Aug 14, 2023 | Co-parenting, Marriage
Every couple argues sometimes. And children need to see that parents can sometimes have minor conflicts that they resolve. However, if your fighting has become destructive, it’s important to stop arguing in front of your children. Constant arguing in front of your children can affect them negatively in many different ways. It creates a stressful atmosphere for them which can cause short and long-term issues. In addition, they may feel insecure because of constant arguments. They might develop hostility or anger which can harm their relationships in the future. And finally, your relationship with your children might suffer as well. While it’s normal for couples to argue every now and then, if you feel that the arguing is constant and highly combative, it’s best to make sure you are not being overheard by young ears.
Arguing in Front of Your Children: Negative Effects It Can Have on Your Kids
Stress
Arguing in front of your children can create a very stressful atmosphere for them. The raised voices and emotions feel even more overwhelming to a child’s ears than they do adults. Children usually think that raised voices mean they are in trouble, whether or not they’re directed at them. So if you and your spouse are shouting, even if the child is not remotely involved, they can internalize all that anger as being pointed at them. In addition, they don’t know how to cope with strong emotions. So seeing you angry and having emotional outbursts can scare them.
Insecurity
Arguing in front of your children can also create feelings of insecurity. They may wonder whether or not their family is going to stay together. Older children often wonder whether or not their parents will be getting a divorce. This uncertainty can make children feel helpless and confused. This insecurity can have long-term effects on their self-confidence later in life. In addition, they may not build trust with others as easily.
Hostility
Hostility is another negative effect of arguing in front of your children. If your kids see you and your spouse being angry or saying hurtful things, they may think that that is the only way to deal with conflict. This can have very negative impacts on their relationships later in life. If they don’t see you and your spouse dealing with conflict in a healthy way, they’ll never know how to do it themselves. Even younger children can display more hostility if they’re exposed to a lot of arguing.
Relationship Damage
Finally, one final negative consequence of arguing in front of your children is that it can harm your relationship with them. If you and your partner are constantly arguing, you’re more likely to be in a bad mood. This in turn can make you short-tempered or less patient with your kids. They may even feel like they are not a priority. Sometimes, even without realizing it, parents take out their frustrations with other things on their children. All of this can harm your overall relationship with your kids.
All in all, arguing in front of your children can be very harmful both in the short term and even later in their life. It can affect their relationships for years to come. If they see constant conflict, it can create a very stressful environment for them. In addition, they may feel insecure about their family. All of this can result in increased hostility and them not knowing how to healthily handle conflict in their own relationships. And finally, arguing can hurt your relationship with your own kids. If you and your partner are arguing constantly, make sure that your kids are not within earshot. In addition, it might be best to seek professional help in order to learn how to deal with conflicts in a healthy way.
Apr 2, 2023 | Marriage
While some arguments are normal in a marriage, it becomes a problem when anger issues turn into abuse. Abuse can sometimes be difficult to spot, especially emotional abuse. A partner that lashes out in anger with threats and violence can be dangerous. However, a partner that uses anger like a weapon and makes their spouse unsure of how to navigate situations without triggering outbursts can also be incredibly damaging. Learning to de-escalate outbursts is important. As is seeking professional help. However, you must learn to set boundaries for yourself and decide what you feel is tolerable in a marriage. If your partner crosses the line, it might be time to consider taking more drastic steps to protect yourself physically and emotionally.
When Anger Issues Turn into Abuse: Finding the Line
Normal Anger vs. Abusive Behavior
Everybody has periods where they feel angry, aggravated, or annoyed. And in a marriage, that anger can sometimes be directed at your spouse. However, anger issues turn into abuse when they make your partner feel frightened or threatened. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells around your spouse, it might be an indication that they have an anger problem. Or if you change your behavior, or try to hide things from them just to avoid an argument. Your spouse should respect your feelings and give you the freedom to express them without fear.
