Jul 30, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
When it comes to co-parenting, scheduling is one of the keys to success. But, that’s not to say it comes easy. Co-parenting successfully is extremely difficult, especially depending on the details of your divorce. But, by creating an organized co-parenting calendar, you can make your lives that much easier. Co-parenting with your ex may feel difficult right now, and it may always seem that way, but putting it all in writing? Makes the plan much easier to deal with.
Organized Co-Parenting Calendar: How to Make it and Move on
Plan Ahead
Think of all those events you want your child there for; Grandma’s birthday, your favorite sport’s game of the year, a school play… Whatever it may be. Think of all these things before you and the other co-parent meet, and put it in writing. Ask the other parent to do the same. You want to essentially have made your part of the schedule before you two ever come together. This should include any engagements you have, as well as the child, such as science fairs, sports games, business trips, travel, or the like. Then, when you come together, you can compare and build a cohesive schedule to both go off of.
Don’t Overbook
Another key to an organized co-parenting calendar is to be careful not to overbook. Often times, after going through a divorce, we want to make up for the fact that we are spending less time with our kid. So it’s not uncommon to overcompensate by agreeing to do anything and everything. But overbooking can leave you tired, stretched to the max, and ultimately unreliable. When you overbook yourself, you will at some point have to cancel or miss something. But the last thing you want to do is create a pattern of not fulfilling your parenting responsibilities. So, it’s best to only agree to what you know you will be able to do.
Set a Reminder
No matter how many times you talk about it, or write it in colored ink on the calendar, it’s hard to juggle your schedule. During your marriage, you and your spouse probably maintained a system for the schedule. You knew who was picking who up at what time. And if not, you probably talked throughout the day so that someone always remembered. But since your divorce, these things can be harder to keep up with. Therefore, set a reminder on your phone for those visits or events you planned with your kid. We’d all like to think we’ll remember easily. However, sometimes it’s just plain difficult. So, make a plan, set reminders, and stick to it. As we’ve said, you don’t want to create a pattern of not fulfilling your duties as a parent.
Keep multiple copies and allow for it flex a bit
We can’t account for every little bump in the road. So, take your agreement seriously, print and sign a copy for the each of you, but understand that things will happen. On your end, as well as theirs, there’s always the potential of something that might alter your agreement. Maybe one of you ends up with an illness, wrecks your car, gets a big promotion, or something of the like. Allow for your agreement to move just a bit if that time comes. But, understand that these occurrences should be discussed between both of you.
The key to an organized co-parenting calendar, is collaboration. Co-parenting, as well as planning, is difficult to do. But when you commit, take the time, and prioritize your child, it’s amazing what you can accomplish together.
Jul 29, 2023 | Divorce
Divorce court can be tricky, especially if you’re lacking proper representation. Before you get in front of a judge, you’ll want to familiarize yourself with the options you’ll consider. A few of those familiar divorce terms, are no-fault and at-fault divorce. You’ve likely heard these terms before, but might not know exactly how they are determined. So, we’re here to help make this whole divorce business a little less confusing…
No-Fault & At-Fault Divorce: Deciphering Familiar Divorce Terms
At-fault divorce
An at-fault divorce is when the filing party claims that the other party caused the divorce. The grounds for an at-fault divorce in SC include the following:
- Adultery
- Physical Cruelty
- Desertion for more than one year
- Habitual Drunkenness or drug use
The spouse claiming fault must be able to prove the grounds he or she alleges…
If one party proves adultery ended the marriage, the side that committed adultery will likely not receive alimony. The desertion for more than a year grounds does not apply to incarcerated spouses or military spouses. If a party proves any of the other grounds listed above, the judge may also make decisions regarding alimony and child custody. However, courts decide custody issues based on the child’s best interests. Thus, if one party proves grounds such as physical cruelty or habitual drug use, these grounds are more likely to affect custody issues. Adultery grounds may affect custody if the spouse exposed the children to the affair. However, many times, adultery will have little effect on custody arrangements.
No-Fault Divorce
On the other hand, no-fault divorces don’t claim the grounds listed above. Instead, no-fault divorces consider the fact that the couple has been separated for more than one year. This means the spouses must go a full year without living together or spending just one night together. A no-fault divorce won’t affect factors such as alimony and custody. In this case, the parties make separate arguments and present evidence for these issues.
