
If your work has laid you off, then you can also seek out unemployment benefits. These will help you get some cash flow while you look for a new job. However, many will wonder about asking their friends and family. While they may have helped you before, bringing money into the mix can complicate things, so it’s good to know how to make this process easier for everyone.
Be prepared
If you want to ask your friends and family for financial support post-divorce, you need to be prepared. Just going to them and asking for money will get you nowhere and strain your relationship. Rather, if you really want their help, you should show them that by getting yourself ready.
In particular, it’s good to set up a budget and spending plan. Figure out just exactly how much money you may need and for what. It’s also helpful to see if there’s any sort of debt forgiveness or restructuring you can do too. When you prepare like this, it shows your friends and family that you’re serious about using the money properly.
Set up terms
You shouldn’t treat getting financial support post-divorce from friends and family any differently than you would from other places. It can be easy to think that because you know each other, that it doesn’t need to be as serious. However, when money is involved, you want to make sure both sides know and understand what’s expected of the other.
In fact, even if they say they don’t want you to pay them back, it’s good to tell them you will. This creates some accountability on your end and ensures you’ll use the money to get yourself situation. Once you are, you can then pay them back, even if it was just a small amount they gave you.
Feb 5, 2023 | Divorce
While it’s painful to think about, sometimes divorce is the best option for couples who are no longer happy in their marriage. Unfortunately, there is often still a lot of guilt surrounding the decision, especially if you have children. However, there is no need to feel ashamed of making a decision that is best for your family and your future. If you have tried marriage counseling and things aren’t working, it might be time to move forward with divorce. Similarly, if you are the only partner putting in any effort or if there is a lack of trust between you and your spouse. And sometimes, people just move in different directions with their lives and realize that they are no longer compatible. Whatever the reason for your divorce, there’s no reason to feel a stigma about the decision. Be confident that you are choosing the best future for yourself.
Sometimes Divorce is the Best Option: Letting Go of Guilt
Counseling Isn’t Working
One of the reasons why sometimes divorce is the best option is if couples have tried marriage counseling but things aren’t improving. It might be because of a communication breakdown, or might simply be that you have different goals in life. Whatever the disconnect is, if you’ve given it your best try and it’s still not improving, it might be time to let go.
No Effort
Divorce is the best option if you are the only one putting any effort into the relationship as well. Marriage requires teamwork, and you and your spouse both need to be equally committed. Unfortunately, if you are the only one making space in your life for marriage, it might be time to call it quits. You deserve an equal partner that is willing to put in the effort to make a relationship last.
Broken Trust
Another reason why sometimes divorce is the best option for couples is if there is a lack of trust. This often happens after an affair, especially if the adultery happens several times. If you no longer trust your partner, or you feel your partner doesn’t trust you, it might be time to discuss divorce. A marriage cannot last if you and your spouse don’t have faith in one another.
Letting Go of Guilt
There are tons of reasons why people get divorced. And sometimes, it’s simply that they’ve grown apart. Whatever the reasons are, there are times when divorce is the best option. However, even if this is the case, it can still come with a lot of guilt. It’s important to remember that choosing your happiness is perfectly fine and not something you should feel ashamed of. If you have children, it’s important to remember that staying together for their sake if you’re unhappy isn’t modeling a healthy relationship. Having two co-parents who get along is better for them in the long run than living with two parents who argue.
While it’s difficult to accept, some marriages simply aren’t meant to be. If you and your spouse are drifting apart, it might be time to examine whether or not divorce is the best option for you. Try not to let guilt or stigma be a factor in your decision. Instead, think about what you want for your future and what sort of partner you deserve in life. If you and your spouse have tried counseling to no avail, or if you feel like you’re the only one putting in the effort, it might be time to break up. Additionally, if there is a lack of trust between you, you might need to move forward with a divorce. Hopefully, you and your spouse can come to the best decision for your family and move forward amicably with whatever you choose.
Dec 4, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Adjusting spousal support, or alimony can be a complicated process. In South Carolina, some alimony payments last a lifetime because they are “periodic alimony,” or permanent alimony. This is the most common form of alimony. However, there are a few instances where these supports might change. Death, marriage, or moving in with a partner might change alimony, as can a substantial change in circumstances. However, there are specific rules about changing these payments. Therefore, the best thing to do if you want to try to change alimony payments is to speak to an attorney. They can assist you in going through the proper legal channels and can do their best to get your alimony payments where they ought to be.
Adjusting Spousal Support in SC: Changing Alimony
What is Spousal Support?
Spousal support, or alimony, is the money that one spouse pays to another after a divorce. This money is typical to help the receiving spouse maintain the same lifestyle after the split. When deciding on how much spousal support to award, a judge takes into account many factors. For example, each person’s income and needs. Adjusting spousal support can be a tricky process because alimony is typically permanent in South Carolina.
Reasons for Adjusting or Terminating Spousal Support
While most alimony is permanent, adjusting spousal support is possible in a few scenarios. For example, if either spouse passes away, alimony support stops and does not pass on to heirs. In addition, if the receiving spouse re-marries or lives with a new partner for more than ninety days, the alimony payments also terminate. And finally, if there is a substantial change in circumstances.
More About Substantial Changes
Adjusting spousal support because of a substantial change in circumstances can be proved in a number of different ways. For example, if either the sending or receiving spouse has a change in salary or income it can change alimony. Or if either has a new health issue arises. If the spouse receiving payments inherits a large sum of money, it might mean a reduction in support payments. The change must be unexpected and new since the time of the divorce.
First Steps
Adjusting spousal support is best left to your family law attorney. They can help guide you through the process to get the results that you want and deserve. If you believe that your payments should be reduced, or if you want to defend against an ex trying to reduce payments, it’s important to get legal representation.
Adjusting spousal support is not very common in some states, South Carolina among them. Most alimony payments in South Carolina are permanent, or periodic alimony. However, there are a few circumstances where you might be able to reduce payments. For example, if either partner dies or if the receiving spouse gets remarried or moves in with a new partner. Or if either party can prove a significant change in circumstances. Many factors go into proving these facts, so the best course of action is to engage an experienced family law attorney as soon as possible. They can assist you in proving your case and getting the results that you deserve when it comes to adjusting alimony.
