Mar 29, 2025 | Divorce, Family Law
When you’re in a marriage, it can become a large part of your identity. As a result, a divorce can make you question who you really are. Discovering your new post-divorce identity can be tricky. However, there are some ways you can make it easier…
Post-Divorce Identity: Find the New You
Viewing divorce
In order to create your new post-divorce identity, you should first consider how you view the divorce itself. For many people, they see their marriage as a sign of success. Over time, their marriage becomes a very important part of who they are. A divorce is drastically changing what they see as a key part of who they are.
Usually, this will make them feel like they are a failure. They believe that they failed in their role as a spouse, rather than accepting that sometime relationships of all types don’t work out. This also tends to come with a massive sense of loss. If you find yourself feeling this way, then it’s key to make some changes.
Don’t let divorce define you
It’s important that you don’t let your divorce define your post-divorce identity. The end of a marriage doesn’t mean you can’t experience new, great things in the future. Instead, you have to keep in mind that a divorce is just one small hurdle in the grand scheme of life.
You should also remember that while a divorce can be rough, it doesn’t always properly represent the people involved. You and your spouse can be great people who just had a relationship which didn’t work out. The thing is, there’s nothing wrong with that, and you don’t have to let it define you!
Looking to the future
Your should focus your post-divorce identity on what you want to do in the future. It’s good to take some time and reflect on what you really enjoy doing. Start small by thinking about stuff like hobbies or interests that you neglected while married. These can serve to be some inspiration for what you’d like to do down the line.
Also, consider the lessons your marriage and divorce have taught you. Taking away those important lessons will help you immensely in the future. That way, you can begin to do some strong self-improvement, and really become the person you want to be.
Nov 19, 2024 | Family Law, Marriage
Newborns are hard no matter what, but welcoming a baby with your marriage on the rocks already can add even more strain to your relationship. You’ll likely be operating with very little sleep and a whole lot more responsibility. So even the strongest of marriages can be shaken to their core by the arrival of a new baby. If you’re already having some issues, it can help to try to identify the root of the issue. Counseling can be helpful with this and in resolving conflicts in the future. Enlist help and get support wherever you can find it. Finally, remember to always put your baby first. Sometimes, that means getting a divorce if things are not working out. Try to give yourself some grace, and remember that your children will be perfectly healthy and happy as long as you and your spouse can co-parent peacefully.
Welcoming a Baby with Your Marriage on the Rocks: Navigating an Already Stressful Situation with No Sleep
Get to the Root of the Issues
When welcoming a baby with your marriage on the rocks, it can be helpful to try to get to the root of your issues. Figuring out where the source of the tension is in your relationship can help you navigate through it. That way, you can avoid overly stressful topics or situations that are likely to lead to arguments. At least while you survive the infant stage.
Counseling
Counseling can be hugely helpful when welcoming a baby with your marriage on the rocks. It can be hard to get out of the house, but many counselors offer virtual visits now. And finding time before the baby comes can help you figure out where the stress in your relationship is coming from. They can help you improve your communication, set expectations for one another, and healthily navigate conflict.
Enlist Help
Babies are difficult, there’s no getting around it. Enlist help and support wherever you possibly can. For example, if friends or family want to visit the baby, take the time to sneak away for a few minutes to yourself. If people offer help, take them up on it. You can also hire out whatever chores you can for the time being so that you can maximize your time with the baby without having other obligations on your mind. Think about outsourcing things like laundry, cooking, house-cleaning, dog-walking, or yard work.
Put the Baby First
Finally, sometimes it’s okay to admit your relationship isn’t working out. And welcoming a baby with your marriage on the rocks might be just the thing to truly show you that things are not going to work out. Try to remind yourself that your children will be happier with two parents who can co-parent than with parents who fight all the time. Sometimes divorce is truly the best thing for the entire family.
Welcoming a baby with your marriage on the rocks is not ideal. Going through the early newborn stages can test any relationship, so if you’re already starting at a tense place, it can exacerbate the problems. Try to get to the root of your issues to see if there’s anything that you can do before the baby arrives to smooth the waters. Speaking with a couples counselor can be very helpful for figuring out the root of your issues, and ways to navigate them. Additionally, hiring out anything you can is helpful. Try to outsource chores and other responsibilities so that you aren’t stressed about getting them done while taking care of a baby. And finally, sometimes you just have to accept that a relationship is not healthy, no matter how much you’d like to make it work. An amicable divorce can be the best solution and can wind up being the healthier alternative for everybody in the family.
Nov 12, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Surviving the early parenting years is a feat in itself, but keeping your marriage strong during those years is even harder. This can be a particularly stressful time for any couple. Not only are you dealing with new anxieties and fears, but also huge learning curves. And doing it all while sleep-deprived. It’s enough to push any couple to the edge. So try to give your marriage a little extra TLC during these years by communicating clearly and openly with one another. Share equally in working, parenting, and divvying up the mental load. Accept help when it’s offered, and hire help when you need a break. Finally, find small pockets of time each day to dedicate to one another so that you can maintain some intimacy. Hopefully, you can navigate this tricky period and come out stronger than ever as your children get older.