You have options…
Depending on the circumstances surrounding your case, you have plenty of options. The key, is finding someone to help you figure out what option is the best for you. That starts with seeking the right representation. By finding that person, you’ll be able to lay out the facts of your case, and decide what route best fits your situation. We wish you luck in this difficult time, and offer our services if you might need them.
Jul 15, 2023 | Co-parenting, Divorce
You can make split custody easier on your children by being communicative and civil with your ex-partner. A new schedule and lifestyle can be very difficult for children. They thrive on routine, so split custody can be a real shock to the system for them. It’s best if you can communicate early about what their schedule will look like. Keep a routine as much as possible, which means being civil with your ex. Give your children resources and space to ask questions and feel their emotions. And finally, if you and your ex have a relationship where this is possible: carve out some family time. Hopefully, you will come up with a custody situation that works well for your family and your children will adjust quickly and easily.
How to Make Split Custody Easier On Children: Adjusting to the New Normal
Communicate With Them
The first step to making split custody easier on children is to set expectations with them. Communicate exactly what is happening. Let them know what their new schedule will look like, and when they’ll be spending time with each of you. Be very reassuring that they are still loved and that the divorce has nothing to do with them. But it is good to explain the situation in clear terms that they can understand.
Keep a Routine
Children thrive on routine. Knowing what their day will look like helps them stay calm and feel in control. Make split custody easier on children by following a routine with them that you share with your ex. If you can keep their day-to-day as similar to before the divorce as possible, the better. This relies on you and your ex being civil with one another and communicating clearly. Try to keep their school day schedule, nap schedule, feeding schedule, and sleep schedule as similar as possible across your two homes.
Give Them Resources
Another way to help make split custody easier on children is to give them resources. Depending on their age, they may or may not feel comfortable confiding in you as a parent. Some children prefer to speak about their feelings with a counselor or therapist. Give them plenty of space to feel their emotions about your divorce. They may also have tough questions. Try to answer them truthfully in an age-appropriate way. And always avoid speaking negatively about your ex.
Carve Out Family Time
Finally, it can make split custody easier on children if you and your ex can get along long enough to do some family activities. While this doesn’t have to happen all the time, children typically do appreciate having time with their whole family together. If you and your ex can be civil with one another, perhaps you could carve out some family time. Aim for something that is not likely to bring up stress, like a walk in a park together or a movie.
Divorce is difficult for everybody involved, including children. You can make split custody easier on children by making sure to lay out what their new schedule will look like for them. They need time to mentally prepare for change just like adults do. Keep a routine as much as possible across your two homes. Also, try to give them resources to deal with their emotions if they seem like they are having a difficult time adjusting. And finally, if it’s possible with your ex, try to take some time for a family outing now and then. Hopefully, you and your ex can remain civil for the sake of your children. A co-parenting relationship is a tough one to maintain, but it’s important for your children’s well-being that you and your ex be civil to make the divorce easier on them.
Jul 8, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
A divorce is a very uncertain time in anyone’s life. Where do you go from here? What’s a good way to start over? Post-divorce worries are not uncommon. But, with the right support and one first step in the right direction you will begin making progress. I can guarantee it. We’ve compiled some of the most common worries that people have after divorce and given you a way or two to combat them. You have to start facing them sometime… right?
Post-Divorce Worries: Rise Above
Moving/new job
Needing to both move and find a new job tend to be some post-divorce worries which go hand-in-hand. If you need to move, then odds are you may also need to find a new job. But, if you need to find new work, that could also require a move. These are both big changes and they can leave you feeling quite concerned.
Therefore, it’s important to try and think about the positives. You’ll have full control over your new home and how you decide to set it up. Plus, a new job can open up new opportunities that you hadn’t considered before. It may take some time for it all to come into place, but you can see great results if you keep calm and find a mix which works for you.
Relationship with the kids
Another type of post-divorce worries are those about your connection with your kids. A lot of parents feel that a divorce is going to ruin their bond with their kids. They tend to be afraid that maybe their kids will resent and hate them for thinking they split their family up.
The thing is, it’s possible that those early days/months can be a bit rough for the kids to adjust to. However, that’s why it’s also key that you show them the love and support that they need. Even if they come off as a bit distant, seeing you still care for them will mean a lot. Eventually, they’ll understand what has happened and why, and with your help, adjust to this somewhat different lifestyle.
Dating
Many post-divorce worries relate to trying to go out and date again. Some people worry that they’re too “out of practice” and won’t know how to date again. Others think that their divorce makes it so no one will want to date them ever again. As a result, they wonder if they need to accept that they won’t find a new partner ever again.
