Aug 14, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Many factors can affect the cost of divorce, and some depend on the state that you live in. However, there are several that almost always can raise the price of your litigation. If you have children and need to figure out a custody situation, that almost always makes your divorce more complicated. In addition, complicated assets or properties can drive up the price. A lot depends on you and your ex’s ability to compromise on issues. The more you can agree on up front, the quicker things can get resolved. And this will in turn keep your costs lower. There are many factors affecting the overall price of divorce, but your ability to compromise will help you save money.
Factors that Affect the Cost of Divorce: Keeping Your Costs Lower
Custody
One of the factors that almost always affects the cost of divorce is custody. If you and your ex have children, you’ll be needing to figure out a custody arrangement. This almost always gets complicated, and in turn, can take a long time. Parents want the best for their children, and emotions can run high. But the longer that litigation goes on, the higher the bill.
Complicated Assets
Another factor that can increase the cost of divorce is your assets. If you have complicated assets, stocks, or many properties, it can make things more expensive. This is because it takes longer to figure out all of their value, and how to split them fairly. If you and your ex own any companies together, this can also complicate matters.
Ability to Compromise
Your ability to compromise is the thing that affects the cost of your divorce the most. The more that you and your ex can agree on up front, the better off you’ll be money-wise. If you can figure out how you want to handle things in mediation without having to go to court, you’ll save yourself even more money. The quicker you can resolve issues, the less time you’ll be billed.
Other Factors
Many factors affect the cost of divorce, some that you can control, and some that you can’t. For example, the state that you live in will have some effect on your settlement costs. In addition, your costs also depend on who you choose as your divorce attorney. But remember, you get what you pay for, and attorneys are no exception. While you might spend more money upfront to hire a more experienced divorce attorney, the settlement they get for you will probably be worth it.
Figuring out the cost of divorce is nearly impossible to do from the beginning. However, many attorneys can give you an overall estimate of what to expect. A lot depends on your unique situation. However, across the board, there are some things that almost always raise the price. Custody battles generally make things more expensive, as well as having a complicated estate or assets. If you and your ex are unable to compromise on anything, it can make your litigation take much longer to resolve. And this can increase the price. Hiring excelling representation can also be expensive, but likely will get you the settlement you want. The bottom line is that divorce is expensive for everybody, but the more you and your ex can compromise on, the lower you’ll keep your costs.
Aug 7, 2022 | Co-parenting, Divorce
Birthday parties with shared custody can be a little tricky to navigate. Everybody wants their children’s birthday to be extra special. So when you have to split your time with your kids, it can be hard to know the best way to handle their birthdays. Some people choose to work together to throw a joint birthday party. Others split up the day half and a half so that one parent sees the birthday kid in the morning, and the other gets them at night. A yet others simply throw two different birthdays! A lot depends on the relationship you have with your co-parent, finances, and your locations. But the most important thing is that you and your ex put aside your feelings and tension so that your child can have the most special birthday possible.
Birthday Parties with Shared Custody: Figuring Out Your Schedule
Share the Day
Birthday parties with shared custody can be complicated, so there are lots of ways to handle them. If you and your ex get along reasonably well, you can simply share the day with your kids. Plan a party together and attend the party as a family. If you are prone to getting into dramatic standoffs with your ex, this is not the option for you. But as long as you can get along (at least for a little while) you can spend your special day together with your child.
Split the Day
Other couples handle birthday parties with shared custody by splitting up the day. This works well if you live near each other. One parent keeps the children in the morning, and then the parents switch off in the afternoon. That way, each parent gets a chance to see their child on their actual birthday. You can even swap off at the party with one parent setting up and attending for the first half, and then the other parent switching off and handling cleanup after.
Double Up
Finally, for ex-couples that do not interact very peacefully or for exes that live far apart, some choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody by doubling up. Each parent gets to celebrate the children’s birthdays separately. Each year you can switch out who has the child on the actual day of their birth. This option is often a win-win for children because they get to have two parties!
The Bottom Line
However you choose to handle birthday parties with shared custody, the bottom line is that you and your ex need to set aside your differences for the sake of your children. You might have a lot of bitter feelings, but on this day only, it’s all about your birthday child. Try to get along as peacefully as you can so that your child can have a great day.
There are lots of ways to handle birthday parties with shared custody. A lot depends on the relationship that you have with your ex-spouse, and whether you can get along at all. It also depends on how close you live to one another, and of course, your financial situation. Some parents choose to throw one birthday party together for their kids. Others choose to switch off so that they don’t have to overlap very much. And yet others choose to have entirely separate celebrations with their children. It’s up to you to decide which way fits your family’s situation the best. However, the most important thing to remember is that this day isn’t about you and your ex-spouse, it’s about your child. So remember to put their feelings first and make this day as special as it can be.