Surviving the Early Parenting Years with Your Marriage Intact: Making Time for Each Other
Communicate Clearly
Set yourselves up for success in surviving the early parenting years by establishing clear and constant communication. Check-in with one another about your needs as well as any stresses that you’re feeling. Try to work together to come up with creative solutions to one another’s concerns. Don’t let resentment or tension build up in your relationship until one of you explodes anger at the other.
Share Equally
Another thing that can be helpful during the early parenting years is to make sure that you’re both sharing equally in your childcare as well as household responsibilities. Additionally, there is a significant mental load that goes along with parenting. Anything from figuring out when to potty train, to making doctor appointments, to researching the right stroller. A significant portion of this mental load tends to fall on mothers, but it’s time for other caregivers to step up and start taking on tasks like these. This can only happen through clear communication.
Accept or Hire Help
If you get offers of help during the early parenting years, take them! If friends and family ask if you need anything, be honest and give them a task that they can complete. For example, see if they’re willing to drop off a meal, take the dog for a walk, or hold the baby while you shower. Furthermore, now is a great time to hire help if you are financially able to do so. Hire a babysitter for a night out if you don’t have anybody who can watch your children, or hire things like lawn care or laundry service to free up more of your precious time.
Dedicate Time for Yourselves
To help your marriage survive the early parenting years, you’ll need to make a conscious effort to make time for one another. It’s easy to get completely wrapped up in the stress of work and parenting. However, your marriage deserves some attention too. Find small pockets during your day to check in with one another, or hire a sitter to get some alone time. Carve out time and put it on your calendar, and then hold that time sacred for each other.
Getting through the early parenting years can often either strengthen a couple’s marriage or push it to the brink of disaster. Young children are difficult to manage, they constantly need attention, and they can be completely exhausting. They can leave you with very little energy for your spouse. However, learning to share the load of parenting can help you navigate this difficult time a little easier. And that starts with clear and open communication. Try to divvy up your household tasks as well as all of the unseen tasks of parenting. Speaking to a therapist can be helpful when trying to improve your communication skills. Furthermore, accept offers of help, or hire help if you can. Finally, set time aside for one another and hold that time sacred. Hopefully, by putting in the effort now, you and your spouse will have an incredibly strong marriage that can withstand any challenges that come your way.
Aug 18, 2024 | Co-parenting, Family Law
Writing a parenting plan is very important when figuring out how your joint custody situation will work. It’s important to include things like your basic schedule. In addition, make sure to include things like holidays and vacations. Times when the schedule will be interrupted. You’ll also lay out a plan for expenses and how to pay for childcare. And finally, include how you’ll make big decisions. Consider things like what religion your children will be brought up in, curfew, diet, healthcare, school decisions, etc. You’ll need a plan in place so that you and your partner are on the same page with all major parenting decisions. Having a parenting plan in place will make your divorce much smoother and will help your children adjust to their new lives.
Writing a Parenting Plan: What to Include in Your Discussions
Schedule
One thing that’s important to include when writing a parenting plan is a basic schedule. This should involve how many days each parent has the children in a row, and what the schedule looks like. Include things like when and where you’ll transfer kids from one parent to another. Oftentimes, families use school as a way of transferring kids. For example, one parent drops them off and another picks them up. Remember that your plan can change as your children age.
Holidays and Vacations
In addition to the regular custody schedule, you should consider holidays and vacations when writing a parenting plan. These are times when the normal schedule might get interrupted. Decide how you’ll handle major holidays. Some parents choose to split them up throughout the year or switch years when each parent has the kids. Remember that when you go on vacation, you might need extra days. Don’t forget holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day where you will most likely want to spend time with your children.
Expenses
Next, when writing a parenting plan, make sure to include a financial plan. You and your ex should decide on how you’ll be paying for childcare expenses. Include things like daycare, school supplies, and saving for college. You should include how you’ll handle any unexpected expenses that come up. For example, large medical bills. Try to factor in everyday expenses as well as larger expenses. Even though you don’t have to buy new sizes of clothes every day, the cost can still add up once or twice a year.
Important Decisions
Finally, one last thing to include when writing a parenting plan is how you’ll handle big decisions. You may want to go ahead and lay some ground rules as far as what your children’s futures will look like. Consider things like what religion you want to raise them in. What schools would you like them to attend? How will you each discipline and set boundaries for them? Don’t forget about things like curfew, diet, activities, and hobbies, and seeing friends and family.
Writing a parenting plan is important for figuring out how your life will look post-divorce. Make sure and include a basic schedule for custody as well as specifics for holidays and vacations. Include a financial plan for how you and your ex will pay for child-related expenses moving forward. And don’t forget about establishing ground rules for important decisions in the future. Creating a comprehensive parenting plan will help you in the future if any issues come up. It can also make the transition easier for your children when they go from living in one household with both parents to a split custody situation.