De-Escalation
If anger issues turn into abuse with your spouse, it’s important to know how to keep yourself safe. De-escalation is an important tactic. If you get angry yourself, it could just make your spouse even more defensive. When they are experiencing rage, they won’t be able to see reason, and getting upset yourself might make things dangerous. Instead, try to remain calm and walk away. Hopefully, giving your partner time and space to cool down will help them gain control of their emotions.
Seeking Professional Help
If you’ve experienced an episode where anger issues turn into abuse, it’s time to reach out for professional help. While it’s important to de-escalate the situation in the moment, it shouldn’t be your constant job to regulate your partner’s emotions. They need to do the work so that you can have mature conflict without it escalating into verbal or physical abuse. See if your partner is willing to speak with a doctor, therapist, or marriage counselor.
Enough is Enough
If your partner is not willing to reach out to a professional in order to get help for their anger, or if it is starting to negatively impact your day to day life, you need to decide when enough is enough. It’s not fair to live a marriage afraid of your partner’s reaction to things. And if the abuse ever becomes physical, it could continue to escalate and put you in a dangerous position. Set boundaries for your own happiness. If your spouse isn’t able to respect them, then it might be time to consider if you want to continue the marriage.
When anger issues turn into abuse it can be very frightening. It can also be subtle and hard to pinpoint exactly where the line is between normal anger and emotional abuse. However, if you are changing your behaviors in order to avoid arguments, or are living in constant fear of your spouse’s outburst, it’s probably emotionally abusive behavior. Additionally, if arguments ever escalate and become physical, it’s time to reach out to a professional. Try to de-escalate the situation as much as possible. When things are calmer, have your spouse get help from a medical professional or marriage
Apr 1, 2023 | Marriage
Because more and more couples are opting to adopt pets, pet prenups are becoming more popular as well. Many couples, especially millennials, are foregoing having children and are instead buying pets. And those pets become like family members. However, what happens to those pets when their humans divorce? Unfortunately, in the eyes of the law, pets are property and will be allocated like any other asset to one spouse or the other. A pet prenup will allow you and your fiancé to decide how you want your pet custody to look in the event of a divorce. You can make provisions for keeping up with pet costs as well as a schedule for visitation. Hopefully, knowing that you are taking care of your furry friends before you even walk down the aisle will give you peace of mind.
Pet Prenups: What to Know in Order to Protect Your Furry Friend
What is a Petnup?
Although pets feel like members of the family, the law does not view them that way. Like all other assets and property, pets get divvied up between divorcing spouses. This means that one person or the other will have sole ownership of the pet. A pet prenup allows couples to choose who will take ownership in the case of a divorce, how they’ll split up their time, and how they’ll care for the pet financially.
Things to Consider
If you are coming into a marriage with a pet in tow already, pet prenups can be especially helpful. They can ensure that in the event that you and your spouse get a divorce, that you’ll get to keep your animal. If you and your fiancé are purchasing any pets together, then a prenup can help you decide how to fairly create a custody schedule.
Cost of Pets
Although most pet owners don’t realize it, pets can cost many tens of thousands of dollars over the course of their lifetime. Between pet insurance costs, grooming, boarding, and medical bills, your animal can rack up quite the bill. Pet prenups allow couples to decide how to mutually allocate funds for the maintenance of animals that they purchase together. Many choose to open a joint account where they deposit money monthly for their furry friend’s upkeep.
Pet Custody
Finally, pet prenups can lay out pet custody and visitation. After a divorce, one spouse will be the sole owner of the pet. However, if you have a pet custody plan in place, you can ensure that even if you don’t own the pet that you still get time with them. Many divorced pet owners share custody and switch off months with their animals. Pet custody might seem like a silly concept, but pets can become incredibly important parts of our lives. Suddenly living without them can be more painful than many people realize.
Pet prenups are rising in popularity because pets are treated more and more like members of the family. And although the court will give sole ownership to only one of you, a pet prenup allows you to share custody in the case of divorce. If you are already coming into a relationship with a pet, it’s even more important to secure that pet’s future in the event of a divorce. A prenup can help you decide how to financially take care of your pet after a split, and it can also guarantee visitation or custody rights. Although to some it might seem silly, dedicated pet owners will understand that providing for your pet’s future is an important aspect of being a pet parent.