Jul 31, 2022 | Divorce, Marriage
It can feel not easy to make time for your marriage, especially if you have young children. However, it’s incredibly important for you and your spouse to reconnect. The best way to make time for your partner is to put it on your calendar. If you need childcare, don’t feel guilty about hiring a babysitter or asking for help from a friend. And remember, it’s not about the quantity of the time, it’s about the quality. Make a more concentrated effort to connect with your spouse and set aside other distractions. Hopefully, even with little children, you and your partner can find the time to make your marriage a priority.
How to Make Time for Your Marriage: Even with Young Children
Realize the Importance
The only way to make time for your marriage if you have young children is to realize how essential it is. Our lives get so busy, that it’s easy to allow relationships to take a back seat. However, every marriage needs effort and dedication. You can prioritize your relationship by showing appreciation for one another, communicating, and spending quality time together.
Put It in Your Calendar
The best way to make time for your marriage is to put it on your calendar. Physically blocking out a specific time during the week to reconnect with your spouse will help you both make it a habit. Don’t let other things take priority, but instead, make that time set in stone for each other.
Hire Help
While you can make time for your marriage by having a date night at home, sometimes it’s nice to get out of the house. Especially if you also work remotely. Hire a sitter for a few hours so that you and your spouse can have alone time where you know you won’t be interrupted. If a sitter isn’t an affordable option, see if a friend or family member will help out.
Make it Quality Time
Finally, when you do make time for your marriage, make sure that it’s quality time. Put aside your cell phones for a bit so that you can re-connect distraction-free. Try to take an interest in your partner’s life. Communication is all about becoming a better listener. When you set aside a specific time in the day to reconnect, it can prevent tensions from building up and bubbling over.
If you have young children, it might feel like you never have time for yourself, let alone your partner. However, it’s incredibly important to make time for your marriage so that you can re-connect with your spouse. It’s far too easy to begin to feel like roommates with one another, rather than partners in a marriage. So put quality time on your schedule and carve out some time each week to communicate with one another. Hire a sitter or ask a friend to watch your kids so that you won’t be distracted. And finally, put away your phones so that you can focus on one another. The years with young children can be difficult for a marriage, but if you both put effort into reconnecting, you can make your marriage even stronger.
Jul 24, 2022 | Divorce
If you think your spouse is cheating, it can be devastating for your marriage. However, an affair is a big deal and something that hopefully neither you nor your partner takes lightly. Accusing them of cheating can be hurtful if they aren’t, so it’s important to get a clear head before you try to confront them. Make a list of the reasons why you suspect the cheating. Get a second opinion from a trusted friend or family member. Decide how you feel about the situation in general, and whether or not you’re ready to know the truth. If you still feel like your partner might be cheating, the only way to know for sure is to ask them. Calmly confront them and try to get to the bottom of it. Hopefully, you and your spouse can work through whatever happens next together.
I Think My Spouse is Cheating, Now What? Gathering Evidence
Make a List
If you think your spouse is cheating, it can be helpful to try to get a little space. Please make a list of all the reasons why you think they might be cheating and all the reasons why you think they are loyal. Then take a few days and try to take a little time for yourself to get your head clear. After that, revisit the list and see if the reasons still seem legitimate. Sometimes, we panic and start making more out of small situations. Getting a little space can often bring this to light and release some anxiety.
Get a Second Opinion
Another thing you can do if you suspect that your spouse is cheating is to get a second opinion. However, accusing somebody of infidelity is a bell that you can’t unring. So be careful who you confide in. You might want to speak to a therapist or a close friend that you know will keep your confidence. They can help you decide if you are jumping to conclusions that might not be true.
Decide How You Feel
If you feel sure that your spouse is cheating, it’s essential to take some time before you confront them to process your feelings. Decide whether or not this is a truth that you want to know. Get support from somebody you trust, or speak with a therapist to help you prepare for how you might feel if you find out that it’s true. When you feel like you are ready to learn one way or the other, it’s time to confront them.
Confront Them
There’s no other way to find out whether or not your spouse is cheating other than to confront them about it and ask. Try to pick a time when you are both calm and won’t be interrupted, and set them down for a serious discussion. Don’t throw out your accusation in the middle of an argument. Ask about how your spouse is feeling about your relationship and whether there is anything they’d like to tell you. Finally, you can mention your fears and the reasons why you suspect that they’re having an affair. Hopefully, they will be truthful with you, whatever the case.
If you think your spouse is cheating, it can create confusion and panic. It’s easy to spin out of control with these kinds of thoughts and psyche yourself out. It can be helpful to take a little time to relax and collect yourself. Write down the reasons why you think your partner is cheating, and then revisit them in a few days to see if they seem silly or not. Confide in a close friend for a second opinion, but make sure they can keep your confidence. Before you confront your partner about it, decide if you’re ready to hear the truth. Then, ask them directly in a calm conversation. Hopefully, whether the answer is yes or no, you and your spouse will be able to move forward in a way that makes sense for both of you.