Jul 28, 2024 | Divorce, Family Law
Trash talking your ex after a divorce can be very tempting, but it’s important to resist the urge. You’re getting divorced, so nobody expects you to like your ex at the moment. However, airing your dirty laundry can have a lot of unintended consequences. If you’re talking badly about your ex in front of your kids it can hurt them emotionally. In addition, your family will remember everything you say, even in the heat of the moment. What you say can come back to bite you eventually. Trash talking to friends can also pull them in different directions and make it harder for them to maintain mutual friendships with your ex. And finally, talking badly online can end up hurting your divorce settlement and even your custody situation. It’s best to retrain from trash-talking altogether.
The Dangers of Trash Talking Your Ex After Divorce: Speak Kindly or Not at All
Trash Talking In Front of Kids
Trash talking your ex in front of your kids can be the most damaging thing you can do after a divorce. Especially if you’re talking about their other parent. They love you both equally. Hearing horrible things from one parent about another can make them question themselves and make them distrust either of you. It can also make them feel guilty for loving their other parent. It’s best to maintain as friendly a relationship as possible when dealing with your ex in front of your children. Divorce is hard enough on children already, don’t add feelings of guilt and mistrust into the equation too.
Trash Talking to Family
Trash talking your ex in front of your family can also be tempting but is dangerous. During a divorce, your feelings will probably fluctuate a lot about your ex. There might be times when you’re feeling nostalgic about them. But your family will remember everything you say about them. They won’t be as forgiving as you might be. Things said in the heat of the moment can come back to haunt you if you’re feeling nostalgic about your ex and want a sympathetic ear.
Trash Talking to Friends
Many times, couples have mutual friendships that they want to maintain even after the divorce. If this is the case for you, trash-talking your ex to your friends can make that difficult for everybody. It can force your friends to feel like they need to choose sides. If your goal is to not split your friends and to keep those relationships, it’s best to keep your divorce private.
Trash Talking Online
Finally, people often forget that trash-talking your ex online can have very big consequences. Attorneys look at your social media accounts. Even if your Instagram, Facebook, or Twitter has privacy settings, there’s no way to prevent people from sharing the info that you’ve put online publicly. If word gets back to your ex or their attorney, it could hurt your settlement by making them more antagonistic. In addition, if you’re fighting for custody it can negatively affect you. One aspect of custody agreements that are often looked at is whether or not you can maintain a cordial relationship with your co-parenting ex. If you’ve put them on blast online, it could hurt your case.
Trash talking your ex is just never a good idea. It might feel good at the moment, but it can have very negative consequences. Trash talking in front of your children is especially harmful and can hurt their feelings. Your family will probably be on your side and will remember everything you say, so if you ever change your mind about your ex or want some sympathy, they’ll be less likely to help you. Trash talking to your mutual friends can put them in an awkward spot too. And finally, trash-talking online can hurt your settlement or custody battle as well. Although it might seem tempting, trash-talking is just never a good idea. It can only serve to hurt people, so it’s best to resist it altogether.
Jul 21, 2024 | Family Law, Personal Injury
If you’re wondering if you need to make a will, the answer is fairly simple. Anybody can choose to have a will, and it will direct what happens to your assets after you die. However, many put off making a will until it becomes necessary. You need to create a will if you are married. Similarly, if you are a parent, you need to create a will. If you have a positive net worth, then it’s also a good idea to make a will. However, anybody can make a will and probably should. Make sure that you find an experienced attorney to walk you through the process.
When Is It Important to Make a Will? Protecting Yourself and Others
How Does a Will Work?
When you make a will, you are protecting your future in a way. If you pass away and you have a will, then your assets will be distributed the way that you want. If you have certain things you’d like to designate to certain family members or money set aside for charities, you will make that possible. However, if you die without a will, the court decides what happens to your assets.
Married
You need to create a will when you marry somebody. When you die, if you have a will, your assets will go to your spouse and children if you’d like. However, it’s not guaranteed if you die without a will or intestate. The courts typically prioritize spouses and children but it’s not always the case. If you’d like to direct your assets to anybody else, you can also accomplish this through a will.
Parents
Anybody with children needs to make a will. This is incredibly important because the assets that you leave your children are all you can do to set them off on the right foot financially for the rest of their life. If you have important possessions that you’d like certain children to get, you can outline this in your will. Your will is also extremely important because it will direct who will be the guardian for your children. This is the person that you choose who will raise your children in your absence, so it’s important to get a will in place so that you have control over this.
Net Worth
Finally, if you have a positive net worth, then you’ll need to make a will. Positive net worth means that your assets and savings total more than your debts. Especially if you’re net worth is over $100,000. A will can also help you establish what happens to your assets if you’d like to leave certain things to certain people or charities. You can also include details about what to do with your business if you’re a small business owner.
If you’re wondering if you need to make a will, the short answer is that if you have any desire to have a say in what happens to your assets when you die, you need one. If you’re a spouse and want to direct your assets to or away from your husband or wife, a will can do this. Additionally, it’s important for parents to have a will as well. This will make sure that their children inherit their assets and can also direct who is their guardian. Finally, if you have a positive net worth, you need to make a will. Just remember to use an experienced attorney to help you make your will so that it is legally binding and covers all of your bases.