Mar 26, 2023 | Marriage
Placing blame when money is tight is one of the reasons why so many couples struggle with finances and eventually end up divorced. Money issues can be incredibly stressful for anybody, and in a marriage sometimes that stress causes partners to turn on one another. However, playing the blame game won’t help you with your money troubles, and it can hurt your marriage. More often than not, both parties are equally responsible for over-spending or failing to put away enough in savings. Instead of blaming one another, be open and transparent about money. Set goals as a team and look for creative ways to save costs. And finally, don’t dwell on the negative or you’ll wind up in a cycle of anxiety. Hopefully, you can tackle any financial struggles as a team and not allow money to come between you.
Avoiding Placing Blame When Money is Tight: Tackling Finances Together
Joint Accounts
One of the best ways to avoid placing blame when money is tight is to have joint accounts, or at least allow each other access to all accounts. Opening up the lines of communication will keep you both on the same page with finances. That way, you can spot areas where you each need to reign in spending. Make money a part of normal conversation so that neither of you are being secretive.
Set Goals Together
It can also help to set goals together when trying to avoid placing blame when money is tight. Look for areas of spending where you both struggle, and explore ways to cut back. By creating mutual goals for your money, you can work together as a team to reach them. Plan for things you’ll both enjoy, like home renovations or vacations. And don’t forget to put money away for emergencies and for your future.
Finding Creative Ways to Save Money
Together, you can also explore creative ways to make money and save money. Look through coupons and make a grocery list according to what items are on sale that week. Or find restaurants in your area that run deals throughout the week. You might investigate stay-at-home jobs like tutoring or delivery apps like Ubereats. Look through monthly subscriptions to see if there are any fees you can cut out.
Don’t Dwell on the Negative
Finally, if you find yourself placing blame when money is tight, it can help to try to keep a positive attitude. There might be times in your relationship where finances are strained, and others where you feel comfortable. Dwelling on money issues isn’t likely to fix any of them, and you’ll wind up stressing one another out. If talking about money creates anxiety or causes fights, don’t let it be a topic of conversation all of the time. Instead, set aside specific times where you’ll meet to discuss finances, and otherwise let the topic drop.
When money is tight in a marriage, it can create a lot of stress and anxiety. And unfortunately, it’s often a common trigger for break-ups. Avoiding placing blame when money is tight can be hugely beneficial to your relationship. There will probably be times where each of you rely on one another, whether it be financially or emotionally. Tackling finances as a team will help you become a stronger couple. Be honest and communicative about your financial health as a couple so that you’re each on the same page. Set mutual goals for saving money and for your future. Explore creative ways to make money and reign in spending, and don’t dwell on the negative. Instead, remember that you are bound to have ups and downs financially. Weathering the storm as a team will help you get through any financial hiccups as a couple.
Mar 25, 2023 | Divorce, Marriage
Dealing with a narcissistic spouse can be incredibly frustrating and painful because they often lack empathy and understanding. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition that can lead to a person having an inflated sense of self, and a lack of empathy for others. It can often lead to selfish behavior and make conflict resolution difficult. If you are married to a person with this type of personality, it’s important to share with them how you’re feeling. It’s also important to set boundaries and stick to them. Finally, take care of your own mental health and know your own limits. Hopefully, you and your significant other can learn to get along more peacefully and you can learn to accept their limitations and work around them.
Dealing with a Narcissistic Spouse: Recognizing NPD and Navigating Conflict
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
Narcissistic personality disorder is a diagnosed mental health condition. A person with NPD might have an inflated sense of self-worth, or feel that they are superior to everybody else. They might blame others for their problems, have difficulty with healthy conflict resolution, or generally lack empathy for others. While there are many egotistical people in the world, not everybody with a big head is a narcissist. Speaking with a clinician can give you a better idea of whether or not your spouse is displaying behavior that coincides with NPD.