Of course, going into dating with such a negative mindset is a recipe for disaster. Instead, you should keep positive and wait until you feel ready to date again. It might take some getting used to, but that’s okay! By sticking with it and getting more comfortable, you’ll be able to find someone you truly get along great with.
Jul 1, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
After you’ve decided to get a divorce, the next hardest step might be trying to figure out how to tell people about your divorce. While your divorce is technically your business, eventually people will start to catch on and be curious. So, you might want to get a jump on things and let your loved ones know what’s coming down the pipe. Divorce announcements are an option that many divorcees might explore, especially the more lighthearted ones. But, how do you approach it? And what do you say to the people around you to show that you’re okay?
Divorce Announcements: Spreading the Word
Know What You Want to Say
The first and most apparent thing to think about when making divorce announcements is what to say. This will help avoid the pressure and stress that can come with creating one on-the-spot. Keeping it simple might seem like a suitable option, but it helps to not have it be too simple. Only saying “so-and-so and I are getting a divorce” leaves a lot of room for questions that you might not want to answer, especially to strangers. However, including something like “I appreciate the support but don’t wish to talk about it further right now”can help prevent this. Now, people will know what is going on and that you don’t want to talk about it, letting you open up when you feel comfortable to do so.
How To Tell People
Knowing what to say is one part of divorce announcements. Howyou tell people is another part to consider. In today’s age, you have more ways to share the news than ever before. For example, social media allows for you to spread the message to your followers (most of who will be your friends and family) with just one post. This is especially helpful if you worry about how many people you’ll have to tell. However, face-to-face is usually the preferred method. It’s the hardest, but it’s much more “personal” than a mass message, especially for close friends and family.
Who Should You Tell ?
Finally, the last thing to consider for divorce announcements is who to tell. If you’ve just started your divorce, you might want to only tell those very close to you. This is totally normal! Dealing with other people’s opinions along with your divorce can be too much to handle. As your divorce goes on, you can start to tell more people if you begin to feel more comfortable. However, if you are a more private person, there’s nothing wrong with only telling your closest friends and family.
In the end, you get to choose how you talk about your divorce. You get to control what you say, how you say it, and who you tell it too when it comes to your divorce. Using the strategies outlined here can help make that tough process all the more doable.
Jun 24, 2023 | Divorce, Family Law
Every child is going to react differently when learning that their parents are getting a divorce. Of course, the age that a child is at will determine their understanding of what is going on. In some families, the children may be very aware of what is going on. In other instances, the parents may hide all of their disagreements from their kids. While every situation will be different, there are a few tips that can help kids understand divorce.
How-to Help Kids Understand Divorce: Preparing for the Talk
Planning For It
The best way to help kids understand divorce is to talk about it. Part of how a child will react will be based on how the parents tell their children that they are getting a divorce. Parents should put thought and consideration into how, when, and where they break the news to their children. It may be helpful to have the entire family meet together as a family so that the parents can answer the children’s questions. In this type of setting, there will be less opportunity for parents to blame the other for the divorce.
Make sure to plan a family meeting to have this big conversation. Go ahead and think through and plan out what is going to be said at this meeting. Parents should do their best to stay calm during this conversation. It will be best to plan to have a follow-up meeting to answer any further questions and address concerns.
Things to Say
Children often find divorce hard to understand. In order to help kids understand divorce, keep the initial conversation to the basics. Otherwise, it could get very overwhelming and confusing. The most important thing is for kids to know that their basic needs are still going to be met. They will also want reassurance that they will be able to continue a relationship with both parents if that is something that is possible.
Kids may not understand that a divorce is final, so that is something parents need to discuss so that kids do not have false hopes. It is easy for children to think that it is their fault that their parents are getting a divorce. Parents need to reassure kids that this is not their fault.
Listen
In order to help kids understand divorce, it is important to listen to their questions and concerns. Children will have worries about how their life will change, and parents need to be mindful of that. By listening to kid’s concerns and questions will show that the parents care. Parents should not be alarmed if they have to answer questions and give reassurance many times during this process. Also, parents should ask children about their fears and concerns, so that the parents show the kids that they care. It also shows kids that it is okay to be open about those feelings.
Telling kids about divorce is never easy. There are ways to help kids understand divorce. Once they understand it, it will help the transition process to hopefully be a bit smoother.