Jun 24, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
Marriage counseling is a great tool for any couple to use throughout their marriage. A good marriage counselor can give you tips to strengthen your bond in good times and in hard times. However, some people view the need for counseling as a weakness. They might not be open to seeing a therapist at all. If you are trying to convince a partner to see a counselor with you, make sure to pick a good time and place to bring up the conversation. Do your homework up front so you can tell them what they can expect from a session. Listen to their concerns and try to work through some of them. If they refuse, you can still go on your own and benefit from counseling. Hopefully, you’ll be able to convince them to join, and you both can get the support you need.
How to Talk Your Partner Into Marriage Counseling: A Tough Sell for Some
Choose the Right Time and Place
If you’re trying to convince a partner to try marriage counseling, it’s important to start the conversation in the right way. For example, you want to pick a time when you have some uninterrupted time to talk things through. Don’t sideline them as they’re walking out the door. Instead, tell them you’d like to discuss something important and then in a non-judgemental way, bring up therapy. Make sure it doesn’t sound like you are accusing them of anything. Rather, you just think that both of you could benefit from some outside support.
Do Your Homework Up Front
Do your homework on marriage counseling up front, especially if it’s going to be a tough sell. You might even consider going ahead and making an appointment and just letting your partner know you’d like them to join you. Research what happens in counseling sessions so you can alleviate any worries they have. Remind them that you aren’t going so that they can be blamed for anything, and the therapist will not choose sides.
Listen to Their Concerns
If you are having trouble convincing a partner to go to marriage counseling, listen to their reasons why. They might not have a lot of confidence in therapy in general. Or perhaps, they’re afraid of letting a stranger know intimate details of your life. They might even be worried that the therapist will choose sides and they will feel ganged up on. Try to reassure them as much as you can while being respectful of their feelings.
If They Still Won’t Go
Finally, if your partner refuses to go to marriage counseling, just go yourself! Even if you are there alone, there is so much a therapist can do to help you. They might give you advice about talking with your spouse or things to try to convince them to come. Perhaps if your spouse sees the improvements you make in your life because of therapy, they’ll be convinced to try a session.
Bringing up marriage counseling can be a difficult conversation for some couples. If you know that it’s going to be a tough sell with your partner, make sure to pick the right moment to bring it up. Have plenty of time and privacy to discuss, and don’t suggest it during a fight or as you’re walking out the door. Do your research upfront so you can let them know what happens during a session and what to expect. Listen to their concerns respectfully and try to alleviate their worries as best as you can. Hopefully, you can convince them to join you, but if not, it’s still worth going on your own. Every person can benefit from counseling. Hopefully, you and your partner will go together and learn to strengthen your marriage.
Jun 17, 2022 | Divorce, Family Law
The custody transition after divorce can be a difficult and painful time for parents and children. Everything they know is changing and sometimes children don’t react well. They might lash out, shut down, regress in behaviors, or show other concerning signs of stress. Remind yourself and them that this will seem normal soon enough. Be as consistent as you can be across your households with schedules and activities. Give your children an outlet if they are older. For example, a child psychologist or therapist to talk to about their feelings. And finally, be patient. This process can take a long time and many struggles with this transition for a while. But hopefully, your children will adapt to change quickly and everybody will settle into their new routine easily.
Easing the Custody Transition After Divorce: Easing Your Child’s Worries
Reassure Them
It can help ease the custody transition after divorce to always reassure your children. Reassure them that you love them and that the divorce did not have anything to do with them. Children often feel guilt about divorces or internalize them as their fault. Make sure they know that is not the case. Also, reassure them they’ll get used to their new schedule quickly.
Be Consistent
Children thrive on consistency. So it can be helpful when easing the custody transition after divorce to keep their routines as similar as possible. Try to stick to their normal schedule and school activities. Make sure that you and your ex are following similar routines at each of your houses. Try to keep bedtime, mealtimes, and wake times as consistent as possible.
Give Them An Outlet
If you have older children, a professional can help ease the custody transition for them. They might not want to open up to you or your ex because you are so involved in the situation. So giving them another adult that they can trust is often very helpful. Reach out to a child therapist or counselor. Even younger children can benefit from seeing a child psychologist.
Be Patient
Finally, be patient with the custody transition. It can take a long time for children to get in the swing of things with their new schedules. Try to give them the time and space to feel their feelings without pressuring them. Just be consistent and reassure them of your love. Make them feel secure. Eventually, they will come to see their new schedule as normal.
Easing the custody transition for children during a divorce can be hard on parents. Children feel emotions deeply and it can often be hard to figure out what’s going on in their heads. Divorce can be very hard on children, but with some consistency and love, you can help them get used to their new normal. Constantly reassure them that the divorce is not their fault and that you love them. Be as consistent as you can be with their schedules across your and your ex’s households. If your children are older, consider letting them speak with a counselor or therapist about their feelings. Children often open up more to adults who are not their parents. And finally, just give it time. This transition can take a while, but hopefully, you will all adjust to your new lives and begin the next exciting chapter.