Share Your Feelings
If you are married to a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to share your feelings with them. People with NPD are not always aware of how their actions damage the mental health of those around them. Because they only think about their own feelings, it might not occur to them how you’re feeling. Speak up and share your thoughts, but try to do so in a way that does not point blame or accusations. Otherwise, you probably won’t get very far with your conversation.
Set Boundaries
It’s also important to set boundaries with a narcissistic spouse. People with NPD often display extreme jealousy and controlling behavior. They also do not like being told what to do. However, it’s important to stand up for yourself. For example, you might say “I don’t appreciate it when you make fun of my friends. I won’t engage in conversations like that any longer.” Set boundaries, and stick to them.
Take Care of Yourself
Finally, when dealing with a narcissistic spouse, it’s important to take care of yourself. Surround yourself with a support network and seek counseling if you are struggling. Additionally, it’s important to know when to draw the line. Some people are able to work around the limitations of being married to somebody with NPD. However, nobody deserves to be in a marriage that makes them unhappy. And if your partner ever crosses a line and becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it’s time to consider divorce.
Narcissistic personality disorder is a tricky mental health condition to navigate. People with narcissistic personalities often struggle with long-term relationships and commitment. They feel superior to others and generally lack empathy, which can make dealing with a narcissistic spouse very aggravating. It’s important to let them know how their behavior affects your mental health. It’s also important to set boundaries with them and then stick to them. But at the same time, you need to know your own limits. You deserve to be happy. Hopefully, you and your spouse can learn to navigate their disorder, but if not, it might be time to consider the kind of future you want.
Feb 2, 2023 | Marriage
The emotional damage of infidelity can last many years or even a lifetime. If your spouse cheats, it can change the way you see the world and lead to scars that take a lot of work to heal. Many people experience a range of emotions after an affair, from anger to grief, and everything in between. Self-blame is not uncommon and it can take a long time to rebuild your self-confidence after infidelity. Grief is also very common because your relationship is going to be different. Many victims of a cheating spouse also have trouble with trusting future partners and can develop anxiety in other relationships. While you might be able to salvage the marriage, it’s okay to give yourself permission to take time to process all of the emotional fallout from the affair.
The Emotional Damage of Infidelity: Lasting Scars
Self-Blame
One of the most common types of emotional damage from infidelity is self-blame. Victims of cheating usually begin questioning why the affair happened in the first place. Often the only reason they can come up with is some sort of shortcoming on their end. However, self-blame isn’t fair to yourself. Your partner decided to cheat all on their own. And while you can’t change the past, you can change the way you talk to yourself and try to remember that you are not at fault for your spouse’s poor lack of judgment.
Grief
Another form of emotional damage from infidelity is grief. You might be able to salvage your marriage and even build it back into a strong relationship. However, the marriage that you had is over. Something will always be fundamentally different between you. And it’s okay to take some time to process the grief that comes from any type of loss.
Distrust
Distrust is one of the most common forms of emotional damage from infidelity that victims of cheating experience. It can be difficult to be vulnerable with future partners ever again. Especially if you were completely blind-sided by the affair. However, try to remember that the actions of your spouse don’t indicate what another partner will do.
Anxiety
Finally, cheating can create a lot of anxiety. If your spouse has an affair, it can take you by surprise and fundamentally change the way that you see the world. This can create a lot of stress and make you feel like you suddenly doubt other things that you took for granted. Finding a healthy outlet for your anxiety, talking things through with a friend, or reaching out to a therapist can help you with managing stress.
The emotional damage of infidelity is far-reaching and can touch other aspects and relationships in your life. Being the victim of a cheating spouse can create lasting scars that take a lot of time and a lot of personal growth to heal. It’s essential to try to avoid placing the blame on yourself. Additionally, give yourself plenty of time to grieve the marriage that you had. Even if you can rebuild your relationship and move on, it’s okay to realize that things will never be quite the same. It’s also important to try to not take the mistrust that you experience into future relationships. And to learn ways of coping with the anxiety and stress that can come from being the victim of an affair. Hopefully, you will be able to move forward while healing from the emotional wounds of infidelity.
